No rude comments please, but please let me know if you agree with me that it's messed up for my mom to stay with my step-father who molested me.
I'm 24 and recently told my mom what my step-dad did as a child. While she's angry at him, she thought "we should stay with him so he can give a roof over our head. I don't have enough money blah blah" He works out of town right now, but he visits every month and expects me to treat him like a real father. Our family is East Indian, so culturally my mom doesn't know how to be independent and is scared of the world. But by staying marrie him, is she indirectly saying that money and family reputation is more important than what happened to me and my psychological health? My step-dad knows that we need him for money, and he takes advantage of that and verbally abuses my mom for it. My solution is is that I'm going to move out on my own, even though my mom is getting mad at me for it. I will find a way to financially support myself.
2007-11-04 14:22:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mom's education and skills aren't that good.
She works in retail (pays crap), and that's the most she can do. She can't even spell English very well nor does she know how to use a computer.
2007-11-04 14:25:16 · update #1
Yeah I'm seeking therapy which costs money too though haha ;)
I go to grad school full time and do an unpaid internship (it's school training), so I thought maybe I shouldn't work.
But if finding a job is what I need to get out and prove to him that I don't need his money, than so be it!
lots of students work right?
2007-11-04 14:32:48 · update #2
Loreya-Thanks, but I'm not sure if I will have enough to support my mom and my two adult brothers. I was only looking to support myself.
It's a ****** up situation. My two older brothers have no clue about my step-dad molesting me, and they're mooching off of him as well. One brother is disabled and can't work, while the other one is going to school as well. It's sad how he's the primary bread winner.
It's a cultural thing to not leave the house until you're married, so we've all been raised to be dependent on our step-dad and just going to school. But, my heart is telling me I should change this.
2007-11-04 14:42:04 · update #3
That is a horrible situation and I am very sorry it's something you have to deal with.
Honestly, I can see how your mother feels because my grandmother has told me about how her husband (my grandfather) used to beat her, but she stayed because she needed him.
Although I see where they are coming from, I think this is an insane decision. There are ways to get around having little or no money. There are shelters your mother could go to. And I'm sure that you wouldn't abandon her. Tell her this, find info about shelters, and contact people who can help.
If she still refuses, that is her choice as an adult and the only thing you can do is help your mother the best you can, and be there to love her because she desperately needs it.
Good luck. =)
2007-11-04 14:35:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for what happened to you.
And while I do think it's messed up, I'm also trying to think of it from your mom's perspective to find out why she isn't leaving. Sounds like you already have an idea...you say she works at a retail job paying crap, she speaks poor English, and she doesn't have that great of an education. She doesn't really have many options if she wants to leave your step father. Her mininum wage job won't give her much support if she moves out. If you can find a way to support both you and your mom, I'm sure she would gladly move out (unless the culture idea gets in the way). People progress different level of needs; she needs her physical needs of having a home and food before she can move on to other things. So to answer your question, I admit it would be rational for her to stay with your pedophile step-father. Rational, but not moral!
More power to you! Get yourself away from the situtation! You're not obligated to stay with your mom or step-dad. While it's rational for her to stay, you have the power of being young and intelligent and English-speaking. Your mom is mad, but she'll get over it.
2007-11-04 14:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by Loreya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mother can do nothing to change the past why now that your grown up would you mention this to her?i do not con don this .please do not think that this is ok cause it's not . (what your step dad has done is child molesting!) great consequences come with that charge ! and hearing this from you petrifies me , and i'm not mom, i have been molested as a child so i know how you are feeling, i also have been in same situation as your mother, and i ask that you step back for 1 minute and think, .......what will happen if i report this? we know that man will probably take a plea, and in the mean time what about you? what about mom? baby please these are serious charges and lives are at stake . yours,moms and other siblings.we dont consider his.he has violated the trust of a child(you)violated any trust of the marriage its gone and now our mother has become aware of this. she also is a victim of abuse , and now she has the remaining of her life to fiqure out what to do next , dont get angry because she doesn't act in the manner that you want her to. im sure she will do what is in the best interest of the WHOLE family and this includes you she has alot on her plate right now, but being a mom she will handle this with the upmost respect and consideration of your needs and mom will put her needs on the back burner, just give her time she's thinking just how to get that s.o.b. right where she wants him to be before , putting that hangmans noose around his neck, have patience my love, momma will take care of this.and in the mean time you stay safe. and let that man hang himself cause he will. and baby, you continue with school and life and this will make you independent and rely on what you will become and know the past has brought you here, stronger than before and more knowledge that makes for power and you let no one tell you otherwise . be safe
2007-11-04 15:24:49 · answer #3 · answered by b.johne k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not rational. Your mother has apparently chosen her "security" over you.
Get out and stay away. Better to share a flat with several other people than to be abused, even if it means working 2 part-time jobs while putting yourself through college.
Family is often the first set of obstacles that a lot of people have to overcome.
Below is a nice link to a website that offers a FREE manual you can dowload... the actual instruction on the technique starts around page 20. This technique works very well on releasing deep traumas like you have. It will save you money.
The website also has a searchable database of uses for the technique.
2007-11-04 14:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG.....Your mom should leave his sorry no ggod butt. How can you still live there with them? I think by staying with him that she is saying that the material things he provides are more important to her than standing up for you. I would be so hurt if I were you. Please find a way to support yourself and remove yourself from this awful enviroment. I feel so bad for you. You were betrayed by him when he molested you and when you gained the courage to tell your mom it was like you did not matter in her opinion and I bet you felt emotionally raped all over again.. I swear i would live in my car and dig in dumpsters to eat if i found out my husband molested one of my daughters(never happen thank God, I have a good husband...NO, I have an amazing husband)because i would leave him so fast he would not even have time to figure out what was going on around him. I can't imagine how you must be feeling about either of them right now. Here is my advice....You are 24, you need to move out. Get 2 or 3 jobs to support yourself if you have to and then prove to the sorry child molester that you never need him again. If you haven't gotten counseling about this you need to. You can move on from this and you can let go of the pain and anger, but you are gonna need to talk to a person outside of thefamily.
2007-11-04 14:36:02 · answer #5 · answered by whatshername 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for having the courage to face your mother with the truth of your abuse, that must have been very difficult. I also commend you for breaking free and getting away from your abuser. Have you been able to talk to a counseler at all? This might give you valuble information to further your recovery. Your mother on the other hand probably feels very stuck right now and may not be able to see her own way out. If there is any chance of bringing her into a family counseling situation I would try that. This is all very complicated, too complicated to solve here and we shouldnt judge your mother for not being able to see the right path. Good luck in your recovery!
2007-11-04 14:40:08 · answer #6 · answered by ~Just 1 good egg~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is an adult and she makes her own decisions as should you. I left when i was 18 and started out in a crapy apartment. But now i'm 32 and have a home a beautiful little girl, and i'm very happy, but that was my choice. Your an adult as she is and you need to make your mind up for yourself. If she feels that she needs to leave him then that would be her decision. I'm in a little situation with my step dad and i would love to tell her to leave him but their is nothing i can say and don't because that was her decision. I love her to death and i pains me not to say anything but this is what i have to do. Good luck with YOUR decisions.
2007-11-04 14:49:32 · answer #7 · answered by mommiemessie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well she should get rid of him and make him pay support yes its bad shes doing this but what you said is true. she isn't educated and does not know what shes doing. its sad that shes put you through this and nope she should throw him out hes a monster. yes you should have moved long time ago. 24 and you should be ready. if she'd go with you should take her and get your borthers out of their also you can call the police and make ar eport now. its a good idea and name the dates etc. take care.
2007-11-08 14:13:19 · answer #8 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing worse on this earth than a pedophile. If the only thing they got was "psychological castration" they should consider themselves lucky! They mentally castrate these children of there childhood and destroy their futures.
2016-04-02 05:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,but you knew that....Sorry your mom isn't a stronger person,and beyond moving out you should sever all relations with them,your mom should know theres a price for her misplaced loyalty, maybe you can take her with you when you leave?
2007-11-04 14:40:37 · answer #10 · answered by rainedgy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋