Other children being nasty to your child?

Question

I go to a mums and tot's group and my daughter 19 months is quiet and never snatches toys she lets other snach off her and the other day an older child was being nasty to her i kept going to my daughter and giving her somthing else to play with etc and moved my daughter just before the girl tried to pinch her .The mother of the other girl was not watching at all.What woul you have done i could not say anything to the girl as she's not mine but i don't like my baby being pushed about and being walked over i don't want her to grow up letting other push her about but don't want her to be a nasty grabing child any ideas thanks

I don't want her to be nasty or hit anyone i want a non violent solution thanks x

Answer 1

she is to younge at the moment for you to teach her how to stand her ground (through words not actions) but you should make the mother of the child aware of her daughters behaviour if it continues cos if she wasnt looking she wouldnt know what was going on. be cautious when doing this..noone likes to hear their child being critised! most importanty of all feel blessed that you have a wonderful daughter whos kind and polite and not a nightmare of a bully like that other child!

Answer 2

Hi some kids can be really horrible cant they? My daughter was like yours at that age. If you see the other girl snatching a toy, just very politely say to her 'hi can you give (your child's name) back the toy please she was playing with that' You are being polite, calm and unthreatening so if the mother notices you (which she porbably wont by the sound of it), she cant accuse you of anything. I did and the child is usually so surpised they have been caught snatching that they give it back. If they dont give it back dont push the issue, just say to your daughter 'come on lets go and play with ........' As annoying as it is, this is quite normal for children and it is all part of learning. You are doing the right thing by moving your daughter. If the girl does pinch your daughter, you could approach the mother and just say 'excuse me but your daughter just pinched my daughter' If she is any kind of mother she will apologise and speak to her child about it (however if she isnt even watching her child then I wouldnt bank on it!!) Whatever happens, your daughter is learning valuable lessons all the time, so dealing with it in the appropriate manner is crucial, for later on in life. Just remember she probably wont remember the incident anyway.

Answer 3

This is a tough situation.... I have 2 young toddlers ages 3 and 1 yr. and they are both very well behaved and they rarely push/fight. However, it seems no matter when/where we go to playground there's always one kid that LOVES to pick on my older child. While I want my son to protect himself I don't want him hitting,biting,pinching etc.. other people's children. So, I tell my son to yell if need be- "Stop doing that to me!" most of the time it works and it gets the attention of other mommies. Also, I've taught him to go elsewhere if some other child is picking on him. I watch my children like a hawk at the playground and if my child were to hit, push, another child he knows that he would have to apologize and that we would go home. So, he doesn't do that.. Other parents should teach the same or at least watch their children.

Answer 4

My first reaction would be to say to the other child that she needs to share, it is not OK to pinch etc. Yes, she is not your child, but when you're in a group of kids, all of the moms are thrown into the role of "mom to all," especially if one of the moms is too busy socializing to watch her child as closely as the child needs. Most likely, the mother just got caught up in a conversation and would be humiliated that her child was bullying another child. So, as others have said, I would bring it up to her too if the behavior continues.

I have a friend whose child is two years older and tends to bully my son. If her mom doesn't see it, I say something to the child, which usually stops her dead in her tracks. It stands out for a child when he/she is "scolded" by someone other than his/her parent.

If, after all that, the behavior continues, certainly try to keep your daughter away from that child as much as possible.

Good luck.

Answer 5

My girl sounds like yours, at home she's strong willed but when i visit my friends & their babies she becomes a shrinking violet. Shes happy to play nicely & share & is quite delicate even though shes an only child.The other babies ( girls also) snatch toys off her & go to hit her.One day i turned my back for one second & my baby cried, when i looked to see what happened she was backed against the wall by the other baby who was pinching her arm. Like you i whisked in to protect her but didn't know what to do about my friends baby, its not my place to discipline & as they are babies i didn't want to cause a commotion so i just kept a close on her. Which is all i think you can do until she's older.
She sounds like a lovely little girl & you are teaching her the right way to behave, keep on how you are & she'll learn to not associate with rough kids like that because she's above them.

Answer 6

That is a huge problem. Other parents do not do their job. You are doing your job. When she gets a little older sign her up in a martial arts program. It will give her discipline and the tools to defend herself. It gives them a sense of self worth.

Keep beeing a mother to her, at some point she will have to fight her own wars, but for now be a mother. At some point she needs to be told the proper way of doing some things. For instance if some child grabbed her behind you should teach her to say in a lowd voice "do not touch my behind, that isn't your's to touch". Generally it will embarass the other child and they won't do it again. It will also let people around her (a teacher) that their might be a problem with the other child.

We have to teach our kids to use their voice. Words are powerful. We can't always be theri for them. But, we can be the best parents for them. You see what parentless children are like, make sure you are a parent for yours...

Answer 7

The only thing I can really surgest is you talking to who ever runs the group. There should be rules - keeping an eye on your child, making sure they are shairing with others etc. This person should be able to remind other parents of the rules discreatly with out causing too much of a fuss.

Answer 8

if it was me,i would've said something to the child's mother.She should've been keeping an eye on her anyway if she's been known to get rough with other kids.As your daughter is only 19 months old you cant really tell her to stand up for herself,she would'nt really understand what to do.I agree with you when you said you could'nt tell the other child off,i would'nt tell anyone else's child off as that's their job plus i would'nt want the other child's parent having a go at me.Explain to the girl's mother that you think her child is being a bit too rough with your daughter and that she keeps snatching her toys away from her,im sure she'll understand and will keep an eye on her in future.

Answer 9

Well, at these ages it's up to us to run interference for them.

You did the right thing, just move them away from the child that is being too aggressive.

When your daughter is older you can teach her ways to communicate her needs to the other children and ways to cope with conflict.

Answer 10

All three of mine were constantly being pushed, hit, ect...All you can do, without causing a scene, is to continue to remove you child from the situation. If the others see you get up enough times to protect your child, they might get the message.