Father daughter period etc. talk?

Question

I have 2 daughters 8.5 and 10.5 y/o. My oldest is budding, I've noted this since spring time. I think it's time for "the talk". Since I've never done this I'm looking for lots of help here.
1. Do I include her sister too? They are very close and the 8 y/o is very bright.
2. Do I do this in a few sessions. Talk about periods 1st. And the birds & bees at a later time?
3. Since I'm a guy, what would be the best way to explain this?
4. What are all the questions I need to be able to answer?
5. My oldest is a little shy, how do I handle this?
6. Is there anything I've left out?
7. How do I handle my nevousness?

My parents never had "the talk" with me so this is all new. How did it go for you? I'm very sincere about my question.

Answer 1

A lot of people suggested that you have a close female speak w/ your daughters about this but I disagree. I would think you want your girls to be comfortable going to you w/ any questions they have. You may inadvertanly send the wrong message that they can only discuss certain things w/ other females. While it is very awkward to say the least, I think you should have an open & honest discussion with them. Explain that since you are a man, you don't have all the answers about being a young woman but they can always ask you anything and never be embarrassed or scared and that if they'd rather ask Aunt .... or Grandma or whoever that, that is okay too. Right now is the perfect to have both the puberty talk and the sex talk, in basic terms they can understand. Buy an age appropriate book, read it and pick a few topics to discuss w/ them. Then let the girls keep the book. After a week or 2, ask them about the book and if they had any more questions. You'll have to have the sex talk many times throughout adolence if you want to keep an open dialoge. Get over your nervousness and just do it. In today culture there is a lot of perssure on girls to do/ and become what isn't always appropriate. They'll never learn how to become responsible young women if they don't have support. And often times girls learn what is expected from the opposite sex by their father's support. It's okay if the girls are shy and don't have any questions right away. The more you discuss the topic, the more comfortable they'll get and realize if you are comfortable they can be too. Also, buy your daughter a box of pads, keep them under the sink and let her know they're there for when the time comes. If she's starting to develop, she probably won't ask you for a bra and you can bet kids at school are talking about it. Take her to the department store, have a female employee in the women's department measure her and buy her a few bras. You daughter might not say it but she'll thank you. Again, suck it up and don't be embarrassed. Good luck!

sorry about my typos, i'm a little lazy and my spell check isn't working.

Answer 2

I also think it would be best if you give them the talk(s) and then tell them that whatever female relative (or school counselor) is also available if they want. If you are their parent and closest one to them, you should do it and they'd probably be more comforatble with you.

I'd talk to them both at the same time - saves having to do it all over again in 2 years, and besides the 10.5 year old will probably tell everything to her sister anyway (and maybe get some things wrong).

Get a good book on the subject! That will probably lay it all out in a good order, and probably also address any questions that might come up. I'd start with the period and body changes first, with maybe a glossing over of the birds and bees just to explain why they'll get periods.

One thing they might be scared of is that blood = pain. Make sure you tell them it's not the same thing as bleeding from a cut!

Answer 3

What you need to do is to leave it up to her to decide how much does she want you to be involved. You know, these days almost every girl knows what period is before it happens to her, and some may choose not to talk about it too much. I also live with my father only, and when i got my first period, I asked him to act as if nothing happened. Of course, your daughter might be compete opposite,so I think you should ask her if she knows what period is and if she wants to talk to you about her. You could also tell her that if she is more comfortable she can talk to her sisters on the phone, if possible, or you can offer her to talk to some female person that is close to her or to you (maybe you have a sister, or female friend, or girlfriend...) So, my point is that you should give her a choice.

Answer 4

Probably your 10 1/2 year old has learned about it at school. I think getting a book may be a good idea. If you are a single parent then tell them yourself. If you talk to your daughters about this then they will grow up knowing that when faced with an issue they can always go to dad and need not have to find a female to go to. I think you could tell them both at the same time. But anyway find a book...just tell the the truth and answer any questions they have.

Answer 5

I would buy her a book and give it to her. There are loads written for girls of that sort of age.

Once she's had a chance to look at it, tell her that she can ask you anything she's unsure about, since you're a guy you may not know the answer right away, but you can find out for her. And in particular say that she's getting very close to the age when her periods might start, did she understand that bit?

Any female relatives or close friends you can involve? Maybe not for the initial "talk", but just so she has someone she knows she can ask if she has what she might feel is a silly question later on, or if she just wants a bit of reassurance? They can also advise you on what brand/size of protection to get - at the point that she's read the book, you need to get her something because if she's anything like mine she will have a total panic about her period starting unexpectedly!

How to handle your nervousness? Don't worry about it. Tell her that you're nervous because you're not very sure what to say.

Answer 6

Start with period
Tell her that she will begin a period between now and 16
Tell her its blood and it will last from 3days-10days
Buy some pads and junior/small tampons.
Tell her to stick them in her under wear and change every 4-6 hours {when period is going on}\
Then tell her she can tampons but she will probley need an adult/teen girl to help her.
It's your choice about the 8 y.o.
Tell her she may get cramps and asprin will help.
Ask her if any questions go to www.beinggirl.com

Then {same time} talk about bras and buy her a thin sports bra. Tell her once she starts to grow she will need a thicker and more of a bra. Really there isnt much to know about bras!


When she is like 12 if she doesnt already know let her know about sex and stuff....leave the 8 y.o. out of this talk...{i would}



I was 10 when i started my period {im 12 now}
Mom NEVER talked to me about it.
I want to use tampons so badly, I even asked her and she said i will think about it. I was so sad. We were even at wal-mart! So just let her know they are both good {pads&tampons}


Good Luck
P.S. Don't worry about it! She will need to know this stuff! Also if she doesn't shave her legs yet...let her!

Answer 7

I think it is helpful to buy a book on the subject, such as the American Girls guide to.... the books are written at an age-appropriate level with just the right amount of information. I will typically preview the book, then go through it page-by-page with my daughter and give her a chance to ask questions, then let her read it on her own and keep it for reference. This will help guide you through some of the nervousness too. Just speak to her factually, while reinforcing your values at the same time (e.g. re the birds & bees). I think it's best to talk to each girl individually when she is ready, not talk to both of them because the older one is ready. She'll probably feel special discussing these things with you individually anyhow. It would be great if there is a female she could talk to also. One other thing, my husband found a little kit with supplies that she could carry in her backpack in case she started at school. He gave that to her and I think she really appreciated it.

Answer 8

No offense at all against you since it seems like you are a single father, which if that is correct, total props to you that is awesome, However if there is a female adult like an aunt, or your mom around that can talk to your daughters about this it might be easier, for you and them. This is a hard talk to have the school district we live in has that talk with the girls starting in the 4th grade. Good luck to you, if no adult females are around that your girls are comfortabe with go on web md, trying getting that growing up girl book, or talk to the doctor at the doctor office and see what they suggest or all three, best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Just casually bring it up while you two are alone.
Don't go into too much detail, though.
She will be much more comfortable talking about that sort of thing with a female.
(If her mother can't)
A grandmother,cousin, aunt, maybe a babysitter or mentor.

Yeah, i think it would work out best in a few small sessions, instead of overwhelming her all at once.

Buy her the book "The Care & Keeping of You"
It's a book explaining puberty, bras, pimples, etc in terms your daughter will understand.
If she has questions, let her know she can ask you=]

Answer 10

If the oldest daughter is shy have the talk w/ both of them. chances are that the oldest one will tell the younget one anyways. i would do this in one session so you dont become the akward dad. to explain this just say what you need to say just take out the akward words (switch w/ private parts). your girls probobly wont ask questions, they will want the talk to be over just as much as you do. being nervous is normal, just get over it and do it w/o thinking about it. good luck :-)