My bf and I have been living together for almost 4 yrs now I have 2 children from a previous marriage and I get child support for them this money goes toward them and our household bills my bf pays for the mortage and his credit card bills the trouble is his mom and brother are really irrisponsible with thier money they buy things that are way too much for them to handle I don't mind helping someone out in need but how can I tell him to stop supporting them . It isnt fair when his brother's wife dresses better than I do and his brother calls my bf up crying that he has no $ for his kids and his mom has her utilities shut off cuz she is paying for all the bills cuz her new hubby wont get his lazy butt a job and help support her so she calls my bf crying too . they choose to live this way why do we have to bail them out time and time again ? and my bf is a giving person and loves them very much but I feel they are taking advantage of him what can I say ? and not seem mean ?
2007-11-05 01:05:45 · 9 answers · asked by ThE OnE aNd OnLy ..PEPSIGIRL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your boyfriend probably would feel guilty if he said no to his family. I'm sure he thinks he's helping them. But sometimes people have to be allowed to fail in order to learn. It sounds like your boyfriend's family fits into that category. What would happen to them if you and your boyfriend were suddenly unable to help them financially? More than likely they'd move on to someone else.
By helping his family, your boyfriend is actually hurting them. They'll never learn to be more responsible because they don't have to. He's their safety net. By not helping them he'll be helping them more than he knows. They'll have to do things differently and take responsibility for their own actions. It may seem harsh and they may be upset with him but they'll also find alternate means of taking care of themselves.
2007-11-05 01:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When these relatives borrow money from your b/f do they pay it back? If they do then you don't have a leg to stand on, if they don't I would suggest you sit down with pen and paper and make a list of the money they have 'borrowed' and not returned over the last year or so - maybe if your b/f were to see it in black and white he might realise how irresponsible these people are and that if he keeps bailing them out they will never stand on their own two feet. I would also point out that this is the downside of being with a kind person - vultures come out of the woodwork!
Edit - I think he will always bail his mother out - after all she brought him up for all those years and he turned out a nice person (so she did something very well with him) - maybe he just feels he is returning the kindness.
2007-11-05 01:12:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are worried about your financial stability. Tell him that you love his family very much, but he is affecting your financial future. Tell him that sometimes you have to be tough on a person if you love them. If he stops paying for his family's financial mistakes they will have to get on their own two feet. Don't mention them paying him back. He cannot support his family for the rest of his life. If he does he won't be able to help his kids get into college or retire when he wants to. You might also think about drawing up a chart of where all of your monthly income is going. Do this for a few months and then let him see exactly how much money is being sucked up by his family. It is easier to ignore something if there are not hard numbers in front of you. Let him know that this is affecting any financial stability which is unfair to you and your kids. Don't get emotional except to express sympathy about his family and his situation. If you are empathetic towards him and them he is much more likely to be sympathetic towards how you feel.
2007-11-05 01:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kima 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are taking advantage of your BF. I been in this sistuation before and your biyfriend should figure out how to say NO to them. Even if you act like a ***** it would be ok because you need to stand up for what you belienve in and its your boyfriend so he should be spending the money on you not them and they should go to classes
2007-11-05 01:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Opening his eyes is a hard job.Put on paper how much his family has wasted in your family money. You need a divorce from his mooch family.
2007-11-05 01:15:28 · answer #5 · answered by oatesmokid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not say anything without being seen as a *****. He needs to learn to say no to his family. You need to talk with him about why he can not say no, what he gets from helping them, etc.
2007-11-05 01:10:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have frank discussion with BF!
2007-11-05 01:09:27 · answer #7 · answered by Hari O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him this needs to stop or you will put a stop to this relationship.
2007-11-05 01:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is not your husband, you have nothing to say about it.
2007-11-05 01:18:05 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋