My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has just been introduced to the fact that my daughters father wants regular visitations and he regrets not been around for 2 years.(my daughter is 4) The only father figure in my daughters life has been my boyfriend. We do NOT live together but we are very close and he is close w/ my daughter. I think he feels threatened or something but I keep reassuring him that HE is the only one for me and I'm NOT going back w/ her dad..but he is still acting uncomfortable. Not to mention that her dad is MARRIED. So obvoiusly off limits anyway. But the truth of the matter is that I DO love my boyfriend and i don't know how to make him comfortable w/ this. I am THRILLED that my daughter's dad wants to be apart of her life even if he's a little late, I'm happy for my daughter. and I've never seen my daughter happier..but now my boyfriend says that he is having a hard time w/ the fact that I have a past. EVERYONE has a past and he knew I had a daughter from day one!
2007-11-05 07:01:00 · 17 answers · asked by ♥CUTIE♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would recommend that you and your boyfriend consider counselling together or him separately. Do NOT consider marriage to him until this issue is resolved. I commend you for letting dad come in her life and think it's wonderful you celebrate that with her. Do NOT let your boyfriend interfere at all. You are doing a beautiful job at seeing what is best for YOUR daughter and not best for YOU. Kudos to you my friend. Do you know how many people would not do that? He is insecure in his relationship with you. Talk to him, reassure him, but do not cave. Your daughter came before him and he will need to get used to that. Good luck!
2007-11-05 08:33:03 · answer #1 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are COMPLETELY mssing the boat. He is not threatened with the X and you... he is threatened with the X and your daughter. He has put in 2.5 years with you and your daughter and now some guy gets to take her for a few days a month and be DAD. When he started dating you, the daughter was part of the package. He made many sacrifices for your daughter, whether you see them or not. He has had plans canceled, been forced to stay in, had dinners interrupted, dealt with crying, you being in a bad mood and he may have even changed a few diapers or spent money on her during the toughest years (ages 0-4). Now some guy wants to jump in when the daughter is talking, a lot less needy, and he gets to give her back after a mere 2 days. The fact that you are thrilled makes it even worse for him. Ever here about women complaining about their X's calling them 'Disney Dads.' This is just as bad for the bf. Try to put yourself in his shoes. In 2.5 years, I am sure he has done a bunch for your daughter and now he is all but nothing in her eyes cause Daddy is back.
2007-11-05 15:17:37 · answer #2 · answered by Paul W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's going to take some time. Most people have to deal w/ that type of baggage from day one and it tends to spread out over the course of time. He's dealing w/ the full load 2 1/2 years in. He's invested in the relationship w/ both you and your daughter. He just needs to get his footing. Making sure he sees and understands just how much this means and is doing for your daughter is important. If he loves her then he'll want her to be as happy as possible and one (two w/ wife) more person to love her is only a good thing. Just take it slow with him and give him time and space to get used to the new people on the scene. Good luck.
2007-11-05 15:53:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The idea of change is often hard and scary for many people. You can reassure him all you want but until he sees how it is going to work and that everything is going to be fine, it isn't going to help a lot.
You may try telling him that it isn't going to be easy on you either being around this man and getting over the hard feelings between you but you are doing it because it is best for your child.
I don't understand the "past," comment and that would make me mad too. I guess I'd chalk it up to insecurity but if he keeps bringing it up I would ask him exactly what it means. To love you, he accepts you and your past as it is. There aren't many women these days without a past. I'm sure he has a past of his own.
2007-11-05 15:09:38 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you should point out to him how he would feel, if he lived with his own mother and her boyfriend at 2, and his dad really wanted to be a part of his life. Would he appreciate it if his mom's boyfriend tried to stand in the way of him having a relationship with his dad? It's not reasonable to fear that his relationship with your daughter will be made any less special to her than it is, just because she knows her dad -- he should not be jealous. The girl can love him, too, and his role in her life will still matter a great deal to her. Love is not a limited quantity. And it would be really unfair to deny a child a relationship with her biological parent. Maybe if you try to make him see her best interest by relating to her, he'll realize his jealousy is unfair to her.
2007-11-05 15:06:43 · answer #5 · answered by zilmag 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not your boyfriends business or concern. He is not even a step dad, no matter who he marries or you marry that little girl has ONE dad and ONE mom. If your man cannot deal with dad then he needs to pack up and move on. Dont ruin your daughters life because he is insecure. The children did not ask to be part of this drama, let her dad be a dad and your man will have to get over it.
2007-11-05 15:26:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately he needs to realize that he is not your daughter's real father. The father has a right to see his child whether your boyfriend is jealous or not so he's just going to have to get used to the fact the your daughter is going to have two father figures in her life.
2007-11-05 15:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by Marra's mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He apparently isn't a dummy and knowing you had a child, obviously you had a significant past relationship. Maybe it's not your relationship with your ex that your boyfriend is concerned about. If he feels really close to your daughter, he may be afraid she'll decide she likes your ex more than your boyfriend. It's great that your ex wants a relationship with your daughter. Your boyfriends may just want to know he's special to her as well.
2007-11-05 15:10:42 · answer #8 · answered by Lady G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not your problem it is your boyfriend's insecurity that is involved and you can do no more than reassure him as to his position in your life. Your daughter has every right to see her father and have him in her life. IF your boyfriend cannot understand this then maybe you need to take a second, deeper look at him.
2007-11-05 15:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,, You should do what is right for the sake of the child and visitation is good for her. The other guy has no right to say anything. Perhaps he feels like the "dad" but in all reality he is just a boyfriend, and expendable.
2007-11-05 15:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋