I've asked my question last night and all answers were saying I was wrong to picked my family over my wife and children. I know I listened to my mom alot and I did what she told me to do to my wife and 1 yr old daughter. She kept telling me " I've brought you to this world and raised u up if you leave me, I'll disown you." and my younger sister also gave my wife hard time too. I told my wife no matter what my parents said even it's wrong I still listened to them. Now, she's in N. CA being 6 mons pregnant and taking care of my 1 daughter at her mom's. We still contact but I still want my wife to go back to live with my family but she doesn't want to. She said "even you're not with me I'll take care of our kids myself because I owned them for not giving them what they deserve. I'll always welcome you back when you realized how important we are to you because my kids only have 1 father." Now, I'm in S. CA all I can do is to hang out with friends and go home, I don't know wat else to do.
2007-11-05 04:53:29 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Why my wife's so selfish? she put me in a hard decision but I'll never put my parents down. If it wasn't they brought me to this world and my kids wouldn't exist.
2007-11-05 04:59:03 · update #1
she moved away bcause I told her I'll never move out. She said she had enough from my family, they don't care about our privacy and still control me. I know I made her cry a lot for ignored her needs. I flirted wit other girls when she was pregnant and after she left. She's a good wife, always forgive me and a great mom. She's the one who always wake up during the night and I didn't help her much but she told me all she needs is my love and attention. But wat can I do?
2007-11-05 14:47:20 · update #2
I have a question first. Is money involved here as in an inheritance or are you supporting your mother. If so are you choosing that money over your wife and children?
I am going to give you some very hard facts.
1. Those that told you to choose your wife and children over your family were right.
2. It is because you did not listen to that advice that your wife and children are not with you now.
3. Your wife is not selfish, your mother is for holding on to you.
4. It is time that you emancipated from your mother and started making decisions of your own in other words, it is time for you to become the adult that you are.
5. What are you really choosing here? Your past or your future?
Sometimes, when parents are toxic to your relationship with your family, and that is another thing I find interesting is that you call your mother your family not your wife and children, it is time to let go of them and be with the family that needs you.
2007-11-05 05:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why is it that your wife moved away? Is it because of the hard time she was getting from your family? Was it for a job change? Either way, the two of you being married needed to make that decision TOGETHER . WITHOUT influence from yours or her family. Your wife and children are your family, and who you will spend your future with. The decision needed to be made based on what was best for you, your wife, and your children. If your mom truly cares for you and her grandchildren, she would not threaten to disown you. If she actually did, it would be her own loss. She did raise you to be a functional adult. That is every parents job. Then it is time to let them go, and do the same thing for their children. It is part of the circle of life. Obviously if you can only hang out with your friends and go home, your parents are not filling he void of YOUR family. I have a feeling there is more to this story than meets the eye. Are you asking your wife to live WITH your family, or just in the same area? Your Mom, Dad and Sister need to back off and let you be a man and make the decision on your own. Your wife will always welcome you back because you are the kids father. At least SHE realizes the importance of that. HOWEVER if she is using the kids as a pawn to get you to move there, then that is just as wrong. If you love your wife, go to her and work this out somehow. As I said before, there is more to this story.
2007-11-05 06:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by lulu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BE A MAN!!
You say you are obligated to your mother because she created you... but what about the two children you personally created? You have an obligation to the 2 children you have created FIRST. When you marry, your wife becomes your family and must come first. Your children are depending on you to be a good father and to value them, but you have let them down.
You want to be a good son but it has made you a bad father. Now tell me, which matters more to you? You have sent a loud and clear message to your wife and children which says "You do not matter to me".
Your mom has a role to play in your life.... she is your childrens gramma and will be around for holidays and special events. Other than that you should have a life with your wife and children with no involvement from your mother.
If you lose your pick your mother over your wife and kids than you deserve to lose them and they deserve a better father. Think.. 20 years from now what will you tell your children when they are adults and wonder why you weren't there? Don't the children that you created mean more to you than ANYTHING (or anyone) else in the world? Prove to your family (wife and kids) that they matter to you.
2007-11-05 05:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by scottishduffy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your wife isn't being selfish, your sister and mother are. They took from you and if your wife were to move back with them they would take from her as well. Everyone gave you good advice but I would only sum all that up to say that you should leave and go be with your wife or you are selling your soul to the devil for what ever it is your mother might give you if she didn't disown you. You have a very intelligent wife, even I can see that from what you have said, so if your parents cared for anything more than what else they can get from you, they would be the ones telling you to go be with your wife.
If you let this chance pass and let your wife get away, once your parents do pass away, you are going to be a very lonely person by yourself regardless of what your mother may leave you!!
2007-11-05 05:43:04 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with the majority on this: you NEED to support your wife and children. You said your previous question that your wife isn't demanding and you could have supported her more...well then start stepping up today. Enough about your folks and sister. They're all adults and supposed to love you unconditionally and if they don't, too bad! It is to their own detriment to disassociate with their son and grandkids --- shame on them! It is absolutely silly and overbearing of them to make ultimatums...the commitment of your marriage and the rearing of your children FAR outweighs their tantrums and neediness. You can still be a good son and brother in a different state --- even in a different country for that matter. You need to confront this iron-clad hold your family has on you...maybe some space would do you good. Call up your pregnant wife and tell her you love her. That you were not thinking clearly to have let her go.
2007-11-05 05:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by Shorty 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not mature enough to be a husband let alone a father. Are you insane? You think you OWE your parents something because they brought you into this world? Are you crazy????? You don't owe them a thing. Not one thing except maybe a bit of respect. They are being dishonorable to you and your family. I hope your wife divorces you and finds a man who will honor her and her children. You are a horrible example of a husband and father. Not even your children deserve you. Grow up man, save your family and tell your parents you love them but you owe them nothing and your wife and family come first. That they are to NEVER disrespect your family or they will lose you. Period! C'mon. You know this stuff. Get over it! Grow up. You were grown up enough to marry and make babies. Now be a man.
2007-11-05 05:46:02 · answer #6 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Until you are grown up enough to make your own decisions; and to put your wife's and children's best interests ahead of the comments and desires of your mom and your sister , then I don't see much else you can do. If your mom and sister do not treat your wife with respect, why would your wife want to move back in with them? Why live with your parents? Why not create your own home?
2007-11-05 05:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is an age old problem with most couples. my rule of thumb says, once you marry this is your family along with the family you bring into this world. you love the family that created you, but YOUR family is now your wife and your children. your choice is your wife. imagine how your mom would have felt if she could not be the mother she turn out to be with you. she would have never put up with her parents controlling her decisions. just think about it and if you love your wife stand by her and make her your focal point in life. good luck in whatever you decide to do.
2007-11-05 05:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question has created a great deal of interest in whether or not a man should put his wife and children ahead of his mother, but no one has mentioned the wife's mother. Shouldn't she be given the same consideration? What's good for the husband should also be good for the wife.
2007-11-05 05:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're an adult that made a family of his own. Just because they brought you into this world doesn't mean they dictate how you live the rest of your life after you're a grown man. What if it was reversed and HER parents were pulling this stuff with you?
The wife's not being selfish- your mother is, and you're enabling it.
2007-11-05 05:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋