Am I just the side-chick? (again)?

Question

I had a boyfriend whom I had been with for over three years (not continuously). We've encountered a lot of problems and I felt that my love for him was not as strong as it used to be. When I began a new job, this co-worker of mine caught my eye immediately. We began to flirt and play around, and eventually one thing led to another....I began to feel bad so I broke up with my boyfriend. After finding out his girl left him, I began to open up, but they are on the rocks and apparently she was just angry and didn't mean it. I really like him and we have a great connection, but I'm scared that I'm just the side chick and he wants both. He says he's scared and I'm not pushing him at all, but everytime I kiss him it hurts. We also can't really go out unless we go somewhere far away and that really sucks. He makes me feel so happy, but this situation is really bothering me. I don't want to tell him to choose because I feel I don't have that right....but I feel like I'd rather have something

than nothing...I don't want to end it, but I don't want to keep doing this and he keep seeing his girlfriend like nothing is going on. He still talks to her and says he loves her, but I can't understand how he can profess such feelings for me and then still love her. I do get jealous, but I never act on it and I would love to tell him how I feel but I'm afraid it might push him away. I want to show him how good I am for him and how great being with me will be, but I'm afraid he just wants an entree with something on the side. I don't want to be his side, but I don't want to end it...I guess I'll probably have to but why does it have to be sooo complicated. Why can people have connections that are this strong with more than one person. I also feel bad for the girlfriend but what can I say? He says he wants me to be apart of his future and I would like nothing better, but I don't know if I can wait because it's killing me to wait...

Answer 1

I would be up front with him. Guys can't read minds. We have to be told things. So, if when you tell him, he may just be waiting to hear that to break it off with the other. But make him choose, so you can get on with your life.

Answer 2

Well i know this sounds gay...but if you have ever seen the movie john tucker must die, if he calls you baby and hunny it means that he doesn't want to mix uo your names. (haha i know i am pathetic that i actually saw that movie.) If i were you, i would give him a little bit of time because he still may not be over his other girlfriend. Or he could be a player because you said that you guys were flirting and fooling around WHILE he had a girlfriend. HE should have known better! Its not your fault because you didn't know he had a girlfriend(lets hope) so how do you know that he won't do the same thing to you? I would give him a little more time to get over his old girlfriend...keep flirting and playing hard to get. then he will be over her and on you(if you know what i mean hahaha). good luck!

Answer 3

definitely do not continue this while he is still with his other gf. No matter how good he may make you feel, nothing can really happen while hes still with her. If he really says all that stuff to you, like, "I want you to be a part of my future," then you do have the right to tell him to choose.

But he seems kinda jerk-ish. If hes telling you these things, then think of what hes telling his gf?? My friend told me that what a guy can say to comfort you, he can say the same thing to another girl..

Answer 4

First of all, you DO have the right to ask him/ tell him how you feel. And on top of that, you should tell him the situation and the way YOU see the situation. Tell him how you feel about him, tell him what you think this situation is, tell him that it's hurting you to wait for him. You DO have the right to say things too. If he walks away from you then he didn't want anything to do with you the way YOU wanted to. It's either, You two together (if thats what both of you want) or it's you on your own path and him on his own path. He has to pick.

Answer 5

Well if you feel that way it's best that you ask him you can't hold it all in i kinda know how that might feel, he shouldn't be playing around like that with u....ask him staright forward and ask your self is this what i really want? or maybe you shoudl jsut get away from him for a while lol (mayeb even from you job since he you co-worked) and strighten your feelings out because if he doesn't know hwo to value you then break up with him maybe it is better to go back with your old bf

Answer 6

Girl you need to get on through. How can you mess with someone Else's man? you playing yourself. If you are at lest over 23 you should know better.
If y'all were to get together who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you. You are just a side chick, because if he really love or care about you he wouldn't be dragging you along. You need to make you happy **** a man. Go to the store and buy a dick if that's what it's about.Please get out of that situation because you don't know who you are dealing with. (GOT ME)!

Answer 7

You've always been the side chick, how many times are you gonna ask the same question. You don't have the right to ask him to choose, you will only find peace and happiness when you end it with him. If he then chooses you, fine, if not, oh well, he wasn't meant for you.

Answer 8

Girl think about it he is playing you.. if he really wanted to be with you like he says him and his girl would not be together or always fighting because he would be comparing the two. you need to tell him how you feel or end it thats all you can do. because as of now you are a homewrecker if he is kissing you he is cheating on her and you know it and you need to fix it before she finds out

Answer 9

for one thing this about you not him..are you that insecure that you need a guy that goes to you when the other pisses him off and then her when you piss him off ..of course he is going to keep you you put up with it...does she know he still sees you like you know he sees her? I doubt it cause you are a fill in and its time you broke it off and find your self and set some guidelines on what is good for you...less pain being alone and not being used..he says everything you want to hear but does nothing to meet your needs

Answer 10

Deb W is correct. If he will cheat on her, he would cheat on you later and is kind of cheating on you right now. Doesn't matter if he is confused or just a bad guy on purpose. Either way, his actions are hurting you. Stay away from him, he will hurt you much more over the long haul if you stay with him.