Girlfriend is super jealous checking phone messages!?

Question

All,

My girlfriend is super jealous of my female friend. I call her or text her nearly everyday but it is platonic. I told my girlfriend about her when we got together. She is always answering my phone and assuming I am doing something. I am trying to reassure her but I am not going to give up my female friend. I knew her before my girlfriend. Seriously, she needs to chill or I am done. I am never talking about anything wrong with my female friend, she has a boyfriend anyway but my girlfriend is jealous of the time I spend with her on the phone. Is it possible for a woman to believe I have a friend and I am not doing anything. So what if I text her regularly, we are close and we like cracking jokes. Whats the deal with my girlfriend???

To be fair guys, I really don't have this problem. I wanted to check to see if people would give the same advice if it were a man with a platonic friend or a woman with a platonic friend. The original issue was with a girl that had a jealous boyfriend. With the exception of 3-5 messages the answers were similar. I saw that more women sympathized with the "psycho" girlfriend than guys sympathized with the "psycho" boyfriend.

Original question I decided to do the expirament with. A small but very vocal number of you assumed I was cheating. Why would a man be assumed to be cheating in this situation but a woman assumed to be innocent? Men have to cheat with SOMEONE?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhcPmRHfODiYGG9O2OcdQuPsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071105131855AA0BqqU&show=7#profile-info-QDLbYv1kaa

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you spend way more time with your platonic friend than you do with your gf. And this has cause a rift. If your relationship with your "friend" is more important than building a relationship with a potential long-term gf or spouse, then break up with the gf and just date women casually.

As for the actions of your current gf, she has no business checking your phone messages or prying into your personal life. Set boundaries. And she gets to set them with you as well. It's "quid pro quo" you know. If she (or you) can't abide by the rules of the relationship, then break up.

Answer 2

I think its normal for women to be jealous. I know I would be if my bf were doing the same thing you were - i think its just a womens instinct and we are terratorial.
umm, since assuring her doesnt help and your fed up with it.
If I were in your place, I would just sit her down and say look, this is a friend - nothing more,and if you cant except that, then its over.Explain to her that you shouldnt have to give up your friends and your not willing to.
Your friends should also be her friends and visa versa.
As a women, its hard not to be jealous,but to hold a relationship together,and find peace within ourselfs,we need to learn our bounderies,and "put a cap on it". We can still hold our jealousies,but we have to have a limit.
Do you text your gF any messages ?
if not - then add that to your daily routine.If she doesnt have a cell phone , then call her at work on her lunch break. This might also help reassure her and make her feel a bit more confident.
Hope this helps

Answer 3

Have you cheated on her before? Has she been cheated on in other relationships? These are important things to find out. History can play a big role in her trust now. Also, girls can be very flirtatious and cross the friendship line at times, and maybe you are taking it a little too far with your friend? This can make her feel insecure if you are spending that much time with another woman. Also, the more you are secretive or not open with her, the more it seems like you have something to hide.

Answer 4

well the plus side is that you DID let her know about your female friend when you got together which is a good thing. she could just have a jealous heart. it is totally possible for a male and female to have a platonic relationship. my best friend is a guy. try to talk to your girl about being so damn jealous and tell her to take a chill pill before you kick her to the curb!! girlfriends/boyfriends come and go but a true friend is rare so hold on to your friend especially since it aint nothing sexual

Answer 5

I'm a girl in the same boat with my man. He is always snoopin in my business....on my phone and in my emails. It drives me crazy. One of my best friends is a man in the Marines. I knew him before my man and he won't get over the fact that I talk to him regularly. Just let your girl know that your friend isn't going any where and if she has a problem with that than she has some choices to make. You do need to know though, when to separate the two. Time with your friend should be separated from the time with your girl. You have to also reassure her that you love her and you're not going any where. Try introducing your girl to your friend and her man. Maybe then your girl might see why there is nothing going on between you too. Try anything.....obvilously this girl means something to you.

Answer 6

Has your girlfriend ever been cheated on, maybe that is why she has trust issues. Also do you text your girlfriend as much as your female friend. Maybe you should if you don't! She wants to know she is the most important female in your life, (Even if she isn't you should treat her like she is) She seems to feel she needs to fight for your attention. Some advice if you want your relationship to work, Don't text your female friend when you are with your girlfriend.

Answer 7

Wow do you need to have a talk with your girlfriend. Checking your phone message is a good indicator of a future stalker. Tell her that the relationship is purely plutonic, and violating your privacy has done nothing more than ruin your trust in her. Tell her she either has to accept the best friend or move on. Frankly I think you would be better off breaking it off in the first place.

Answer 8

I'd be done with the relationship. You can't have a relationship without trust, and it's obvious she doesn't trust you at all. This is an old friend of yours, not a potential future girlfriend, so there shouldn't be a problem.

If you still want to give your relationship a chance, go on a double date: you and your girl, your friend and her man. Be sure to pay more attention to your girlfriend. If she sees how much your friend and her man get along, and she sees that you two are just friends, it might help her feelings of jealousy.

Answer 9

You need to tell her to stop or its over. End of story. Change the password to your voicemail, email, myspace, etc.

Dont give her the new one(s) either. When she asks, say its MY password, not yours.

Be firm, be a man. ANd you dont have to make a decision of one or the other, thats stupid. You are allowed to have friends, she doesn't have to like them and you dont have to care.

Your girlfriend is being rude, selfish and is a border line stalker. I would go through the roof if I found out my g/f checked my messages. I dont understand why she's still your g/f

And why does it matter if she's been cheated on by someone else? She needs to realize this and not act this way.

How many girls here would be ok with a guy who constantly checked your messages, answered your phone, didnt let you hang out with your friend (regardless of gender)?

Only the insecure deal with this dude, dump her.

Answer 10

If it bothers your girlfriend you don't need to talk to your female friend in front of her.I understand you don't want to cut your friend off for you girl,BUT if you know she's not easy with it cut it short.Why you can't kick the crazy jokes with your girl?Do you text her regulary?The dael with your girlfriend is not so much that she think your doing something with this other chick it's almost saying F your girl because you don't care what she say or how she feels your not willing to cut this other girl off EVEN if she's uncomfortable.You probably already slept with your so called stick girl,I don't play them games.You need to understand where your girl is comming from.Suppose she had a male friend and was telling you oh babe we ain't doin nothin.You goin be like yeah right!See,if I was your girl since the other chick mean so much to you I'll bounce.You would'nt have to let me go.You just being straight up disrespectful!