Don't know what to do about grandmother in-law?

Question

My husbands grandmother lives next to us and will not leave us a lone for a second. She calls and comes over(walks right in) at least 5 times a day. Every time I leave the house she comes out to ask where I'm going and when I'll be back. She even goes through our grocery bags to "get ideas" for things she can buy. The last straw was I'm 7 weeks pregnant and not telling anyone yet. She walked in my house to see what I was making for dinner, picked up my prescription vitamins and read the label. Now she knows and is going to tell everyone. What do I say to this woman.

Answer 1

You have to talk to your husband first and tell him what is the attitude of his grandma. Tell him that you need privacy sometimes with no hurt feeling.

Answer 2

If your absolutely certain she knows then politely ask her not tell so that you and your husband can bear the news to everyone (maybe have to sooner than later). Though, I have to say, family knowing before the 12 week mark is generally considered be the appropriate course here (since they are family). But, if you've decided for whatever reason they can't know then just nicely ask her to refrain from telling anyone. Give your reason and let her know its important to you and her grandson. As far as the walking into your house and going through your stuff. Locking your door would handle one issue but she's nosy she's going to look around and to boot she's your grandma (or at least your husbands). Give up now on that one, just won't happen. People are who they are, you have to accept that and plan based on that. If there's something you don't want her to see or touch keep it where she won't be able to. Unfortunately with family you have to accept them faults and all, just as they do with you. Good luck.

Answer 3

It's very hard to handle things like this and first I would definitely make sure that you and your husband are on the same page with how you feel about his grandmother's nosiness. Second, if you both agree, you need to BOTH sit down and talk to her about how you value your privacy. You need to tell her that you love having her around and in your lives, but that sometimes she needs to give you both space. Maybe pick certain days and times where she is always invited for lunch or dinner so that she doesn't feel left out of your lives. You don't want to insult her, you just want to make her understand how you feel and that you both love her and value her relationship.

Answer 4

Change the locks and USE THEM.
The woman is bored and needy and nosey... and you are her primary amusement.
You cannot be polite to this buttinsky because she will not take the hint.
You and your husband will have to sit her down for a very straightforward talk, spelling out that you cannot have her busting in on you whenever she feels like it. She must call first, and she must respect your privacy.
Broadcasting your condition, or any other aspect of your lives, to her circle of friends is not showing respect, nor is it deserving of your respect.

Answer 5

first off CHANGE THE LOCK - the least she can do is to KNOCK before entering

i used to get my husbands parents keep letting themselves into the house unannounced when my husband was at work and i was at home looking after our then baby son. One time i had company and the lounge door burst open and my fil trundled the lawnmower through the lounge mumbling 'oh it was a nice sunny day and i thought it was a good day to do the lawn' no phone call no nothing! He said that he had already asked my husband if he could do the lawn 'sometime' (which he translated as barge into our home anytime you like)

when it came to a head we did have a massive pow wow and the message did finally get across - it was important that my husband was part of that process. They were and are well meaning but they didnt realise how violated i felt by the constant 'letting themselves in as they were just passing' (they lived in the same ROAD as us) was to me but as i said they finally got to realise when i had a bag packed and was taking myself and my son to my foster sisters house (100+ miles away) for an indefinite period

they did have a key BUT it was meant to be there for an emergancy not to give them total freedom of access to our house and unfettered access to our lives

i think for your own sanity you will need to get your husband to talk to her about her intrustive behaviour - laying down firm boundaries - your husband not you as it is his grandmother rather than yours who is failing to show regard for your privacy (or you could always just strip down to your birhtday suit whenever you see her leaving her house? she may choose not to keep doing that again!!)

the conversation can go something like 'grandmother we do love you BUT we also need our own SPACE and privacy or this arrangement of living so close wont work'

maybe enlist the support of other family members in case she decides to then run around saying 'my own flesh and blood dont want me anymore etc etc)

but the main one to confront her ought to be your own husband in the first instance - if she isnt amenable and your husband is supportive of you then you need to take a plan of action - changing the locks and maybe even moving house to somewhere local but too far for her to walk to

Answer 6

I guess your grandmother in law feels she has the freedom to come and go as she pleases.... and lots of families are this way.

You could consider letting her know that she will need to call you before coming over from now on...

You need your privacy, and i'm sure it's inconvenient having someone just walking in on you all of the time.

Answer 7

I think I might have my husband and his parents talk to her. She is clearly overstepping her bounds and I can see how that might be annoying and intrusive but . . . you just have to cherish grandparents! I miss mine more than I can say. Somehow you will have to draw boundaries and set limits and get her to respect them. Someone so close and hungry for attention and companionship could be an asset! Find a way to balance it - I trust you can find a way . . . be patient and loving.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Say nothing. Escort her nosy *** right back out that door.

Answer 9

tell hubby what she did i hope things get better