is moving in with him a good idea?

Question

My boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship right now he lives about 3hrs away...he wants me to move up there but im in college right now and have already made the mistake before...i dont know how to tell him that i need to do what i need to do before i can move. it has been getting harder and harder every week and we have been arguing more often. i really love him but just want him to back off a little. I lived with a previous boyfriend before and things didnt work out and i quit school. then moved back home...im back in school and dont have to pay rent or many bills.....help please

Answer 1

It's so great to hear that you have learned from your past mistakes and don't want to repeat them. It is also great to hear that you appear to have a good head on your shoulders and are self aware enough to know that you need to be complete first before you can be there for someone else. Finishing college before making the move is the best decision you can make! This is not about him, it is about you. By moving in with him, you will be giving up school (at least the one you're currently attending) and he will automatically have one up on you because you will be in his home, his town, etc. I'm not telling you this man is a creep, because chances are he isn't, but I do think he is being a bit selfish and not taking into consideration your long term goals. You don't know how to tell him what you want for yourself? You sound like you have the right words in mind. Distance shouldn't make you argue; if anything it should bring you closer together. It would seem the only arguments are stemming from the fact that you won't give him what he wants, and that just isn't fair. Stick to your guns, and proceed with caution. If this is love, it will be there after school. Good luck to you! :)

Answer 2

I guess i can understand why he wants you guys to move in because you are so far away from each other, but it might not be the right time right now. At least in your perspective. Is your school far away from the place you would move up to? If not, it might be good to move in sooner or later to test out the waters and see if you guys can live with each other because I've known some couples to break up after discovering each other's habits. Besides that, I think all that you can do is to explain it to him and let him know that eventually you will..its just that it's not the right time because there is so much going on for now. If you explain it to him, I think he should understand. If not, then he obviously is being selfish and doesn't care enough to consider your situation. Suggest future plans! Sooo just let him know exactly how you feel! Without communication, it won't work. :) good luck and hope i helped a little?

Answer 3

Don't make the same mistake again, you will be sorry. I am 45 years old and planning to go back to college. I quit school many years ago, because I got married. I deeply regret quitting school. I kept telling myself that I will go back to school while being married, but things didn't happen the way I wanted them to be. I had to stay home with my kids to take care of them. My husband was selfish, never helped with anything, had lots of fun by himself all the time, while all the problems were on my shoulders. He was abusive and violent too. Then he decided to leave. I have never worked outside of home and feel terrible that I don't have any work experience. It is hard for me to go back to college at this age, but I have to. I have to earn a decent salary.

Try to learn to stand on your own two feet and don't rely on anybody. If he doesn't respect your decision, and is putting pressure on you to move in with him and doesn't care about your education, then he is a selfish person. You will be better off without him. Don't quit school, no matter what. Take it from someone who has been there.

Answer 4

I am currently living with my boyfriend (we've been together for four years) for the fact that we both love each other alot and wanted to make the living situation easier because we are going to school. However, living together is a huge step in any relationship and things can get very complicated very easily when you are just dating and not married. When you are married or engaged you are more "commited" to not walk out on your partner. So in your case, I would honestly recommend you guys living close to each other, if you really want to be with him and think its worth moving up there then go ahead, but live separatetly. If you guys are arguing because of this imagine how it would be when you have other problems when you move in together. I know my boyfriend and I constantly argued the first few months and we got on each others nerves quickly and we lost some of the spark. So do yourself a favor:
Figure out what you really want to do with your life /career and see if its really worth moving up there near him. Don't quit school and don't ever give up your life for a man, learn from your mistakes, do some soul searching and figure out what you truly want. Also, don't be afraid to tell him what you want and feel. If he's a good guy he'll respect your decision, otherwise if he doesn't understand and pressures you then sorry to say but he's not worth it. Good luck.

Answer 5

Stay in school... you need your degree. I can not stress this enough. It will make a huge difference in your earning power.

You always want to be able to make it on your own whether you have a boyfriend, parents, or not. Not just get by, but be confortable.

So I vote no, stay at home where you can afford to stay in school. Your parents are being very generous to let you stay rent free and go to school since you already quit once.

Answer 6

ALWAYS put your education before your relationship. ALWAYS.

I was in your situation not too long ago (3 hour distance.) Trust me, if he really loves you, he'll want you to do what is best for your future and well-being (stay where you are and live rent free.)

Also, living together before you're married is never a good idea as it puts no pressure on him to fish or cut bait.

My verdict is, stay where you are and let him prove his devotion by remaining faithful in difficult times...your education is always the top priority.

Answer 7

Forget it, he sounds like a controlling jerk, you are in a sweet spot, no rent and getting an education but he wants you to give all that up for him.
He isn't offering marriage but even if he was you aren't ready. Tell him to move to your town if he wants to see you more often. Don't live with him until and unless you are at least engaged unless you intend to stay single. I have lived with two men, I married the first but might not have given into his pressure if I hadn't lived with him. Now I have lived with a man for 21 year and refuse to marry him.
You are in control of you don't give it up.

Answer 8

Stick with going to school. If you guys are fighting now, it won't get better if you move in. Learn from your past mistakes and try not to repeat them., Good luck

Answer 9

sounds like u are better off without him. sorry to say, but maybe u should take a "break" from each other, and in 6 months, examine whether or not u guys should stay together, THEN make the move if it seems good.

Answer 10

Tell him exactly what you said here " i need to do what i need to do before i can move. "
If he can't understand or gets angry that's too bad - If he really loves you, he will understand and not force the issue.