Wedding night and sign language funny ?

Question

The Wedding Night Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred’s parent’s home for their first night
together. In the morning Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets
up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school,
he asks his Mum if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mum replies, "I don't want to hear what
you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his Mum, "Are
Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mum replies, "Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are
Fred and Mary up yet?" His Mum says, "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mum replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave
him my airplane glue."


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Sign Language

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage,
they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom
when they turn the lights off because they can't see
each other using sign language. After several nights of
fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides
to find a solution. "Honey, " she signs, "Why
don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance,
at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze
my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex,
reach over and squeeze my left breast one time." The
husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his
wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with
me, reach over and pull on pe*is one time." "If
you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my
pe*is....fifty times."

Answer 1

Wonderful!

You got me and my husband choking with laughter, tears rolling down my face, haven't laughed so much for ages!!!

Cheers, have a star!!! *

Answer 2

10/10

Answer 3

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.

Answer 4

Funny! 10!

Answer 5

Ha hahahahahaha very good. Anyone know a remedy for rsi?

Answer 6

lol,lol,lol, 10/10,* x 2.
The first one made my laugh soooooooo much.
Excellent, brilliant,fantastic,thanks for that great laugh.

Answer 7

Absolute rib crackers!!

Answer 8

Nice ones.
Thanks for sharing, I must say they are very funny!

Answer 9

ha ha ha funny
thank for a laugh
10/10

Answer 10

thats funny