i have chosen parents who are my fiance's sister and husband, i am happy with that decision. we absolutely cannot afford to keep this child and i want whats the very best for my baby boy. thats whats driving me to do this. i guess i just want to know how people who have done this are managing now? i know its a long process and im never going to be over it completely but i was wondering about hearing other people experiences if you guys wouldnt mind sharing them.
thank you so much for any imput, i would love many answers and dont worry about how long they may get...
thanks
2007-11-04 06:12:27 · 17 answers · asked by *Kala* 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
no i deffinetly dont want to interrupt with their parenting, i feel that would be very unfair to the parents and thats why i like that they live so far away from me so on a bad day i cant just pop in and investigate...
2007-11-04 06:35:27 · update #1
so for Joy, my child is a gift but you think it sucks and i should work through the hard time and just hope like hell it gets better?
2007-11-04 06:36:33 · update #2
i have done research, and i dont think he will hate me because the parents we chose are part of the family and they certainly arent going to raise him to feel that way about us. im not abandoning him to strangers, i know who he is going to. i know that we could possibly make it but seriously, seriously our money situation is like... bad we cant even afford cell phones, i know its a permanent fix to a temporary problem but i just dont have a choice and i want him to grow up having what he needs and wants.
any encouragement?
thanks for everyones answers so far
2007-11-05 03:04:09 · update #3
oh and some people were asking my age...
im 17
and i live in canada so this usa research i cant do
2007-11-05 03:06:05 · update #4
Kala,
You will have to carefully read in here to find the ones who are fine & even happy from being adopted (& they're the ones who support you & your baby & have the highest number of thumbs down votes), but they are here & actually outnumber this group of jerks. They've just stacked the votes in their favor but if you'll really look, others are shocked & appalled with their vile statements. You are very vulnerable right now. Please don't listen to this gang of trolls. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. They are playing with others' emotions in here as if they were toys & causing real damage. They enjoy scaring the living daylights out of normal & sane people. Like I said before, listen to your heart & your instincts. Best wishes.
2007-11-05 23:48:42 · answer #1 · answered by noodlesmycat 4 · 4⤊ 5⤋
I gave my daughter up in Jan 1972. Of course it was a closed adoption and it's a decision I wish I had never had to make. If I knew then what I know now, I don't think I would have done it. It was something I never got over, even after finding her in 2001 (she was 29 1/2) I still live with the guilt of giving away my baby. Every birthday I cried for her. She lived with feelings of abandonment, the 5th child of a blended family and the only girl. She was molested and that tears at my heart. We have both had some counseling and that helped. It hurts like hell, when your child asks you, why did you keep my brother and not me? He was born in 1977. She will never call me mom and her kids will never call me Grandma. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and we went through the Children's Home Society and they didn't counsel us to keep our baby, just to give her up. I could have saved my self a world of hurt, by trying to figure out how we could keep her.
I know that things are different now with open adoptions but feelings never change, some day your son will come to you and your new children and ask, why did you keep them and not me?
2007-11-05 10:03:11 · answer #2 · answered by snowwillow20 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I know that you posted this questions for those who have given there babies up for adoption although I do not meet that criteria I have to give a response.
When I found myself pregnant with my daughter, I had no health insurance and a low income to say the least. Her father (biological and not in the pic any more) was out from the beginning and I felt scared that I would never be able to do this. I also knew that I could not give my baby away. I buckled down and got to it and 8 years later I may not be rich, but I am an at home mom and so happy that I still have my daughter.
I am only sharing this because you stated that you were going to do this as you have not the funds for raising a child. You would be surprised by the number of people out there who are raising children with low incomes but lots of success. It is possible. I don't know what your circumstances are but if your only reason is lack of money than I hope that you will reconsider.
I think that adoption is a beautiful thing as there are so many orphans and so many children who are not being given a home by there biological parents. I just hate to see someone give their baby up for the sole reason of finance. There are a lot of resources out there.
2007-11-04 10:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by viento 4 · 13⤊ 1⤋
Infertility can be caused by a huge number of factors: hormone imbalance, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Endometriosis, Anovulatory Cycles, physical blockage, inadequate hormone production, short luteal phase, lack of lutenizing hormone, high levels or prolactin, and many others. How to get pregnant https://tr.im/VIzfQ
Poor nutrition often plays a major role, as does exposure to toxins. Age plays less of a role before menopause than was originally thought. While there are many wonderful naturally minded fertility specialists out there, in many cases it is not possible for them to test for and address any of these possible underlying issues.
2016-05-01 06:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people that are hurt - to the core - when it comes to adoption - is the child - and the relinquishing mother.
And the pain doesn't ever completely go away.
Sure - you can get busy - and you can pretend that it doesn't hurt - but it's usually always just there - just below the surface.
The people that love adoption - and will give you praise for being so wonderful for giving away your child - are mostly adoptive parents.
Adoptive parents are the ones who gain.
They want a child - you have a child - they'll tell you what you want to hear.
If you truly feel that this is what you must do - so be it.
But please - please - do a whole lot of reading beforehand - and see things from many different angles.
Adoption is so often (where infant adoption is concerned) a long term fix - to a short term problem.
Adoptee blogs -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2805.0
Relinquishing mother blogs -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0
Books -
http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24351
People research a great deal into big purchases - cars, houses etc.
This is a HUGE decision / a life altering event - for you and for your child.
All I'm advising - is to do your research - and do what your heart tells you to do.
I wish you all the very best.
2007-11-04 16:45:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 3⤋
I'm sorry you are going through this.
The short answer to your question is, relinquishing my daughter gave me PTSD and made me suicidal.
It has been six and a half years. We have a fully open adoption. I regret, to the core of my being, giving her up.
You said that you want to do what's best for your child. I remember that feeling, I was there once. I would like to ask you, though, to please consider thinking of it in a different way--just ask yourself if you can give your baby what he or she NEEDS. Not the best, just what he or she needs. The reason I'm suggesting this is just this: adoption is no guarantee. Right now you feel financially strapped and therefore want to give your baby a financially secure home. I understand that. But there is no guarantee that the adoptive home will always be financially secure; there is no guarantee the adoptive parents will always be together; and there is no guarantee that YOUR life won't quickly turn around.
If everyone decided to give their children "the best," we'd all be relinquishing our children... because there are always better parents, wealthier homes, more educational opportunities, bigger houses, etc etc out there.
Just please really, really think about this. At the very least, please read this booklet before you decide anything for certain. It's called What You Should Know if You're Considering Adoption for Your Baby: www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
2007-11-04 10:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by concerned 3 · 16⤊ 2⤋
I feel so bad for you. It is such a hard decision.
I have my first child at 19, in 1981. The pregnacy was unintended, I was unmarried and had not finished college.
After asking myself some very hard questions and doing alot of soul searching, I decided that even though I would be dirt poor, I could provde what my baby NEEDED.
I married her father, and we had our daughter, together. Two more followed. It was hard. We were very poor. The children never went without basics. Things got better as we both went on for higher education. It took time but we did it!
By the time the kids were in grade school, we owned a home in a lovely neighborhood and we could provide not only what they needed, but also what they wanted!
The kids are grown. I now have 9 grandchildren. I am so glad I made the decision I did.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do.
2007-11-04 10:56:16 · answer #7 · answered by LORI P 3 · 15⤊ 2⤋
They should re-name this category to "judgemental jerks with all the answers". I will count myself lucky to get thumbs down here - the reasonable people are the only ones getting them.
Some people have suggested counseling - I agree with them. You need to explore all of your resources at a time like this - look to your family and other people close in your life and look to them for support right now. First of all, pregnancy hormones can mess up your thinking as well as letting panic dictate your decisions. Believe it or not, there are more people who will help you and be in your corner than you realize now. Adoption may be a decision your regret forever OR it may be the best solution for you. Have you talked with your parents about it? Your Fiance's parents? Maybe they can help you with the best option.
What you need to remember -
There are all kinds of people who are going to answer this question and many have their own agenda.
Some are bitter, angry and jealous of those who are able to conceive.
Adoptees who are well adjusted and happy are probably not browsing this category looking to answer this type of question.
Adoptive parents are going to be grateful to those who have made the decision to give their children up for adoption.
This decision is yours and is a permanent decision either way - you need to explore your own options and decide what is best for you. Remember, you are not as alone as you believe, things are never as bad as you think and you need to figure out what decision you will be able to live with. Either way, the decision will be with you every day.
2007-11-06 03:19:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Let me say right off that I have not given up a baby for adoption. I do have family members and friends who have. Some are okay with it, some have good days and bad days, some describe their life as feeling like spend their entire lives buried alive. All said it was pure hell in the beginning. For some, they are still grieving years later. Each person described it differently.
I strongly urge you to get counseling to help you understand how you will deal with it. May I also suggest that you look for resources and make a backup plan to parent? Many, many parents find that after they actually see and hold their baby the first time, they cannot go through with the adoption. If that happens to you, you do not want to have yourself backed into a corner.
I wish you all of the best.
2007-11-04 06:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 17⤊ 3⤋
I've never given up a child for adoption, but I am the biological child of a person who gave his previous daughter up for adoption. My half-sister ended up finding my dad a few years ago, and because he felt so bad for giving her up for adoption he began to treat her like she was more of his child than me and my brother were, talking to her constantly and sending her expensive presents, which led to a lot of hurt feelings. If you think you might have more biological children in the future and will keep them, it is one thing to consider how it will affect them if they know the child you gave up for adoption and you're all in contact.
2007-11-04 10:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 3 · 8⤊ 1⤋