Looking people in the eyes?

Question

Most people assume that people who don't look you directly in the eye are dishonest. I don't agree. I believe it is usually due to a lack of confidence and/or trust, and not that they are necessarily dishonest.

Most salesmen, politicians and lawyers for example are confident people and will lie to you without hesitation while maintaining eye contact and a smile.

I think the common perception about eye contact is quite wrong and perhaps damaging to shy or timid people and would like your insight.

I am told that in Japan it is considered rude to make eye contact, and that people generally don't. Not sure whether this is true or not.

Please comment I am interested in others thoughts on this.

Lloyd

Answer 1

Eye contact is important to say "You are important enough for me to focus all my attention on you".
However, it is a fine balance between too much eye contact and too little. You must look at the person in the eye so they see you give them your attention but you should not look in a too inquisitive manner because it is then considered "staring" and you start to wonder one the person is looking in such an "insisting" way.

Not looking at people in the eyes indicates to people that the person is indeed shy and timid, which is not considered a positive attribute for a lot of things: the future employer won't take a shy and timid person, while a screaming principal will love the submission shown by the shy student that won't look at him provocatively.

Answer 2

When someone avoids eye contact, it doesnt automatically mean they're dishonest. I agree that it shows a lack of confidence, and being shy. In some countries, avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect.

Answer 3

you make a good point,yes im sure due to shyness,and timidity some people are afraid to initiate,or maintain eye contact,but i was always taught growing up to look someone directly in the eye,it just seems to be the polite and honest thing to do.i would instinctively mistrust someone who refused to keep eye contact,perhaps its just a personal preferance.

Answer 4

Although that is how i was raised to view people, those who avoid eye contact with you, are not to be trusted, which is rather silly really. You are correct I no longer consider it rude. There are a lot of people that are extremely shy and eye contact is so confronting for them. We all seriously need to change our ways of thinking. Who invented that observation anyway????....:-)

Answer 5

In Western culture it is very important to make eye contact. You dont have to gaze into their eyes the whole time though, that can make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Answer 6

I always make eye contact with the person I am talking to.

Answer 7

Yes, it depends on the culture. In Muslim societies, it is considered disrespectful to a woman to look her in the eyes or even deliberately gaze at her face. And Muslim women would also try not to gaze at a man, even while she is talking to him, out of modesty as well.

Answer 8

I think your right. Most people who dont make eye contact that I know are very shy and somwhat humble people. I think in Japan, Its disrespect for certian people to make eye contact, exp. like a servant or geisha. or I hate to say it but a woman to make eye contact to a man . (its just their culture i think).

Answer 9

I tend to not look people in the eye sometimes I am very shy and I get embarrased easily. I know it is something I need to work on.

Answer 10

In some countries it is considered disrespectful to look people in the eye but in European cultures it is always considered honest to look people in the eye when speaking.