We discovered today that my partner's ex has relapsed into hard drug use (heroin and coke, that we know of). Her "week" is supposed to start tomorrow. We do not plan to let her pick him up. We contacted child services. They said they would not take a report, since the child is with us and safe, not in her care. We are keeping him home from school tomorrow, since we are worried she might try to leave the country with him. But we can't keep him home forever. How do we get child services to look into this, without turning him over to her? What do we do now?
2007-11-04 14:48:04 · 8 answers · asked by Priscilla B 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
There has never been an official custody agreement. They were never married. They have only ahd a verbal agreement to have joint custody, 50/50.
We called the police and we're told, because of that, we are not obligated to let her have him back. My fear is, however, that that means if she gets ahold of him (say, takes him from school) we won't be able to get him back until child services takes however long they choose, or we take her to court.
2007-11-04 15:09:06 · update #1
You have to go to court and get an emergency hearing to keep the child away from her. If you have papers laying out custody and visitation, if you keep the child when it is "her week", you would be in violation of the courts orders. So first thing tomorrow, since child protective services is not being of much help, get in touch with the clerk of the judge and request a hearing asap to suspend her visitation rights and have her undergo drug testing. Explain that child services won't help and you do not want to endanger the child so they can then file a report.
Edit: Since you don't have a formal agreement, go to court to establish one. This can be done even though they were never married. Verbal is all well and good but since drugs are now involved on her part, you need to get something formal in place in the best interests of the child. I know lawyers are expensive but you should have some form of legal aid in your county and they can help you get the ball rolling by guiding you as to what forms to file with the court and get an agreement in place where she can possible have visitation but is has to be supervised in a neutral setting and that she undergoes random drug testing. Doing this might be the wake up call she needs to get her act together and if not, it might make her realize she is not be the best person to be around him right now.
Good luck to you both and as a mother I must say thanks for stepping up to be there for this child, he will appreciate it.
2007-11-04 14:58:17 · answer #1 · answered by thequeenreigns 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First thing Monday, contact an attorney and have him file a motion for an ex-parte hearing. This means the other party does not need to be served notice or be present for the hearing. The attorney should be able to get you in front of a judge within the week.
Second, go to the school with your child and check with the office about who is allowed to pick up the child. If your ex is on the list, then you either need to stay with your kid while he's in school or hire him a bodyguard. I had to do the latter.
Make sure you notify your attorney that part of the order you want the judge to issue is that the school cannot release the child to your ex. The school must follow the court order.
Until custody is decided, the ex-parte motions will stand. This does set the course of action for futher custody hearings. But, at least it will be under court guidance, so that the court can make your ex jump through hoops in order to earn the right of visitation.
CPS: They are correct that they cannot do anything until you give the child to your ex. CPS isn't appropriate for your case unless you were to discover the drug use while the child was in the ex's immediate care.
2007-11-04 16:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by Zeltar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the court/system you used to establish custody in the first place. A drug test must be done immediately. As terrible as this sounds, not letting your stepson go with his mother could be considered refusal of court given visitation rights, and could cause trouble for your partner. Contact Family court/custody immediately and get this on record. That way, if anything comes out later, she can't pin it back on you. They may also be able to do an emergency stop on visitations until a drug test is complete. If she has a record of using drugs in the past (police report, etc.) be sure to bring this up, as it helps to validate your case.
Child Services are really terrible. You are much better off dealing directly with the court and custody judge.
I don't know about your state, but I worked at a preschool here in Ohio, and we could NOT stop a parent (even if he/she didn't have custody) from taking a child out of school, unless there was a specific court order signed by a judge. (Not just a visitation agreement, but an actual restraining order).
Finally, as an added measure of security, consider buying your stepson one of those watches that has a GPS positioning chip inside. And explain to him not to talk it off. Depending on his age, tell him that you don't want him to go with his mother, unless his father or you drive him to her house. Also, if he is old enough, consider getting him a cell phone that he can keep on him, in case she tries anything. You can even get simple cell phones for young children with emergency and home numbers pre-set in the phone.
2007-11-04 15:05:36 · answer #3 · answered by trustnoonekmc 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult question. CPS does not consider drug use reportable unless there is neglect or abuse of the child occurring.
I suggest you contact an attorney well versed in child and family law to ask his/her suggestions and also try to get your partner's son a GAL-Guardian Ad Litem, which is an attorney on his behalf.
Good luck.
2007-11-04 15:21:58 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyes 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I did the same thing except my ex-wife and her boyfriend were both caught with drugs and now have warrants out for them. I now have full custody of my kids. Most important thing is you are going to have to prove everything you say. You cannot get some ones medical records with out them approving. ask for a drug test. My ex-wife told the judge that if he gave her 2 weeks then she could be clean.
2007-11-04 15:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by Bones 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
File for emergency costudy. As soon as you have that paper signed by a judge take it to school and show them. Also be as truthfull as possible. You are looking out for child's best interest. Also ask she go for drug testing and if positive straight into rehab with periodic testing.
2007-11-04 14:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by littledueceb 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what was said about about judicial issues. However, it is crucial that your son continues to attend school. I know that its just one day, but I would contact the office administration and let them know of the situation. What I would do is speak with his teacher, school advisors, and try to establish a pick-up care system where he will stay until you pick him up or ask for an escort to the bus. explain your situation and i know that they will gladly accommodate you for the safety of your stepson. i had similar issues with my son and i requested the daycare to ONLY have me and my mother and father pickup/drop off my son. i showed them pictures of my parents, left contact numbers, made a written statement, and had the staff aware that i or my parents were to be the only ones to pickup my son. it has worked successfully.
2007-11-04 15:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by isaiah`s mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't you wait until she comes to get him, and then demand a drug test if she wants to take him? I thought I was told at one time that would be an option......hmmmm.
This is tricky- best of luck to all of you.
2007-11-05 07:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by The Grand Inquisitor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋