Can I ask a bridesmaid to drop out of my wedding?

Question

I asked a friend to be a bridesmaid, and she said yes which was great. Since then though, it's been weird.

She eagerly offered to help with invitations, but when I sent her some of my ideas a few months ago, she never responded. I asked her later if she'd gotten my email, and she just said, "Oh yeah...I got it."

Since then, and for the past few months, she won't return any calls. So, I stopped calling her to keep from being a pest. I send her an email once in a while, and she never responds. It's giving me the feeling that she's avoiding me.

I've asked if she's alright and whether or not I'd done something, and she told me that everything was fine and that she was just busy. It only takes a few seconds to respond to an email or to call someone back, and I don't see how you can be too busy for a friend. I'm wondering now if she'll even show for my wedding.

I want to ask her to drop out. Is that wrong of me?

A little more background...

Helping with the invitations was her idea. At first, she was going to do the artwork. She told me that she wanted to do it, and when I sent her some of my ideas so she'd have an idea of what would look good (and I asked for her ideas, too), she never responded. I tried to get together with her on multiple occassions to work on this, and she was never available.

Then, I hear about parties that she goes to, and she tells me about how she got hammered...and such. But she doesn't have time to respond to an email?

A while after that and not having any luck with the artwork, I finally sent her an email relieving her of the invitation art since I needed to get the invites ordered. She did respond to that email actually, letting me know that it was fine and that she was probably too busy anyway.

Maybe I hurt her feelings, but her distance started early, too. She's been avoidant of me almost for the length of the engagement so far.

Answer 1

I don't think it is wrong of you, but if she tells you she's busy, it might be your door to asking "if you are so busy, I don't want to add to it, I would totally understand if you prefer to opt out of being a bridesmaid in my wedding".
That way, you're not telling her you want her out, but you're giving her the green light to fess up and tell you she doesn't want to do it.

Answer 2

That's weird. I think you should talk to her about it and give her the option of dropping out if she's too busy. You'll forever damage the friendship if you kick her out of your wedding party. Just tell her that you've noticed how busy she is, and that you're concerned that she may have taken on too many responsibilities. Let her know that if she is too busy to be in the wedding it's ok for her to come just as a guest. However, if she decided to continue as a bridesmaid, you should let her know what you expect of her.

Keep in mind that while the bridal party does help with some of the wedding planning, they still have their usual personal responsibilities and obligations.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Has she actually bought the dress or any accessories yet? If no, then you can ask her to attend the wedding as a guest since you are concerned about her commitment to the wedding. If she has purchased some things you have to ask yourself is it worth it to buy her dress etc. from her to not have her in the wedding. It wouldn't be fair for her to be out any money she has put into things. Either buy them off of her or just offer some type of money.

If you would like to let her know she's in the red zone, email her and let her know that you are very concerned with her commitment to your wedding and that you want to sit down and talk about things. If she doesn't respond then send her another email that she is out of the wedding. That first email is to let her know she's on thin ice. If she ignores that email you know she's not committed to your wedding.

Answer 4

Generally I think its poor taste to kick out bridesmaids just because they are not jumping up and down for your wedding. But in this case, she is not even returning your calls which is odd. If the message is "Hey call me back" she might not get around to calling if she is busy. If you say "I am working on the invitations in the beginning of Dec and would like to know when you are free" For some people it just helps if its more specific. Some people just get lost in their own world, maybe she is that type of person.

Answer 5

I believe others - sure, you may drop out of the marriage. AND sure, this might propose your friendship with this lady is over. despite the fact that, judging out of your perspectives approximately her cheating on her fiance, you're probable no longer attracted to keeping a friendship with this lady besides. Drop out now - mutually as the bride has time to locate a substitute. Your excuse: you have rechecked it sluggish table and funds and locate which you are able to't commit to being the commonplace of bridesmaid that she is going to prefer. say sorry to her profusely. Oh. one ingredient - this is substantial: If she's paid any deposits on issues like outfits and so on. insist on paying them. that gets you off the hook and she or he will't beef approximately you leaving her with a deposit on a gown no you may positioned on... you prefer out of the marriage stuff - no longer have your call smeared approximately through fact you fee this chick an extra wad of money on your gown.

Answer 6

No it's not wrong! It is your wedding and she obviously has a problem with something. Just try to ask nicely and tell her the reasons why you don't want her in the wedding anymore! Who knows maybe you will get all your feelings out and you'll find out if something has been bugging her and maybe it will be all right. Anyways, I hope that all of you wedding plans go smoothly and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Answer 7

If I were in your place, I would tell her that since she is so busy and doesn't have the time to help you with your plans, you are relieving her from being your MOH.

She is not acting like a friend, and if she gets mad and doesn't speak to you anymore, what have you lost?

Answer 8

This happened to me last week!
Don't ask her to drop out, tell her either you have replaced her or you don't need her as a maid anymore.
And yes, it is so rude when they "don't have time" to call you, but can talk to everyone of their myspace friends!

Answer 9

IMHO, this is your wedding, and if having her a part of it, for whatever reason, is making you uncomfortable, you have the right to do whatever you need to do to relieve that stress. This is your day, yours, not hers.

Answer 10

id say drop her. you dont need the added stress of chivvying her along when she is ment to be helping you!!!