Moms, Please tell me I'm not crazy...?

Question

Okay, I feel like I am going insane. Ever since my daughter was born (6 1/2 months old) I have been dealing with this. I always see these awful things happening to her. Like I will be carrying her and imagine that I accidentally drop her or similar things to that. It seems like every situation I am in, I see all these bad things that could go wrong.

Sometimes I imagine that things happen to me and she will be left alone and crying in the house until her father comes home from work.

Its NOT that I feel like I want these things to happen or I feel like I want to hurt her. It is more of a fear. But I just cant stop thinking it. I imagine these things very vividly. And it is just nauseating sometimes. It is horrible.

But is it normal? Do all Moms go through this? Or is this something that I need to seek help about? I am truly afraid though that if I go to someone they will think I am going to hurt her or myself. And they will try to take her.

Please tell me what I can do

Answer 1

My kids are almost not kids anymore (the oldest is 17) and I am STILL doing this, envisioning the worst that could happen. It's almost like a combination of rehearsing what you'd do if it really happened (ie how fast can I respond, what should I do, etc) and preparing oneself for the worst.

Through most of history people had to have like 10 kids to see one or two live to adulthood, I think it's a species ingrained defensive mechanism to mentally/emotionally prepare for such losses.

Answer 2

I went through that same thing and I sometimes still do think like that. I often had dreams, especially when I was pregnant, that something awful was going to happen to me and the baby. I think it is a fear that most women go through. I never felt like I wanted to hurt my baby either. My son is 10 months old and I still have thoughts, just like you, that something bad will happen to him. The thoughts are getting better now that I am confident that I try to look out for him the best that I can. As a mother, that is all we can do. Mother's are human too, nobody said that we have to be perfect. I hope this helps :)

Answer 3

I think this is completely normal... after my daughter was born, I had this HORRIBLE fear of SIDS... I had a dream once she died and I could see her funeral and graveside... and I couldnt leave her. I layed on top of her grave because I couldnt leave my baby there alone... just crazy horrible horrible nightmare... that still haunts me. We just moved into a new house and I cant sleep at night. I just KNOW that a fire is going to start and the smoke alarm isnt going to go off and I wont be able to get to her in time or someone is going to break in and steal her if I am not awake to stop them... and she is 2 years old now!!! Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind too... but I guess this is just part of being a mother. You will always fear the worst for your child and you fear them being in ANY kind of pain... in my opinion, that just means you are a GOOD mommy!

Answer 4

Talk to your doctor, and ask if you might be experiencing some postpartum depression. It is extremely common and very treatable. Lots of women go through it, and they're not going to take your daughter away from you (you're not harming her and you're not thinking of harming her ... even if you were, it would still be treatable, and it would be all the more critical that you seek help). You will be a better mom when you take care of yourself and aren't overwhelmed by these scary feelings ... any vivid imaginings that are so real to you they are nauseating are a sign to get help. Hang in there, you're not crazy and you're not a bad mom ... your body just went through some serious changes and if a little medical help can help restore balance, it's worth checking out.

Answer 5

It's kind of terrifying actually, I have had the same thing happen to me, my son is 11 months old. It doesn't happen as much now, but I have the same, AWFUL, and I mean so bad I never tell anyone, things go through my head of accidents befalling my son... Like "OMG WHAT IF??"

I don't know if it's "normal" or not but I certainly do experience the same thing. It really is nauseating and quite disturbing, is it like visions that come out of nowhere? And so realistic... Well I will be watching this question, I'd like to see what kind of response you get, as I have wondered this myself before.

And same as you, I would NEVER wish any of these things happen, and I think it was fear manifesting itself, like in our dreams, but in our waking hours.

Now I just remembered... I did say something to his pediatrician as well as my midwife when he was 6 weeks old... I asked if it was "normal to have these mental pictures of bad things happening" and they both said "Yes"! Of course I didn't specify just HOW bad it was... but perhaps it's like that for more moms?

I suppose if it's interfering with your life, like you feel afraid to actually do stuff, like pick up your baby or anything, then that's when it crosses the line from "just in your head" to "ok this is serious" however I am not qualified to actually draw that line, you might be best to speak with a trusted someone who might be able to help better. Post Partum Depression can strike any time in the first year, I believe.

Well like I said, for me it gradually got less severe. It's still there but I kind of learned to shut it off. Like tell myself "NO, that's not going to happen" or literally just hold him and close my eyes and recenter. This is what I did and it helps me still.

Answer 6

You are not alone. My husband often thinks that I need to get my head checked. I lost a baby to still birth twelve years ago and so until I read your question I thought that I was just paranoid.

The worst ever was when I went with my family to a baseball game and we were in the front row of the mezzanine. Dear Me I had to leave the stands as we were at the rail and all I could think was down goes baby. It still gives me the creeps to remember that game.

Answer 7

From the sounds of it, I think you should mention this to your OB. Noone is going to take your child away from you. You haven't done anything wrong. It's probably still your hormones being out of whack. Maybe talking to someone or taking some sort of med (temporarily) will help you come to terms with everything. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother, but what you're thinking isn't normal. Some thoughts maybe, but obsessing about it, no. Good luck to you with whatever you decide. Just remember, you are a good mom no matter what.

Answer 8

Mine are 2 & 3, and still going thru this. Plus the 2 year old took a slight tumble down the stairs today and I kept imagining worse things happening, and frettin over it.

Baby proof as good as you can, but also let them learn whats dangerous. Like those stupid crawling helmets and knee pads. I think its actually good, to get some minor scapes to know not to do things, like stand up fast under a table.

Answer 9

This is so normal.. when my first son was born I was like that..
Do you ever hear on the news about a parent that would forget their child in the car and go to work for 8 hours or leave a kid in the car and go shopping? I was worried that I would be one of those parents.. It was so scary at first but DONT WORRY everything will be fine :)

Answer 10

What you just described is normal and usually happens a little to first time moms.
Imagination is a powerful thing and you can let it run wild and make yourself sick.
When you think those thoughts ..STOP... do not entertain them and do not thrive on them and they will go away.
Say a prayer and ask God to watch over your daughter and then have some faith in Him to do so.
You are normal but if you keep allowing yourself to think like this you'll drive yourself nuts. Be the master of your mind not a slave to it.