should i get married at 20 because i've been with the guy for almost 4 years?

Question

we love eachother very so we justr dont want to be like our parent and spilt up after 16 years but we still been talking about it and we want to do it but just with me in school and working two jobs and him working 16 + a day we dont see eachother as much as we like to even on the weekends i work or he works

Answer 1

Unless he is rich I would have to say No, go to school and become somebody. In the end you will be much happier.

Answer 2

Age doesn't matter. Some people are ready at 18, some people aren't ready at 40. If you think you're ready to be married and you're absolutely sure, then go for it. You shouldn't get married just because you've been with someone for 'x' amount of time though. I dated my boyfriend for five years and just got engaged last week. We're waiting to get married until late 2009; by that time we will both be out of school and have worked a few years. When we get married, I'll almost be 24 and he'll be 26. I started dating him when I was 16. :) I'd love to be married now, I'm just not in a rush and want to see how our relationship changes when we have full-time jobs for awhile before we take the plunge. ;)

Answer 3

No, you shouldn't get married because you've been together 4 years. You should get married if you're going to be together for 44 more, and no other reason. (Sunflower answered similarly)

How well can you communicate with each other?
Have the discussions with him that make a marriage successful. Can you both come up with the same answers for these questions:

Do you want kids? (many or few? How long to wait -please don't have kids at 20 )
Are you OK staying at home with kids, or will you be working? Does he think the same way or do you have diferent attitudes.
What religion will you raise the kids, and how involved?
Money, number one cause for divorce. How do each of you handle money and can you get along. Different styles or money arguments before combined assets of marriage is a bad sign.
Do you talk things through now, or wiat since you never see each other, then fight like crazy because it has built up (you can guess which is the good answer).
Will you expect each other to keep these schedules when you are married, or work less and see each other more; can you afford that? Do you both agree or does he like being gone and you want him home?

Get a book about marriage counseling, or premarital counseling; see a priest (or equivalent) and ask what questions he asks couples to see if their good for each other. Look at books about dealing with marriage problems and talk over how you would prevent those problems. Walk yourselves through these questions about the hard things marriage brings. If you don't have surprises and see eye to eye, talk to your minister and maybe you'll be good. My parents were married at 22 and are perfect after 36 years, my high school buddy didn't last 5 years; age isn't everything. Be sure both of your assumptions and needs are out in the open and you talk about it all.

Oh, and remember that he won't change. Its the same guy and the same relationship. You might teach him to put the toilet seat down, or where to touch you in bed to be a slightly better lover, but if he's got a problem now, he'll have it when you marry him. And the same for you -- if something about you bugs him bad but he thinks you'll change, it had better be something easy like bad breath because people don't change easy. Trust me.

If you can't have these discussions because you avoid them, or you don't agree on even just several of these points, break it off nicely but know that no amount of time will fix it, so you can move on.

Good luck to you both

Answer 4

Well first of all, you shouldn't get married JUST because you've been with someone for x amount of years. You should marry them because you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person.
With that being said, your age is not necessarily the "deciding factor" in this question. You should really consider your financial situation & your reason(s) why you want to get married. Could you two afford to rent/buy a place to live? What about other monthly expenses? Also, why are you wanting to get married now? Is it because of the amount of time you've been together so you feel it's just "time"? Or have you two always planned on getting married & feel you are now ready to start your life together? These are just some questions you should ask yourself & talk to your boyfriend about. As far as age goes, I have personally known many couples who have gotten married young (ages 19, 20, 21) & they are doing great! It all depends on the couple - you have to figure out if you are ready for that committment. But if you have any doubts, I would suggest waiting a bit longer until you are completely sure, you don't want to start your marriage off on the wrong foot.

Answer 5

I say if you feel he is the one and youre ready take the plunge. My bf and I live together now and we moved in pretty quick we have been dating for a year however I knew he was the one. I am 20 yrs old and I had been with someone for four yrs previously and I realized he was just not the one. However, it all depends I have lived on my own since I was 17 I lived with my sister as roomates first and then on my own after that my current bf and I decided to live together after only dating for 3 months and it has worked excellent. We are very much made for one another. However, it just depends on the person. We do work and go to school so were being pretty smart about it. The point is if you feel youre ready and it's what youw ant go for it dont let anyone else pressure you because at the end it's what you want and what makes you happy and in the long run if you made a mistake just learn from it. I am not saying it will be easy because nothing in this world is easy but you will manage.

Answer 6

Don't get married so young. I was 19. We're still going strong but there are times I feel like I missed out on so much. Never get married just because you think the length of time you've been together means that's the next move. You set the time frame, not the length of your relationship.

Answer 7

Hi. It really doesn't matter how long you've been together. It just matters if you BOTH feel that you are mature enough to get married.

My husband and I were both 21 when we married (30 years this year!), but we were very mature. I had been out on my own since 18 providing for myself. My husband had a good job with excellent benefits. You need to think of those things.

Are you both in college right now? I hope so. Perhaps you should wait until you both graduate and get good jobs.

When you marry young you do give up a lot of things. We are very happy, but, like most couples...there have been times!

Good luck with your decision!

Answer 8

no offense but if you are asking this question then you already have doubts. Don't marry someone just because you've been with them for a long time. Not because you are too young, because if it doesn't feel right, there's no point. Ask yourself the question you posted here and see what answer you come up with.

Answer 9

Ok here's the thing. I've been with my man for four years and I'm also twenty. We've been talking about getting married and settling down too. I know he is the right one and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, however, we have decided to wait. Not because we aren't ready but because it's not important to right now. We need to know what it's like to be adults for a while. If you're in love and you live together and know what it's like to rely on eachother then you don't need a piece of paper to prove it. Also, if you want to get married just for the wedding don't do it. I only say this because I know people who do. Good luck and best wishes

Answer 10

I agree with the first answer, take your time , sit back and look at the whole picture.

When I got married I was 23 my bride was 19 , and she would tell you the same thing.

We have talked about this several times and if we had to do it all over again we would wait

Even though we knew each other for a long period of time we were not ready to take such a serious step in our lives such as marriage.

We did as a sign , that we thought we knew more than our parents did boy were we ever wrong , it was a miracle it lasted the first year.

Through out the first year we ended up living at both of our parents homes. Two families under one roof does not work very well.

So wait , love can endure all things but take your time and be ready

Answer 11

That depends on your maturity, and whether you two are financially stable to sustain a marriage. Just because you have been together for 4 years, it doesn't necessarily mean marriage is right. Have you guys talked about it? Have you consulted with your family? How about school or work?