How do I talk to my neighbor about the pistol he sleeps with?

Question

My neighbor sleeps with a loaded pistol. My 10yo son is friends with his kids. They are always running in and out of both of our houses. I just found out our neighbor, D, sleeps with a loaded pistol. I assume it's loaded because what good would a pistol be without bullets? D is a very good neighbor and I don't want him to feel embarrassed when I talk to him about it. I cannot allow my child to go to a house that keeps loaded weapons, let alone unsecured weapons.

How do I approach him in a neighborly way?

And for you Mother Bears out there, yes, I know it's my right to talk to him and it's my child's safety in question but I do NOT want this one issue to affect our good relationship. Their son is one of my son's best friends. We live in very close proximity to them (across the street).

Wanted to add: It's not a rumor. D told me he got scared in another neighborhood a few years back and now sleeps with a pistol. I did not ask details at that time. Maybe I should have.

Answer 1

Having a handgun myself, I have met handgun owners who cover the whole spectrum when it comes to the safety issue. If your child sleeps under his roof then you have the right to ask him about how he stores his guns. The best way to find out about this is to try to work it into normal conversation. A good way might be to imply you are thinking about purchasing a gun yourself but are concerned about safety issues. Ask him to explain what he does in the way of safe storage of his guns.

Then make sure both the kids have been shown how a gun works and how to handle one safely. Curiosity is the number one killer when it comes to kids and guns. Kids are very resourceful and if they want to access a gun they usually can. (I know I had no problem accessing guns that were stored "safely" when I was a kid.) If they don't know how to handle a gun safely then, obviously, bad things can happen once they do get their hands on the gun (which they eventually will).

Good luck.

Answer 2

You have the right to ask your neighbor about any firearms or other weapons that may be in the residence.

You say you assume the gun is loaded. It may not be. Even if it is, it may have a trigger lock on it (a device that prevents the weapon from being fired when pulling the trigger). You can ask your neighbor if he practices gun safety. He may sleep with the weapon in or near his bed but does he lock it up during the day when he is not around?

Having a gun is not against the law for most people. However, if a person owns a firearm, knowing safety practices are required. I have 2 guns. I keep one in my dresser that is unloaded but there are 2 loaded clips (magazines) in the same drawer. This gun does have a trigger lock on it. My other gun is kept in my truck. It IS loaded with a round chambered. There is no trigger lock on that one. However, there are no small children in this house.

Talk to your neighbor. Ask questions. Is the gun loaded? Is it secured? Does it have a trigger lock? Are the bullets kept in hiding? Assume nothing...ASK.

A gun does not have to be loaded to be a threat. Also, if your neighbor is like me, he can have a gun loaded and a round chambered in a matter of a few seconds. Many people who own guns do not keep them loaded all the time.

Talking with your neighbor should not affect the relationship if he is approached in a non-threatening manner. Just be conversational and friendly. Say you have a concern for safety, which you do. If he is a mature, responsible adult, hopefully he will see your point and offer to take corrective measures (if necessary) to ensure both your son's and his own son's safety.

This would also be an excellent opportunity to discuss gun safety with your child. Tell him that he is never to touch a gun...loaded or not. Guns are not toys and they are not to be played with. Tell him it's natural to be curious but curiousity can kill the cat...literally.

EMT

Answer 3

You've gotten some good answers already and I want to add my opinion into the mix. Do let your neighbor know that you heard a rumor that he sleeps with a loaded handgun and your concerned for your son's safety. The neighbor could just be spreading these rumors around to deter criminals or he may really have a loaded handgun in the bed with him - which I feel would be quite foolhardy. Perhaps you could suggest that if the neighbor does feel that it is necessary to keep the gun around that he place it in his bedside table and install a device that makes the drawer difficult to open for kids but easy for him to open. Also encourage the neighbor to choose bullets that go into fragments when they hit an object so they are less likely to come through multiple walls and hit an unintended target.

This is an excellent opportunity for you to discuss gun safety with your son and tell him that he must never touch a gun without you being with him nor should he stick around if others are playing with a gun. If it were me, I'd tell him that the parents' bedroom was off limits to him and then explain your concerns.

You should definitely talk to the neighbor as this could be just a rumor - keep the conversation friendly and let him know what you heard.

Answer 4

The problem with sleeping with a loaded weapon is that it can accidentally discharge and that is an endangerment to your neighbor as well as anyone else nearby. It is also very careless to have an unsecure weapon in a house with children.

This is an issue you need to approach frankly and seriously. Take him aside for a private talk. Explain what you have been told and ask him if it is true. Ask him what precautions, if any, he is using to insure the safety of his family and his neighbors. Ask him why he feels the need to have this gun at ready and what he plans to do to maintain a safe environment for the children.

If you are not satisfied with his answers you are perfectly justified in telling your son's friend he can play at your house only.

Your neighbor needs some food for thought. Too many people think they need protection but do not have a clue to the safety requirements that come along with it.

Answer 5

I obviously don't know D as well as you do- however, my common sense tells me that you may have a problem here. If D has a son and is willing to keep a loaded, unsecured weapon in his home, then he may not sympathize with your concern. There's a possibility that he won't be defensive, or he may come to share your concern, but if he hasn't already realized the danger entailed with such a situation, he may not ever do so. You can approach it gently and ask him if he keeps the gun in a secure location when he's not supervising it. If he doesn't, you can share your concern for his son's and your son's safety. But if he doesn't budge, you'll have to evaluate whether the friendship is worth putting your son at such a grave risk.

Answer 6

Just say, "D, it has come to my attention that you have a loaded gun in the house that is easily accessible to the boys and though it may be highly unlikely anything will ever happen, I dont want to risk them losing sight with reality for a minute, pretending to play cops and robbers or whatever, and accidently shoot the other. Would it be possible to lock the pistol up while the kids are there?"

Something like that. It really is extremely rare for kids to shoot each other but it does happen and it is better to be safe than sorry.

Answer 7

Anyone that sleeps with a loaded pistol is out of his tree, on two counts.

One, the thing could go off while he is sleeping. So where will the round go? Depending on the caliber, it could damn well go through a wall and into another room. (Assuming he doesn't blow his own brains out with it.)

Two; as you mentioned the pistol could get into the wrong (juvenile) hands, with equally sad results.

Either he secures the pistol, or you'll need to remove (or alter) the firing pin so that the weapon can not fire. Then, he sleeps contented, and so does everyone else.

Just don't do what a friend of mine did in a similar situation. After cutting the firing pin, he actually sold the guy a box of ammo!

Worse, he invited the guy to go target shooting, and stood there calmly while the sucker discovered that his pistol wouldn't fire.

Answer 8

Personally I think it's his right to own a firearm, although I question the wisdom of having the gun out and around children. The best you can do is prevent your son from going over there. Invite the kids to play at your house from now on.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Just nicely bring it up! Just that you feel kinda unsafe with your son there around a loaded pistol! Of course it is your right as his mother to worry what your son is around! If you are friends with him he should understand your concern! If not keep your son from going over there!