IN LAWS!!! I really dread the hoildays..?

Question

Heres the problem what should I do???
When my husband and I met he was activated by the USMC for a year. I then spent a lot of time with his family. Everything was cool typical family issues ya know. Well my brother in law is crazy, this I know now not then. Anyways he always acts up and gets into truoble(drugs, jail, dui, etc.) Well my mother in law does nothing about it. he pretty much rules the house. Well I just had our third child and I often go visit with the children by myself because my husband is always working. The last time I was doen there my sister in law and my brother in law got into a fight, yelling and screaming over something stupid. Well my sister in law had my youngest in her arms while she was yelling and fighting with my brother in law. Anyways, I got up and left and I told my mother in law , if they get out of hand just take the baby please. She agreed and the fight continued for like 4 hours. Well , I left the next morning cause it was so crazy. Now we have to

go to their house this thanksgiving and i dont want to spend the night. My husband feels otherwise. I think his brother is crazy and since he controls the house I dont see my in laws stepping in. I just want to get a hotel near by and stay there to avoid the situation. What should I do. Talking to my mother in law is not an option, its like a brick wall. My husband is insistant that we stay there so we dont hurt his moms feelings.

Answer 1

I would get the hotel room. I would tell his mom that it is to much for her after cooking all day and cleaning up to have 5 additional people staying over. I would also say that the kids get up really early and make noise so you would feel more comfortable staying at a hotel near by instead of driving home. I would take my children and go sleep at the hotel if your husband has a need to sleep at his moms then great let him deal with the drama. You do what is best for your children.

I would think your husband knowing his brother has a drug problem would not want his children around that.

Next year go on vacation during the holidays and avoid all this drama.

Answer 2

Your main concern should be your children/family. If your husband insists that you stay over to spend time with his family then you should insist that you book a hotel room so that if things get outta control that you can take the children to a safe, quiet place. Also, why would you leave you youngest child w/ people that are fighting? That makes no sense ! Also, in regards to your MIL- she's probably so used to her sons antics that she just doesnt' deal with them anymore ! I have a brother that's similar. We went to visit for vacation and it was wonderful that we had a seperate place to stay ! If your husband is in the military or retired/disabled check out this website..

Armed Forces Vacation Club (AFVC) you can rent a timeshare/condo for $300 for the week.. Most have a fully equipped kitchen w/ dishwasher ! 2-3 bedrooms w/ linens television etc... Ours have had whirlpool jacuzzi tubs. The only downer is it's usually off-peak times.. Check it out ! We usually stay in one to visit my dysfunctional family.... Good luck

Answer 3

If your husband wants to stay with them, fine. But no one can make you stay there overnight, so get a motel room.

I don't understand why you just left while your child was in the arms of a screaming upset sister-in-law. You told your mother-in-law to take the child "if they get out of hand" -- dear, they were already out of hand.

Anyway, there is nothing -- not even marriage -- that compels anyone to endure such a hostile environment. Your husband owes you more consideration than he does to his highly dysfunctional family -- is he a man, or a child?

Good luck, dear. I think you'll need it.

Answer 4

You should make a stand with all of them, your kids are the most important thing in all of this, what if they start to fight while they have your children in their arms? its too dangerous and not a very good enviroment for children.
Put your foot firmly down and tell them you are not going to be staying there and tell them the reason why, if your husband wants to stay so he dont upset his mum then invite her to come along to the hotel with you. x

Answer 5

Re that scenario; they're your kids - you should have taken the child from your sisters arms ASAP. That wasn't a healthy situation - and you would have been right to be angry.

Re; the situation generally. Just handle it, stay then things are healthy - leave when they're not. If people ask, tell them - nicely, but tell them.

Answer 6

Two options.

One, Nut up and tell them how you feel.

Two, Nut up and tell him how your feel. In laws are only YOUR family if you want them to be. Say something to the effect of. The child and I will not go this year. Because your family cannot make the holidays a comfortable time for us. I will not subject me or my child to that. YOU may go and spend it with them, but WE will not this year.

Answer 7

I would just say you have to suck it up, but if it gets to the point where your kids are in danger you HAVE GOT to put your foot down! I would not be into taking my kids into an unsafe environment either. Sounds like someone needs to kick the brother in law in the butt.

Answer 8

The thing with men is that they have to think its their idea, so try giving him credit for an idea of yours. For example, you could say, "I liked your idea of giving your family one last chance before we start staying in a hotel. That's only fair"

Then when he does decide that you should stay in a hotel it was his great idea and he doesnt feel undermined by his wife. Good luck.

Answer 9

You would be derelict in your duties as a parent to allow your children to be exposed to this type of behavior - family or not. This type of situation can easily escalate into physical action and you do not want your children anywhere near it. Stand your ground. Your first and most important obligation is to your children.

Answer 10

there is an indian saying deaf Daughter in law (DIL) and dumb Mother in Law (MIL) make an ideal combination.

Declare your all in-laws as out-laws .

U spend sun rise to sunset time in castle of hassle

If u are a good writer, write an episode of wrangling of MILs and DILs based on ur hand on experience and send it to satelite channel 'STAR Plus' they are running soap operas in India 24 hours on this topic . it is possible they might accept the script !