MATURE people, can you give me advice to this sex question?

Question

I am 21 years old and I just started going out with my boyfriend "officially" on Friday. We haven't done anything sexually yet (except kiss of course) as I want to take it somewhat slow. Is there an appropriate amount of time I should wait before sleeping with him? I am very easily attached and I have been known to fall for men quite quickly. I want to be smart about this, as I have made the mistake of sleeping with men too early in the past.
Also, I don't want this relationship to fail. I broke up with my last bf of 2 years because things just got BORING and there was no sex life. How can I keep things interesting (regarding sex and also regarding hanging out together)? Any advice is appreciated!

Answer 1

wait as long as you possibly can!!! You cant go back to holding hands.... and they are always wanting that sex... so hold out . dont even get in a situation where you have to stop him.... Make him fall in love with you first!!!

Answer 2

OK this is kinda tough. Does he know how quickly you have done it with guys in the past? All the best intentions in the world can be lost if you did others but won't him. The way to handle that if he does is just tell him you want to be together a while first. (that usually chases off the biggest fakers), and stand by it but you can only answer that yourself as we are not in the situation. I can tell you this! I have never had a longterm relationship with Suzy Slut or Rosie Rotttoncrotch. I mean you have to get him to assume that you respect yourself are worth the wait or he will go find someone that is worth the wait or won't have a waiting period.

I would look at any where from a few weeks to a couple of months. depending on your situation.
Once you do then you have a situation of not being able to take it back. Maybe you can do hand or BJs first.

Answer 3

The correct time is when you are absolutely comfortable and decide it is a good idea. No sooner, no later. There is no artificial time on the calendar. In fact, as a guy I hate the silliness of arbitrary and artificial rules that run around in women's heads. I can understand a woman feeling right. But living by all these dumb rules just seems totally absurd to me.

But don't allow what he wants to over-ride your comfort level. That is, don't do something you really don't want to do because you are afraid of what he wants. That doesn't work. And remember that guys cannot read your mind, at least not most of the time. So he won't know that you are not 100% comfortable -- unless you tell him.

HOWEVER, VERY IMPORTANT: If he makes a move, and you are not ready, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT FEEL PERSONALLY REJECTED. You must let him know that you are growing through different feelings and it takes time for you. Make sure that you explain that you are not yet there in terms of feeling ready, NOT REJECTING HIM. Make sure he knows that you like him a lot. It's just that it is a big step to you.

Answer 4

well If you obviously dont want to wait till marriage, then id say atleast give it a few months. Go on dates, go do fun things, but most of all just enjoy your time with each other. Its not really a certain time that you can fall in love with someone......and getting attatched too quickly is better than not getting attatched at all. So just calm down and dont try to force yourself not to fall in love....because you may end up missing the boat....so just relax and let things happen naturally.....living your life guarded is no way to live. And as far as the love life category, the only way to keep it interesting is to really pay attention to each others needs because eventually you run out of positions and places to have sex so if your into eachother completely it wont matter where its at or what position your in.........so all in all just relax and enjoy the new relationship ....but if you plan on taking things slow in that department then atleast tell your new bf so he doesnt get offended .

Answer 5

If you want to wait, then wait. However, if you want to keep a guy, you will eventually have to have sex with him. I used to be like you. I would fall in love hard. I tried casual sex, but it left me lonely and unfulfilled. I waited for the next guy who I wanted to have a relationship with, and when I found a guy online with whom I had alot in common. We talked alot via email for a month or so, and then when we finally met we had sex. We've been married for over 2 years after dating for 2. (4 years total).

Find your common ground. What do you both like to do? Share hobbies, favorite places, activities. Try not to do the same thing when you see each other. Don't hang out too often (2-3x a week max in the beginning) or else it will get old fast. Looking forward to seeing each other is what keeps the relationship alive.

You can only take it slow for so long, before they get disinterested. I've found this to be true for alot of my past relationships. I understand you don't want to make the same mistakes, but if he's a jerk, it's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for thinking you're rushing. You're just a hopeless romantic. If you feel this guy is one you want to work, the sex will happen naturally. If it seems slow or fast, that's the nature of the relationship. Don't feel pressured into having sex. If he truly likes you, he won't rush it, as long as you let him know it will happen.

Answer 6

You wait as long as YOU want. Personally I started dating my partner when I was 15 and we waited around 3 months. We're still together almost 3 years later (we're 18).

If sex is getting boring, add something new. There are SO many things you can try, bondage, s/m, toys, positions, threesomes, anal, oral, mutual masturbation, costumes, role playing, watching pornography or other erotic materials....So so so many things! If it's getting stale look up something new and kinky online and do it! You can also ask HIM what would make it interesting for him, if he has a fantasy to fulfil (or if you do).. Communication is the key here, and also a LUST for adventure...lol I'm hilarious. :P

Maybe wait a couple of months before real sex, but don't let it stop you from touching and being intimate.

Answer 7

You sound just like me!! Im 20 and I was giving it up to soon coz i felt I should of been!!

With my fella im with now we waited about 1 month, this was actually a long time as i saw him EVERY day for that month and even stayed at his friends house 5 nights a week!

Its our 2 and a half yr anniversary this month

ALSO, dont worry about it getting boring until it starts getting boring or you will be extremely adventurous in the start (which can scar him) and then it will become the normal thing.

keep wild sexual experiments to very now and then to spice things up when its a little dull!!

Pick him up from work in a long coat with barely anything underneath and let him unwrap you!!

Flic x x

Answer 8

Give it plenty of time. If you want to be smart wait until your married. Sex is actually less than .1% of a relationship. Communication and expressing intimacy is what builds long-lasting interesting relationships. Our society is focused on sex from marketing to our core identity. Develop your self to become a more interesting date or mate. Love yourself and the the rest will follow. Good Luck

Answer 9

There is no "set" amount of time you should wait. Sex shouldn't be expected by either person. This is where America falls short of other countries. Americans judge the success of our relationships based on the "amount" of sex. Where other countries judge the success based on how happy they are. Sometimes you'll have sex, sometimes you won't. Don't worry about it. Be happy. Be yourself. Live your life and find a way to have a b/f in that life with you. You'll be amazed that as you find your true self, and learn to rely on you, and no one else, that intimacy will come naturally and will be fantastic.

Answer 10

As far as sex is concerned, only you will know when the right time is for you to get intimate with him. A piece of advice is that you should not try to spend every waking moment with him. Go out with friends sometimes and give him his space. This is key.

Answer 11

kinda seems like your attached to this guy already! Well from your prior relationship you know what too soon is. So you kinda have a measuring stick with that. Just go with the flow and use your judgement! Live life your young!