We had planned on eloping- a family member caught wind of it- and asked if we could do dinner with the family after the ceremony to celebrate and include the family (we each have a child and another concern is showing them that family is important). I said I didnt want to offend family thats out of state- she said you send invites to everyone anyway- and the dinner is meant for everyone other than the bride and grrom to pay.
Well- we're talking about November 18th! How will I send invites on such short notice, and how to word inviting them to a celebratory dinner, and not the ceremony (we intend on still keeping that private) also- how is it communicated that the bride and groom are not to pay?
help!!!!!
2007-11-04 10:50:04 · 8 answers · asked by **leigh** 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Well...you have a few options. First, it's never really acceptable to invite people to a dinner, a luncheon, etc. and expect them to pay. Just like you would not invite your friends over for dinner and then as they leave say...."oh, by the way you owe me $10 for the dinner!" An invitation is sent as a gesture and with the understanding that the person extending the invitation is the "host", which usually translates as "the person paying."
That said, I agree with pspoptart. If the FAMILY member suggesting this wants to do the inviting and informing the other family that it's "dutch treat", then OK. But, it should NOT come from you.
A couple options would be:
1. Again, have the family member do the inviting. Since it's only 2 weeks from today, possibly she should CALL people instead of trying to mail something. If it's strictly family, is there someone's home that could be used and possibly have a potluck? I don't usually suggest potlucks, but it can work if it's family.
2. Have your private ceremony, and then celebrate with family and friends with a "dessert reception" with various desserts, punch and coffee. This would be easy to do and would not cost much. Make up some cupcakes, brownies, bars, fruit tray, etc. Again, with such short notice you could CALL people. OR, if you really want to mail invitations, that is fine...but you better do it tomorrow!
3. Have your private ceremony in November and then have a family celebration in early December when more planning can be done. That way you can send out proper invitations, make up a menu, order a cake and have a small celebration!
Good luck with your decision!
2007-11-04 11:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This invitation should not be sent by the bride and groom. In this situation some family member should step up and put their name to this.
What you say is that you are getting married at a small private ceremony but they are invited to come and share the love. There will be a dinner in honor of so and so and it will be at such and such restaurant or whereever it will be held and then say that dinner would be approximately $howmuch a person and you hope they can join you. IF it is family just tell them that everyone is buying their own dinner. Like I said up front though this should be done by someone other than the bride and groom since everyone must pay for their own meal. However you word it this must be made clear.
2007-11-04 11:22:09 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with pspoptar on what to send, as for the HOW to send.. you may be limited to email. If you're not in an area near a major mail centre (such as Gateway post office in Mississauga for Canada, for example), then the mail may take anywhere from 2 - 10 working days or more to send. 2 weeks is the average I know of for most mailing systems, so the invites have to be sent out well before 5pm tomorrow at the latest if they're going by snail-mail. Send out multiple forms, too, to make sure they get it. If they're on facebook, have someone set it up as an Event.
Just make sure if you do phone or email invites, you keep track of the RSVP's very closely.
2007-11-04 11:03:57 · answer #3 · answered by dragonsmercy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anything less then two week notice and you really aren't giving people enough time. She suggested it so it's up to her to plan it. If you invite people to a dinner to celebrate you're wedding then it's on you to pay or it's just in bad taste. Put the hassle on the one who came up with the idea. It wouldn't be in such bad taste for her to say to everyone 'hey lets take the bride and groom out to dinner to celebrate'. Making it obvious that you aren't picking up the tab. It politely turns the tables that they are taking YOU to dinner to celebrate. You shouldn't be the one stressing over her idea though.
2007-11-04 14:44:29 · answer #4 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you.....
Elope as you had planned. Schedual the dinner for later, so you can give proper notice.
The problem is, if you send invitations, it is understood that the guest will not have to pay. It is rude to invite someone and make them shell out for it. Perhaps invite only a small group, and have or make inexpensive food (even finger sandwitches).
Many couples who have private or destination weddings have receptions later...... I just catered one last week; they were married last August. They had a DJ, dinner, and cake. You don't have to go that extravagant, but you do have to entertain your guest if you are inviting. If another family member wants to pay for the party, they should send out the invitations.
Good luck & congrats!
2007-11-04 11:06:55 · answer #5 · answered by ktswim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It would be a nice gesture if she would coordinate it. I think that the family member should at a minimu offer to follow up as to how many people to expect and to make sure that they know they have to pay for their own meal.
Essentially the invites (or e-vites?) should say you're having a private ceremony, and will be celebrating with a no-host dinner at _____ place at ___ time
or, as already stated, "dutch treat" gathering.
Ha ha - i just had a funny... BYOB Buy Your Own Buffet....
Good luck.
2007-11-04 11:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not paying for the dinner tell this family member to set the party up herself and invite people.
It's OK for her to tell people to pay for their own dinners and invite them. Not prefered but OK. Just have her send invitations inviting people to attend a dutch dinner in your honor on X date to celebrate your marriage. perhaps even have her set it up as a "suprise" so you can't be blamed.
If you do invite them and tell them to pay for their own meals it is going to look like you are fishing for gifts. With any reception it's assumed the meals are paid for and even though that may not be your intention that's how it will come across.
As far as people out of state are concerned you shouldn't send them invites. Reson being it's too close to the date to book travel without paying a huge fee for last minute bookings, and really isn't acceptable to ask people to pay a few hundred for travel and not even feed them or allow for them to see the ceremony. If you send an invitation and they are close to you they may feel obligated to do these things so save them the heartache and just send an announcement.
2007-11-04 10:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
my suggestion is to have a set menu and price per person.. be sure to add tax and gratuity.. depending on how many people you think will show, add a few bucks to per person price.. DO NOT send formal invites that way people will not be like why am i getting it so late.. put in the invite, the time, the place, and the price.. do not mention the ceremony.. just say something like "we would like you to join us in the celebrating of our newly pronounced marriage" that way they assume that you will have been already married.. make the invites something that you can print out on a computer.. i think if you send then out tomorrow without being formal, it will not be a big deal.
2007-11-04 14:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋