how do i explaine to my step son why his mom isnt calling for him?

Question

my b/f's ex has stopped calling to see her son 2 months ago. he is 4 years old and every wednesday he was going to her house. so now on wednesdays when ever the phone rings he asks if it is her and i have to be the bad guy and say no. and you can see his little heart break. so does this lots she will take him for visits and it lasts for a month or so then she stops for 2-4 months at a time. my bf has primerary gfardianship and she has visitation right. how do i explaine to my step son that i dotnknow why his mom isnt calling to visiting

as far as he is concerned i am his mommy. and he has been calling me mommy for a long time. i have been with his dad for almost 3 years now and i have always been there for him. it is just so heart breaking to see how up set he gets when he wants to see him mom and cant. we saw her on halloween and she didnt say hi to im or anything. he tryed to give her a hug and she just pretty much pushed him away. and i am the one he crys to. i want to voice my opinion to her but i know it will do more harm then anything.

i know what ever is goign on in her life has nuthing to do with me and my bf but her son needs to see his mom. it may not cause physical harm but it does cause emotional harm. we do know she was going to the bar all the time and has had drug problems. she has another child as do me and my b/f so that is no reason not to see her other child.

to make matters worse its not like we live very far away from her. it is litteraly like a 10 min walk to her house and 2 mins to where she works so she cold stop by here for coffee any time nad knows that as well.

Answer 1

When the phone rings and it's not her, just say it's not her and that you don't know why she isn't calling. Leave it at that. Distract him with something else. You need to bring up this information to your lawyer, who should contact the case worker and/or the judge to revoke her rights. If she can't be involved consistently, she needs to have her visitation rights terminated.

Answer 2

I know exactly what your going through. I have a 4 year old step daughter and her mother is a dead beat. The only difference between your situation and mine is that my step-daughter doesn't care if she would never see her mother again. And that's sad.

Maybe you should get an attorney and go to court. Get your BF to tell the judge that his ex needs a court ordered visitation/calling schedule for their son. Explain that her sparatic calls confuses the child and he doesn't understand why his mom isn't there for him. Tell them that y'all fear this is detrimental for the child and she needs a set schedule. If she's not willing to do that then Good Riddens! But hopefully that will his little heart heal.

That's what my husband had to do for his daughter because her mom would call maybe twice a month and stay on the phone for literally one minute. And she would call to set up a visitation (which have to be supervised) maybe once a month. But now that we went to court, they ordered her to visit her daughter every Wednesday for one hour and every Sunday for 2 hours. The sad thing about it was that after the judge made his ruling, she cried like a little child because "this schedule didn't work for her." What a low life!

Well, good luck and I know this is hard for you, especially since he calls you mommy and I know you probably just wish she would go away but hang in there! Sooner or later it sounds like she will just disappear and that would probably be the best thing for this little boy. He always has his "real" mommy...you!

Answer 3

It must be very hard to see a child you care about going thru this. The best thing to do is to tell him that his mom has some "health" problems that make her grumpy and that she is not always able to come for him. Perhaps you can help him to draw her a picture and have him send it to her --that way he can feel that he is still a part of her life.
I am sure that you know that you should not say anything bad about her to him --it will just make him more unahppy. you need to find a tactful way of telling him not to depend on her to visit regularly

Answer 4

Explain to him he's a wonderful kid, and that sometimes even parents get busy with work and school.

Maybe your bf can call her, and ask her when the child isn't around to hear...and not accuse, but ask what she'd like him to tell their son.

You can't make someone be a parent. Some people just aren't cut out for it. Just make sure you tell him how wonderful he is and that he's a great kid.

You say it enough, and he'll believe it.

Answer 5

Say anything non-blaming to keep his precious little heart from breaking... something neutral. Such as, Mommy has been really busy lately! I know this stinks, but he's four, and it's better to placate him partially than to just say "I don't know". Then I would have your husband call his ex, and then have him tell her what pain she is causing their child! If she is still unreliable... oh gosh. Maybe eventually he'll just not want to see her anymore. You can only shelter him from so much pain... I'm so sorry he, and you, are in this situation. I hope it gets better! Best of luck!

Answer 6

To avoid the child grows in unhealthy environment that you should tell him/her the truth .This is because they also understanding and smart if you willing to share the issue and let him involved. Praised him 1st what he having done the goods things recently and continue engagement how he feels recently and how everything getting on,if he feels you are been trusted by him ,sure he/she will share the little info with you and so on, and then you can also shared this issue with him and some follow up suggestion and selection that you offer to him to learn and practice together wit him.He/she may or may not eventually accept the offer but unless you have a try to communication with him and let him/she know what the situation yours being face it.

Answer 7

I agree with Amy totally. I went through the same thing growing up without my Father. He lived in the same town and I never saw him. It got to the point where I was so upset my mom would call him and beg him to talk to me and he'd promise time after time he'd come pick me up and I'd sit on the porch all night waiting. It's very important if this continues that he knows it's not his fault. I was so confused growing up and blamed myself. I'd suggest couseling if it continues because it's a lot for all of you to deal with. Also, you're there too so that helps with the mother figure in his life.

Answer 8

I feel for you and your step son. I have a similar issue when my husband and I have his two children. Their mom will call to talk to the oldest (boy) but not talk to the youngest (girl). There's really nothing I've been able to say or do to make her believe that her mother loves her or wants her. I just hold onto her when she cries and say nothing. I tell her honestly that I don't know why her mom talks to her brother and not to her. I don't want to be made into the bad guy and even though I have the same, "is that my mom?" or ,"doesn't my mom want to talk to me?" questions, I know she appreciates that I'm being honest with her.

Answer 9

oh, man. i am going through this with my kids' father, and the simple answer is that she is busy, or can't get to a phone. and then YOU call her later to find out what happened. Have you thought about setting up an alternating schedule? one week she calls him, the next he calls her? that might help. AND it is entirely possible that something is going on and she can't take him, and whatever that is, I'm sorry to say, probably isn't any of your business unless what's going on DIRECTLY harms your stepson. not calling, or showing up,as disappointing as it is, doesn't consitute physical harm. sux, but true.

Answer 10

HOW do you explain? OMG....I would hate to be in your shoes, you and I both know she is probably a piece of ****....but now what to do with this precious child? I think I would try to get closer to him so he starts to try and forget, and I think as adults you guys need to deal with that piece of work....through the courts even....I would explain that she is SICK, not sick in health but her head is not right....to the ability he can understand, and in the mean time LOVE HIM! I can tell you are very caring and how lucky is this little man to have you, and what class you show by sticking by him and not blaming him for his mother being crap! Good luck and God Bless you all.....