I'm so lost?

Question

i live in an irranian household and due to circumstance my parents have become extremely protective of me. i can list the things my dad does, he checks my time table to make sure if i finish early one day i dont go and see anyone else, im not allowed boyfriends (im 16) im, i get grounded every week and i bearly see my friends. last time i had not hung up my coat in my cupboard and he ground me for 2 weeks. i was going to see my friends for haloween and it upset me that it was cancelled because of that, so i got angry because it wasnt the first time that i'd been grounded over something so small and he ended up getting very violent and pining me to the floor and punching me in the stomach. i am really really paranoid and self consious, and i worry so much because my parents over react over the smallest things. i cry every day and im starting to get really tired and dizzy at school and im losing focus. my dad doesnt want me to leave for university, im not efficent i cant leave the house

And if I rebel and leave I cant because I wont be able to pay for a dorm or university fees as im too busy concentrating on my studies and im not intelligent enough to get a scholarship. I wanted to work in a restauarant as a waitress, but my parents wont let me have any ‘low class’ jobs like those and if I do ill get grounded. I doubt everything I say, my dad is extremely sexist and he believes that women were ‘biologically’ created to stay at home and work, he believes

that women were ‘biologically’ created to stay at home and work, he believes that only women should do household chores, and if I say no I get beat up or grounded. I am not myself and it aggravates me because I have no belief in myself and I don’t say the things I feel. I have done stupid things, ive once dated someone I didn’t like and nearly got in a lot of trouble just to rebel. Im scared I may do something even more stupid. My parents go BALLISTIC over tiny things like whether a tiny rice grain falls on the floor. I have to get married, and If I don’t im shamed and doomed because Ill be living alone. I don’t mind the idea of getting married, however all my parents do is talk about it and it seems more like something you have to do other than out of choice. Im worried ill get rushed into it because I have to before im at my ‘expiry date’ (my dad says that). Please help me I feel so lost

Answer 1

Tell the counselor at school about what your father did. That is not okay in the United States.

If you think bad thoughts about how you are, it is because you are hearing it a lot and beginning to accept it. Say to yourself you are smart and capable.

If you are unable to get out of this situation while you are a minor, wait until you are eighteen. Many people work and go to college. You could live with one or several girls as a way of saving money. You could go to a junior college for the first two years to keep the cost down. Look for scholarships and grants and apply for everyone you could be possibly be eligible for. Lots of people do things like I am suggesting when they don't have the money. Talk with other people. You will get more ideas. You will pull through this and be okay.

Answer 2

Are you in America? If you aer, you have the right to report your father, and your mother for that matter since she is supporting his tretment of you.
If you are not, I don't understand your laws enough to give a valid answer! I have been reading about the Iranian Household and the laws and I just don't know what there is to be done.
Fist off, you are making a HUGE step forward by asking for help. WIll going to a trusted adult at school help you?
It is so hard to change a mans mind, especially if he is "old fashioned" and used to the ways of another country.
If you are in America, then you have rights!! A LOT OF RIGHTS!!

No one deserves to be hit, or punished unjustly, no one has the right be as demeaning as your father is.

What is your religion? I am Orthodox, and I know that Orthodox have some beliefs that are 'old fashioned' and all, but there are ways to make rules and traditions work for you too.
It all depends on what your self value is, as a living breathing human being, you are valued! Everything you think or do, is valid! And that you are a woman, makes it even harder, in this day and age, that is too bad. I wish I knew more about your situation.
Email me if you can!! My email is public, so you can send me a message any time!!

Answer 3

thankyou for sharing. There is never an excuse for hitting .It's time for you to believe in your feelings.As others have said talk with your school counsel er or someone you can trust. I feel your father is afraid of you changing ,and sees that as a bad thing.Try to remember who you are to your father and what you once meant to each other .If you can love him for what you know him to be inside, you will see that he is afraid .Perhaps that will be the opening once again of a door between you two,and if so then perhaps you two can start to talk once more.Be smart about it tho.

Answer 4

It is difficult for other people from other cultures to understand the one you have.
I do not think you should be punched in your tummy. Can you mention it to a teacher or will that make things worse.

There must be someone who knows you who can help you.
In the meantime, until you can get someone to help you, just keep to your dads rules and try to get help.

This is the modern age after all. I do hope with all my heart you will soon find an answer to this and be very happy soon.

Answer 5

Honey, look. i don't know you. and you don't know me. But I'm being real. you need to get up out the house. for real ok. No man, da or no dad has the right to abuse you. your 16 right. well I just turned 17 and i can tell you that life gets better with age. for one, stop thinking bad thing's about your self. becuz i you can breathe walk or talk your somebody. ok. Now I'm giving you my e. mail address. and i want you to use it anytime. bring that self essteam level up. and keep your head blanced. I haven't ever lived an abused life. but my confedence level was right where your's is. but prayer, and making and demanding my own happyness and a few prsion penpals brought it up. lol, Yeah I kbnow that sounds crazy but its real k. well this is all for mow but use this e mail address you hear. and i'll hit you as soon as i can.

[e-mail]

Answer 6

If you are in America, talk to your guidance counselor at high school.
If you are in Iran, sorry.
The current government there supports this regressive, female subjugation under the guise of Islam.

Answer 7

You need to call an abuse hot line and turn your father in. No child should have to take physical or mental abuse from a parent.. and you need to do the right thing for you. Please do it!

Answer 8

You really need to talk to someone, have you got a school counseller...your dad should not be hitting you...talk to someone, NOW!!!!

Answer 9

You are normal lady but hypersensetive one

Answer 10

ive got sat nav if you want to lend it