My aunt is in a nursing home and I was visiting her everyday. I had to stop because it was tearing me up emotionally. I cut down to once a week. My mom said if I do not go more that she will get pneumonia and my aunt will sit and cry in her room and get kicked out. My aunt cries when I go visit her and tells me that I need to visit her the next day. My aunt cries and asks me to pray for her so she can survive the nursing home.
My mom won I am doing what she wants. I realize that this has set a president and my mom will do this again because it worked. My friends say that I need to keep my boundaries, take care of myself and only do what I can do. When I stopped going to see my aunt every day I started sleeping better and was less depressed. What should I do? I am back to my insomnia again this am. It is really early here.
2007-11-05 00:13:53 · 6 answers · asked by adobeprincess 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do what's right for you, and tell your mum where she gets off. Tell her to visit more - and/ or badger a few more folk into spreading the load. People do not catch pneumonia through only being visited once a week, that's just bo11ox. Have a word with the nursing home staff, buy her a budgie or a hamster, whatever it takes... and go to sleep.
2007-11-05 00:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by who me? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You cannot control your mother or your aunts behavior, only your own. You cannot be forced by guilt to do something unless you want to be. Since this is effecting your health and mental well being, you need to tell your mother that you will not be visiting every day. Tell her that someone cannot get pneumonia because someone is not visiting and while you are upset that your aunt is in a nursing home, its her reality. If she is crying the whole time you are there, you sure aren't doing her any good. Oh and they aren't going to kick her out for crying, that's just BS.
Speak to whoever is in charge at the nursing home and talk to them about your aunts depression. Or speak to her doctor. They can have a psychologist see her and evaluate her and perhaps order a medication and counsel her. If she's going to be there the rest of her life, then its imperative that she get adjusted and it sounds like she is having psychological problems doing that.
If your mother really wanted to help her sister, she would be doing these things herself. Depression in a nursing home will shorten someones life. Tell your mother that she is helping to keep your aunt in misery by not getting her the professional help she needs, and that is not you. One of the best things you can do to a manipulative person is give it right back to them. Good luck, and do what's best for you. You don't need anyone's permission.
2007-11-05 00:32:41 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's great that you were going every day but your friends are right. You have to set boundaries. If your health is being affected by going to visit your aunt every day, don't go every day. Whether or not your aunt gets pneumonia has nothing to do with how many times you visit.
If possible, maybe you can coordinate various family members to take turns each going on a specific day. That way your aunt has company every day and family members are able to do what they need to do for themselves as well. Never let someone else guilt you into doing something you don't want to do.
2007-11-05 00:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel it really works approximately as good as telling a few football mother that she must quit using her SUV or mini-van due to the fact that they use extra fuel than a smaller vehicle. People will do what they wish to do. What I love to do is teach. To the 2 examples you provide my responses are: I've tried to make operating puppies out of refuge animals, it's useless, unwieldy and the outcome are unpredictable. A refuge puppy does now not swimsuit my demands. The man or woman dependable for the loss of life of the puppy in a refuge is the breeder of that puppy as good as the landlord who was once irresponsible. Dogs who come from mother and father whose lineage includes a couple of generations of well being confirmed Champions are much less more likely to have well being problems than people who have now not. Furthermore, a puppy from a Champion history will most likely have a miles larger warranty if a few inherited dilemma plants up.
2016-09-05 10:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by sword 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should have packed more bags for your guilt trip. She has caregivers and your mother might want to stop pressuring you before you end up with clinical depression. You cannot help anyone else if you are not taking care of yourself. Take a stand for yourself before you yourself become too ill. Who will help you then?
2007-11-05 00:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by bjstree 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's either you or her. I hate when people try guilt trip me.
It pisses me off .. let it pissyou off, you'll care less, get angry ( let off some steam.), feel fine.
It would be rather piss-boring being in there, does your mom visit her daily? -no?
once or twice or three times a week.
If you get stuck in there for 3-6 hours each time, cut it down even less.
2007-11-05 00:22:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋