What should I do to defend my mother?

Question

My grandmother recently died and now my nutty aunts have started waging a hate campaign against my mother because she told them off for being paraletically drunk after the funeral etc etc. They have sent her letters claiming my gran said all sorts re her while alive. Grant it my mother and gran didn't have the greatest relationship at times but they were both very frank with one another. She's received 2 letters now and much as she likes to say they don't hurt her, they do. Should I basically write to these cows or simply ignore them?? To be honest I'd love to give them a good hiding but that's not possible as they live in UK and US...any suggestions???

Answer 1

Confront them, call them, mail them, whatever you can.
Defend your Mother. If she wont do it for herself, than you should do it for her.
I normally don't encourage negative confrontations, but when it comes to my Mom, all bets are off.
Give em hell!!!

Answer 2

Why not go on with your life and take this as a life lesson? It's cruel and rather ignorant of these aunts to write letters to your mother, and especially because they seem to be about the past. Since when can that be changed?

Maybe they are also JEALOUS of your mother for some reason? It's hard to tell. And it was very rude and thoughtless of them to be drunk at the funeral.

Your mother will move on, i'm sure. Just let her know YOU are there to give her all the love and support she needs.

Your mom is a grown up and is probably a little bit hurt by her sisters' actions, but on the other hand, i'm sure she realizes they are both a little ignorant and lack compassion.

Maybe stop and think -- why would you want to stoop to your aunts' levels by writing them a letter?

Answer 3

I think all you can do is be supportive of your mother. Tearing a strip off her sisters will not help. You'll just be dragged into the fight and be used as ammunition. Right now it's just an annoyance. If things get worse, then it might be time to write them and ask why they feel it's necessary to attack your mother. Don't attack them in return, that will only egg them on, but call attention to what they're doing and ask for a explanation.

If, after all that it's still happening, or gets worse, then it might be time to simply cut ties with them entirely.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do for your mom is to be supportive of her when she receives such letters. You shouldn't get directly involved in the tiff.

Should your mom ask you what you think she should do, then tell her what you think, but don't stoop to her sisters level. You are both better than that.

You could suggest that she mark the letters "return to sender" and never even open the letters. Tell your mom not to give her sisters the satisfaction.

Answer 5

It may not be a good idea to get involved in a dispute such as that, with family no matter how much you try to defend it does no good, and may make matters worse. Do what your mom is doing just ignore it and act like it doesn't hurt. I have had problems like this in my family when my grandfather passed, my family is now divided, he was the glue. Alot of things were said, those who were put down just moved on, and ignored the others that started it. We are happier this way.

Answer 6

It really makes me mad when this sort of things happen, it's always at funerals that the claws come out from one or more member of the family. My advice would be to just ignore them, they obviously have no life if they have to resort to tattle telling like little children and you know what they say about bad behaviour in children, sometimes you have to ignore it because all they are craving is attention and trying to make their bad behaviour at your grandmothers funeral more acceptable in their own little heads.
Your mum knows what her relationship with her mum was like and if it was volatile I'm sure she has accepted it so she doesn't need to hear it from her 2 sisters.. Families eh!! Who'd have them!!

Answer 7

I was in the exact same situation.

I would write to them. Be dignified. But tell them that you will not stand for them treating your mother that way and that they need to cease contact until they can act like sisters. Tell them how important it is that the family sticks together during this time and you know they are grieving too but that's what your grandmother would have wanted.

dont be too mean to them because that could end up hurting your mom worse. even though they have treated her badly, your mom will probably eventually want to have a relationship with them again.

Answer 8

i live in the uk i,ll go rnd and sort em out if you like!
the one thing i have learnt is that 85% of familys are disfuntional so take comfort in that,the best thing you can do is just make mum feel good and do some extra lovin things as you probley have,tell you mum there is a reason why they live in the uk and thats so you cant kick there sorry fkd up asses!just know you are better off without them and the letters are only words from loonies,they are talking s h i t,
so leave things as they are as karma will sort everything else out.
p.s your mums lucky she got you

Answer 9

I like Mikey's answer. Normally I would say stay out of it but it's your mom and that is sacred ground. How about writing to them asking them to back off. Or, just throw out any further letters from them without opening them. If it's something really important, I'm sure you'll get a phone call. Just chuck the unopened letters. Don't give them anymore of your energy.

Answer 10

When the letters come draw a line through your mom's address and write RETURN TO SENDER on the letter.

Answer 11

Just be there for your Mom. Anything you may want to say to your nutty aunts would just backfire and your Mom would be blamed. I know it is hard to ignore it, but it really is best to just let it go. Remember what goes around comes around and they will regret their actions someday, someway. I've seen it happen too many times not to belive this.