Are your parents kind to you? Are they there for you when you need them?

Question

My parents, particularly my mom has done so much to hurt me, and I know she doesn't care. She lies, she's insensitive, she's demeaning and she really doesn't even care how much she hurts me. I'm hoping that someone can relate or at least that someone out there has parents that are there for them. I don't really know what to do. How can it be that the people that are supposed to be the ones I can depend on would stab me in the back. What do I do?

Answer 1

Hi,
You sound down and really unsupported it is hard for you and it will come out in anger (I have four children aged 14, 16, 19, and 22) they went through bad patches with me but i was always there for them no matter what-but i did have strong parenting rules with them.

Have you a favourite aunt/cousin/uncle you could tell how you are feeling- is your dad around? I do really feel you need to get this off you shoulders and out-of -your-system, but you can't do it alone-it is tough!

can you talk to connexions most schools have a connections worker who are so confidential-no other kids at school need to know anything unless you want to tel them and the connexions worker will under no circumstances tell your parent/s!!
you don't say how old you are or where you are from- some areas have differnt things in schools but Ipromise you that is a good start.
Actually I think you have made the BEST START EVER BY ASKING FOR HELP!!! WELL DONE YOU!!!

I was a teacher for 14yrs until 2 years ago whebn my disability got worse and I had to give up work. ARE THERE ANY MALE/FEMALE TEACHING ASSISTANTS YOU THINK YOU WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING TOO? ALSO childline are good it's not all about abuse with childline they will listen to you confidentially and help you. If you want to chat i can give you my personal email let me know

PLEASE LET SOMEONE KNOW IF YOU DO WANT TO TALK WITH ME GIVE THEM MY EMAIL TOO SO THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING WITH AT ALL TIMES A SAFETY THING YOU KNOW!! ICAN GIVE YOU MY TEL NUMBER AND YOU GIVE IT TO THEM TOO I CAN GET AL THE NUMBERS YOU NEED HEY YOU COULD PROBABLY CHAT WITH ONE OF MY LADS THEY'LLPROBABLY TELL YOU IAM THESAME AS YOUR MUM!
we all go through stages where we think the world is against us and when things with parents go wrong sometimes yourmum may have problems that you do not know about and she actually we are all guilty of taking things out on those who are closest to us and we love, maybe your mum is under stress and you being in need of help too is causing sparks at the moment. I suspect you tend to keep yourself to yourself at school and maybe don't confide in anyone.

My son was bullied through all of his primary and secondary scholing and he had no frinds he still has only 1 or 2 and they are his cousins. he is insecure and does talk with me we areall open-but we still do row!!
you say your mum is demanding do you have younger brothers/sisters are there pressures at home that you feel should not be there.

PLEASE ASK TO TALK TO THE CONNEXIONS OFFICER @ SCHOOL THEY DEAL WITH , WORK, LESSONS, BULLYING,EXTRA HELP WITH WORK, AFTER SCHOOL CLUBS AND PERSONAL THINGS TOO.

If you want my email address I will post it on this forum and also my tel number maybe you could chat with my sons-but remember childline are cool there are people all around you who will listen but you need to ask, try a friends mum, or an aunt, nephew, neice if you can't please email me and Iwill get you the numbers where you can talk hey will help you. please keep in touch and remember these lines are 24hrs seven days aweek,
you are obviously having trouble sleeping a trip to your dr may help you as you feel to come across very low-you are not alone as a teacher I know this and all the people i have told you about listen every day to hundreds of kids and help them I promise there is light at he end, and maybe mum has afew problems that you don't know about.

you can email me direct [e-mail] or you can call me on 07775768435 and i will call you back.

BUT PLEASE TELL SOMEONE YOU ARE EMAILING/CALLING ME EVEN A BROTHER, SISTER, FRIEND, TEACHER AND GIVE THEM MY DETAILS YOU CAN TELL YOUR MUM YOU'VE BEEN CHATTING TO ME ABOUT MY KIDS AND SHE MAY CALL ME EVEN IF OUT OF CONCERN TO SEE WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO!


I AM POSTING THESE DETAILS FOR OBVIOUS REASONS TO OTHER READERS AND WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE NO CRANK CALLS-THANK YOU VERY MUCH.


( I have 4 brothers & four sisters 9 of us altogether and I was always the black sheep)The 1 that did everything wrong yet i was working and bringing inmoney but it was never ever recognised and i felt ganged up on! I know how you feel

My name is Terrie short for Theresa and please let me know how you get on.

thinking of you
love

Terrie

Answer 2

That's so sad babe! I'm so sorry! I wish I could say I knew where you were coming from...but my mom rocks. A lot of it has to do with how she was brought up. It's very possible that she was brought up with parents or parent that was unloving and demanding, and didn't care...and she is just a product of her enviroment. Reguardless, she really has no right to treat you the way she is... That's a shame! When I was younger, like 16/17 years old...I use to think that my mom didn't care...she was always out to ruin everything and anything I had going on in my life...and as I got older I realized she was being a parent and now I think she is the most wonderful person that walked the face of the earth! I don't know how old you are but do you think it's possible that's what your going through? If not, does she know how you feel? Do you think if you talked to her she would truely listen? Do you have other family you can talk to...or perhaps someone important in your life? You need to get the way you feel about your mom off your chest so it's not eating away at you. I wish I had something more insightful to say...I'm really sorry love!

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear this. I have two baby sons and I can't imagine one of them describing me this way! Parents, especially mothers are supposed to be there to comfort you. I don't know how any mother wouldn't want to be this way, but obviously it happens and she was probably wounded in her own childhood.

So sometimes the people who are supposed to be something, aren't. It's an awful fact. I hope you have a supportive nucleus of friends and maybe an older sibling or find a mentor to make up for what you are lacking.

Whatever happens, if you have children someday, you can break the chain and make sure that the family tradition doesn't get passed on.

Answer 4

Hey man. I Feel ya. I really do. I've started writing a book about parenting, so other moms would not treat their kids like how they do to you. I know of many people who are in the same situation.

The question is, do you want her to love you? OR Do you want to get out of her life and start your life anew.

Yes people can relate to you, but it wouldnt help much, though a listening ear could unwind you and get your head clearer.

What i suggest is, You tell your mom how you feel exactly face to face, alone. Only both of you. Pour out everything. If that doesn't change, I dont think anything else would.

Answer 5

Have you talked to your mum? Told her how you feel?

I'm sorry, I don't have much experience in this sort of thing; my mum and dad are most certainly there for me; they always put me first, then themselves. But yeah, we do get into fights sometimes cause we're all just human, so when that happens I try to talk it out with them. Which isn't easy for me because one of the presents I got on my thirteenth birthday was an unwanted snotty attitude, and an incredibly argumentative streak. but sometime just talking really can help. I hope this helps a little!

Blessed be.

Answer 6

hey sweetheart
do you know how how you have troubled her wen you were a kid how many times you have killed her by your harsh word that time she did not tell to anyone. i no you are hurted very badly because even i was hurted more than you may be more than anyone but today i am the most happiest one in the world .let her stab but you take it with a smile dont let her feel that you are angry with her .and very soon she will start loving you more than you have ever expected one more thing wen you feel more hurted by her you can call me on 9322617670 and talk to me .I and you can make her the best mother as you always wanted ok my dear bro.
love
preety

Answer 7

My parents are kind to me and they are mainly there when I need them, but they also correct me when I'm wrong and they let me know what they stand for. Even though, my parents are not like yours, I would encourage you to talk to them about it. There is no reason to for you to feel this way about your parents and there is no reason for them to treat you this way. Ask them if you did anything to for you to deserve this treatment because nine times out of ten, people treat you mean because you've done something to them that would make them be the way they are. But like I said, just talk to them and try to keep the communication line open. The more you communicate with them, the more they will communicate back to you. But make sure to lay everything out on the table, don't hold back or sugarcoat anything and make sure you don't yell or be rude about it . Handle this in the most pleasant way you possibly can.

Answer 8

We are in the same boat. I never loved my mother. I was very close with my dad until he died.That's when my sufferings,sacrifices and pains started.My mother hated me and she never appreciated all the things ive done for her.She plays favorites( for all her sons only) and the worst she did to me was she never considered me as her biological daughter which i found out few years back through my other relatives. Hatred has grown deeper for her and i never even want to think of her.She's not living with me.
I'm sorry , i know this story will not make you feel better but i was just relieved when i read yours, i thought i am alone in this kind of burden i have been carrying since i became conscious of my life up to now.
I hoped and prayed and expected things will get better as she grows older but nothing has changed.

Answer 9

Me and my mom r like frends. I cant tell her that much stuff, but we r frends. I h8 my dad. Most of my memories of him r me hidin from him so he didnt hurt me. I remembr 1 time wen i was 3, i stubbd my toe and i was cryin and my dad cussd me out and threw a can of beans at me with all his might and hit me in the face. At least ur parents dont beat u. Mayb u can talk 2 ur mom, i kno that probly wont work if ur mom is anythin like any othr terrible parent, but it might help a little. Good luck and if u evr need to talk to any1, email me. [e-mail]

Answer 10

There are times that my mom does all of those things...normally when she's really, really mad and trying to make a point. But, otherwise, my mom and dad are always there to back me up no matter what. I know they love me and if anyone got in my way they'd be ready to fight. I've seen both sides, and I know how you feel, but your mom has got a good side too I bet.

Answer 11

That sounds like an abusive relationship. Depending on your age you should seek counciling from an adult you can trust maybee a friends parent to address this problem or simply address it your self, or if you are of age, simply tell your mom that if you cant count her to be there for you when you need her support, then you no longer wish to have a relationship with her.