My girlfriend has HIV and I am negative and Im having a hard time with the relationship?

Question

My girlfriend of about 9 months was recently diagnosed as hiv positive about 2 months ago. It turns out she had it for years and didnt know it. I have been tested and came back negative thank god. But Im having a hard time with the sexual part of the relationship. I know there alot of people out there who have differnt hiv statuses and still have sex, but I have super anxiety about it. Give me some advice on what to do and how to deal with the anxiety.

Answer 1

You need to get out now. Today. Immediately. Not after the next time you nail her, but now. There is no dealing with someone with HIV. They have it, you may eventually get it. Every time you have sex with her, it's Russian Roulette. You do not want to spend the rest of your life on your knees praying to God every morning that you didn't get a death sentence during your last orgasm. Yes, they have drugs that may help, and condoms might lessen your chances of getting it, but do you really want to throw the dice for ten minutes of pleasure?

Answer 2

I feel sorry for what you both are dealing with. You will need to go get tested again because the virus takes 6 months to show positive with blood work, then if that comes back negative you will need to get tested again 6 months after that just to make sure you don't have it. I'm going to be logical, If there is is a possibility that u definately don't have HIV, would u be willing to risk getting infected being that your girlfriend definately has the infection? Protection is good, but what happens if the condom breaks? You are already nervous now. I will definately say DO NOT HAVE SEX...... She is going through a hard time being that she didn't know about it, so the best thing to do is to talk, and connect in a different way other then sexually for the time being, until you definately know your status. Knowing that you can get the virus from kissing with open sores.If sex is normallly a big part of a relationship, then this may not be the relationship for you.....But you could still be really great friends, any form of an STD is hard to deal with. I wish you & your girlfriend the best luck, and I hope everything works out!

Answer 3

A: I never read that you love her very much or that your whole world evolves around her.

B: Don't just let one test for HIV be the end-all-of-end-alls. HIV can show up at any time. I am tested every year just to be on the safe side.

C: Man if you are having sex, it better be protected sex and even that is not a guarantee.

D: I would not have anxiety, I would run. If you really want to have a sexual relationship with her, I would suggest that you go and talk with a doctor or that you find an AIDS counseling group that can help you with this anxiety.

F: If you marry and want to have a family there are many, many things to be considered. Will the children be HIV? Are you ready to be a single dad?

G: I wish you luck, but really think you need to talk with professionals about life threatening actions such as sex with an HIV or AIDS person.

Answer 4

First of all, it is very clear that a lot of the people who responded to your question have good intentions and your best interests at heart, but do not have a whole lot of knowledge in regards to your situation. What you currently have is called a serodiscordant relationship meaning that one person is HIV+, while the other is HIV-. Many people lead happy serodiscordant relationships. This can be your case, but there are a couple of things you should be aware of. For starters, make sure to always use a condom when having intercourse. Even with oral intercourse, use condoms, female condoms, or saran wrap. Also attempt to join your partner when he visits his MD. Educate yourself about HIV. Learn the significance of a CD4 count and viral load. Also see if your partner is prescribed medications, and if he is, make sure he takes them on a daily basis exactly as prescribed. If your partner is on medications and has a high CD4 (T-cell) count and and viral load that is less than 48 or undetectable (meaning there are less than 48 copies of the HIV virus in the blood), AND you use a condom every time during intercourse, then there is a very slim chance that you could become infected. Extremely slim. Some very lucky individuals with great immune systems have CD4 counts over 500 and are undetectable even without medication. In terms of having children, this can also be achieved through sperm washing, where specialized techs would wash the sperm of any HIV viruses and artificially inseminate you. Your children would not be HIV+ at all and you would remain HIV-!!! In the clinic I work in, I see many happy serodiscordant couples who have made it work. I have a couple who has been together for 15 years and the husband is HIV+, while the wife remains HIV-. I would also suggest you test yourself about every six months, as this lady does. I am not trying to push you one way or another, because ultimately you have to follow your heart and choose what would be the best option for yourself and your child. On top of the health issues, you also have to take into consideration the stigma that still exists around HIV, as you already know from the reaction of your friends and family. It is a lot easier for us HIV- couples and I have never been in your situation, nor do I know what I would do if I was. What I do ask is that you be as informed as possible, before making that decision. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend..and am glad to hear that you are clear.

I dont even know where to begin. I can honeslty say that I am so freaked out about that sort of thing..that I would not want to have any part of intimacy. I know the hows and why's of HIV but it still does not diminish any fears.

Yes ofcourse you can use protection..but there will always be that what if. What if it breaks, what if its not fool proof...there are so many what ifs! You really have to step back and ask yourself if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you love her enough to get past the fact that she has HIV.

Good luck my friend.

Answer 6

That would be a hard thing to deal with. I know I wouldn't have sex with someone who tested positive. You have to think of your saftey and health, and it is hard to break someones heart but you have to look out for yourself. You can be friends if that would work out, but I am sure that will be hard on her to know that you are leaving her. The thing is it can take time to show a positive so you may not be clean yourself. Just be careful, and do what you think is best for yourself. If you know it is something you can't overcome it is best not to stay. If you believe you love this person enough it is a risk you run. The feelings are yours we can't tell you right or wrong.

Answer 7

You can't relieve the anxiety unless you decide this is the last girl you will ever be with. You will always be at risk if you have sex with her, even with protection. You can't just turn around if you decide to move on and put someone else at risk. You are in a very tough position, and you should make your steps very carefully. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well, if it helps any, physics comes into play. For the most part, there is always semen coming out of the penis. Vaginal excretions usually do not make their way up a males peehole. Wear protection if you are that worried. If you truly love her, give her a break because I believe when it comes to HIV or any other std, the women do get the bad breaks. Love her all you can because her time is limited unless a cure is found. Hope this helps. (Sheri) Protection...Protection...Protection!

Answer 9

Wow, this is one of the truly serious questions I have seen on here and I am not equipped to give you any advice. I would talk to a health care professional, go on line and get yourself educated. Decide if this relationship is something that you truly desire to be in. Good luck. I'm not a terribly religious person, but I will pray for you.

Answer 10

I am VERY sorry for her illness
and your situation!
I seem to have read somewhere that
in among hetrosexual non drug users,
women tend to be more vulnerable to hiv
than men. This could explain why you
don't have it, yet she does.
So that would be the main "comforting"
thing I could tell you, is that you are less
likely to catch-it, than if you were a woman
who's bf/husband had hiv.
That being said,
the only 100% "safe" sex is abstinence.