"Am I wrong to avoid my Mother-in-law?"?

Question

I talk to my mil sometimes. Then I don't. I try to avoid her because she always is finding something silly to say when she is around me. The silly things are very mean and nasty. Why would she spend so much time trying to bring me down? Also, when she does these mean things to me they are done when no one is around or either they are out of earshot.

Answer 1

Your not wrong, but you should tell your husband. I am sure that he can speak with her.

Answer 2

I avoid my MIL at all costs (married 25 years)....she's judmental and depressing and her SON (my BIL) HE'S the one who does what you get -- the nasty words when no one is around to hear. Of course, he has said things in FRONT of a ton of people only to embarrass me and make me look stupid --- because we CAN'T STAND EACH OTHER. I will not be within 50' of him knowing it. Once I made these people disappear from my brain, I felt better. I still have to see my MIL every so often but not too much -- thank goodness!!! Sorry you're going through this. Some people seem to like to hurt others because they have pain in their own lives and they don't know how to deal with it so they attempt to make other people miserable. I have 2 daughter-in-laws and I told them if I ever remotely come close to acting like that woman, SAY SOMETHING!! But I'm close to the girls -- they're the daughters I never had. One is moving in with me again soon with my grandson (yeah.....she WANTS to be with me :) ) --- my son is in the service and she's been staying with her dad....had a baby young -- she's not 18 for a couple weeks. We live in an apartment and she has to be 18 to be added to our lease - otherwise, she'd be her now. You'd think these women would WANT daughter-in-laws in their lives ya know? I sure appreciate them and love them!!!!

Answer 3

When people are mean it is only natural to want to avoid them. Your mother-in-law doesn't need to be your best friend. All that is needed from your relationship is mutual trust and respect (especially if you have kids or ever plan on having them).

Have you had a conversation with your husband about these comments she makes? He is her son and probably knows that she can be rude. He will probably have some ideas on what he has done in the past to get her to stop.

Have you had a conversation with you mother-in-law yet? You might want to tell her how this makes you feel. It might get her to see things from your perspective. She might think she is just being funny and not realize how hurtful she is being.

Answer 4

I understand that completely, my mil is the same way and then my husband doesn't understand my feelings towards her. So my personal opinion it is not wrong to avoid her because of what happens I have finally realized that I didn't marry her and I shouldn't have to always make her happy so I avoid her at all cost. I am with my husband and since he doesn't realize what she does to me then I am done. I figure you can never make her happy...don't understand that...so why should I keep wearing myself out because of it. I hope that helps...I know I was happy to hear I was not the only one avoiding my mil. I wish you all the luck I know how hard it is especially since holidays are coming up!

Answer 5

You are not wrong
I am never close to mine either
she always manipulates something into being ugly
the last thing she said was hubby was a prisoner to me
I would stay clear
You do not need to take it though
if it becomes too difficult I would just confront her
mIne does alot behind my back
and it has crushed me ,But I will go on
we all do
I jut hope to be given the chance to be a really good
mother in law as I have 5 children
Best of luck
Sincerely
nicole

Answer 6

It sounds like she does not like you. Some mothers feel intimidated that they are no longer the 'woman' in their sons life. They do not want to share their son with any one, no one is good enough. Or they feel that their son could do better, but in the long run no one can measure up to the mothers expectations. Does your husband know what is going on? Does he say any thing to his mother when this happens?
If he knows it is going on it is his responsibility to confront his mother and tell her that it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. If it continues I would personally have a come back line to every thing she has to say about you. Sometimes people shut up when the words are being thrown back at them.
I remember one time my husband's uncle kept making remarks that our daughter did not belong to my husband. I kept silent and my husband just kept telling me to ignore him.
But one day the uncle made a remark and left the room, I followed him out and confronted him on it. I gave him a mouth full. He just stood there and looked at me like he didn't know what I was talking about. But he NEVER again said anything about our daughter again.

Answer 7

It's really pretty tricky how some people can seem so nice when around OTHER people and you are there........then, get all mean and nasty when other people are not around to see it. It makes you look like the bad guy. I learned not to play games with such people. I see them when I am with others, so that they don't get the chance to be 'secretly mean' to me. Avoiding her when it would just be the two of you is a great idea. It will keep her behaving nicely.

Answer 8

Confront her: why are you taking that crap in silence and pretending you're Ok with it ?.
For making her feel comfortable while she puts you down, you feel angry, resentful etc.
Confront her, tell her that you are very aware of the mean way she treats you when nobody is around, and you don't appreciate her, Tell her that you don't appreciate her disrespect, and that if she doesn't modify her behavior, you'll tell the rest of the family why you'll be away from her.
I don't think one has to take crap from mothers-in-law, husbands, boyfriends, bosses, or anybody !.
Good luck !

Answer 9

i hear ya. it is the same thing with me. i always tell my husband "please don't leave me alone" it is like they are waiting for him to leave the room and then they pounce. my mil has been trying to convince me for 3 years now that my 4.5 year old is retarded and should be commited to a mental hospital because he throws temper tantrums sometimes. when he started pre-school for the first time this past september she told me he would get kicked out because he is so extremely retarded and no one will want to watch a thing like that. lol..i just laugh at her and walk away. i definetly try to avoid in-laws as much as possible. i wouldn't doubt it if they track this reply somehow and show my husband to try again to get us to seperate.

Answer 10

WoW! I would be avoiding her too. Have you talked to your husband about this. I know it's his mother, but you are his wife and if she is attacking you personally while no one is around, he needs to set her straight. I would make it a point to not be near her alone. She obviously has issues and she needs to know that it bothers you and if you don't feel comfortable talking to her yourself about what she is doing to you, then your husband needs to step up and take care of it. Good Luck.

Answer 11

You dont need to avoid your mother law,you need to stand up to her and let her know that you dont like her talking to you the way she is,mother in laws always have a pick for their daughter in laws because according to them no one is good enough for their son.you need to let your boyfriend know what's happening and both of you talk to her ,and whenever you are alone with her dont let your guard down dont be afraid to let her know what you like and dont like,dont be afraid of her take your stand do it now are you are going to be in problem later.try your best not to be disrespectful whenever she is been unkind to you dont loose your temper count to ten and just let her know exactly how you feel.i think you should also get a copy of the movie monster in law this movie will give you a heads up on what to do.