Have you ever hauled off and spanked someone else’s child because they refused to do it?

Question

I don’t believe that spanking is the answer to every situation, but I do think it is a good form of discipline if the child gets completely out of control. I have posted many questions about my husband’s unruly and downright disrespectful niece. She is eight years old and she is a terror. I realize there’s not much I can do when at my inlaw’s house (whom take care of her 80-90% of the time), but I am at the point to where I want to snatch her up and spank her ***, or either tell her to take a time-out or something when she’s at my home. I am absolutely SICK AND TIRED of dealing with her crap. I am even more tired of my inlaws watching this child act out and doing nothing about it. They have made comments about her behavior before (I think in response to the looks on my face when she talks back), and they feel that since they aren’t her parents they have no right to discipline her. My mother inlaw has spanked her several times, but I mean things had gotten WAY out of control.

Sometimes I can hardly look at this child because she KNOWS exactly what she’s doing, and she knows how to get everybody’s attention. My husband thinks I am picking on his niece and gets offended when I try to talk to him about, although he does acknowledge that she has issues. His parents are very old-fashioned and reserved and if I even said so much as one word about this child they would snatch her up and go home and never return. I know this for a fact because I’ve asked my husband what they would do. I am at the point to where I don’t give a **** anymore. She is not going to turn flips in my house and mess with my things. She is not going to put her feet and shoes in my furniture anymore. If they get offended, so what! I have had enough.

Answer 1

If the child is family, I have in the past with my cousins out of control son. He's 5, is continually fed sugar and soda, then comes to my home and breaks things, fingers up the walls and talks back. I do not stand for it. They watch me do it too, and just smile. He has a timeout room at MY house, but not thiers...I think they believe I;m going to change him. It got to the point where I told them I don't want them over here anymore until the child can act appropriatly. That was 7 months ago. With the holidays coming up, again they aren't invited because of their son.

Put your foot down and say you don't want to be around the kid. Family or not. You wouldn't hang around her if she was a strangers kid.

Answer 2

It's your home. Say something. You can be nice about it at first and ask her to take her feet from your furniture. If they get up and leave then so be it, it's their loss not yours.

One thing I would do is have the children take their shoes off while inside. That takes care of the feet on the furniture. The cartwheels or turning flips as you call it are another thing. You need to say something. Once again, you can be nice about it the first time you mention this to her.

Talking back to ones parents or guardians is something that should never be tolerated. The longer it is allowed to go on the worse it gets as the child gets older. This is something I wouldn't worry about in your home though, as long as she's not talking back to you, I would ignore it and let them eventually find out how bad it can get as she grows older.

Forget the spanking of the child. If they do pick up and leave, you may get a call from Child Protective Services.

Your husband needs to give you a bit of support. This is eventually going to cause marital problems down the road because of frequent blow-ups between the two of you.

I wish you well.

Answer 3

It is never okay to spank another person's child, especially if their parent doesn't spank. If you are at your in-law's house you can speak up about the behavior. If she misbehaves at your home, then you should discipline her, but not with a spanking. Have her spend time in time-out or take away the activity she was doing at the time.

If she's disrespectful to you I would say something like "That was very disrespectful and I would like you to apologize to me" and if she doesn't apologize I would walk away until she does.

We've had a lot of foster children and most of them come to us with some behavior issues. It usually takes less than a week of time-outs or taking away an activity for the kids to learn to respect the rules. It's tough, though, when the kids are at another person's home.

Spanking probably won't help. What will help is enforcing the rules consistently.

My husband and I really disagree with how my brother-in-law & his wife are raising their 3 kids. The wife is the type of person that will cut us off if we speak up too much.

Good luck. I know how hard it is to disagree with how someone parents their kids.

Answer 4

Some parents will not administer appropriate discipline to their kids...they are either authoritarian or completely lax with their kids, and the kids never learn to make decisions about behavior appropriate to their situation. Both are equally bad. The parents in questions seem to be in the second category.

Parents who do not discipline ther kids are very likely to call the police and file charges when someone else does. (I don't really believe in corporal punishment).

There is always the possibility that the kid has a mental health problem that accounts for her behavior. This is best addressed professionally while the child is still young.

Answer 5

You can certainly say that she is not welcome in your home, and you can certainly put her in time out if she misbehaves, but you do not have any right to strike someone else's child. If you do they could call the police on you and then you'd be in big trouble. It really isn't worth that. I would just tell your husband that until this child learns to behave, she can't come over to your house. And if the grandparents who are raising her won't discipline her, then I wouldn't go to their house when she is there so that your children aren't exposed to such a bad example.

Answer 6

I know we all have different parenting skills but if the child is not your don't touch her think about your kids do you want to see them you would go to Jail and for what letting an 8 year old win walk away stay out of the situation and if they ask why you are not coming around tell them it has to stop or you are not coming around anymore . maybe then they will see how bad the situation is

Answer 7

I would speak up each and everytime she does something at your house--she needs to LEARN your rules..maybe at home her parents allow this behavior... I do daycare and I can tell when parents don't disipline - they are the ones that jump on the couch 24-7, and I don't mind giving them a good time out. If she puts her feet on the couch- tell her she is not allowed to sit on the couch - but she can sit on the floor. (if she doesn't listen- give her a warning-and thats that)...
I can see why you are annoyed - she knows the rules..but, doesn't think she has to follow them - can tell she is not getting disiplined at her own home..or grandparents.
whatever you do - don't spank her--but, there is no reason you can't ask her to get off of your couch!

Answer 8

The rule at my house is - If I would spank my kids for it, I will spank your kids for it- My brothers and friends all know it, my husbands brothers know it. My nephews and nieces know that I don't put up with that crap and because of that I don't ever have a problem with them. A stern look and warning and they know. The funny thing is that I have only had to spank one of them the rest have seen me spank my kids so they know I will and they don't want to take the chance. Set rules in your home and make them stick, if your in-laws don't like it they don't have to come over. It is your home and you have the right to see that things are done your way. Once your husbands niece sees that the rules are the same every time and you are not going to give in, she will start behaving at your house, if nowhere else, and who knows you may become her favorite Aunt because you were the only person who cared enough to enforce the rules. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Well, as an educated person, I know that hitting is unnecessary.

I have, however, disciplined plenty of my friends kids while they were visiting my house.

I put up with nothing- and since none of them get discipline at home, it is a shocker to them coming to my house. So- they test me, and lose.

It's a shame really, that these kids think I'm crazy for expecting good manners and good behavior.

Sad.

Answer 10

I'm not against spanking but it's probably best that you didn't do it to someone else's child but it's not out of line if they're around you to say NO. I know you'd probably hate it but try taking her out just you and your husband and spend time with her...if she get's out of line say NO and give "the look". She'll slowly start to know she can't get with things around you. If all else fails make your trips to whoever's house short if she's around. How old is she anyway??
I spanked my niece one time 'cause no one ever did anything. I asked her very nicely to do something...I even counted to 3 and she just slowly walked away. I slapped her hand and she cried. I immediately apologized to my sister and her hubby but he told me not to be and it was about time. My sister doesn't like spanking them. Anyway, I asked her to finish the task she was asked after she finished crying and she did it and never disobeyed me again. Whew!!