my unborn son and boyfriend....?

Question

okay first off only serious answers please..
Me and my boyfriend are expecting our little one on March 6 of 2008. When We first found out I made him quit smoking cigarettes.I never smoked, did any drugs, or drink any alcohol.
Our relationship I find is relatively good. Although I am 16 and he is 20 the age didn't really bother him nor I. Most people find me more mature than most people.
The thing is, is that he smokes weed. And this is all . But I had a hard life growing up having a druggie for a mother and I want the best for our son. So Chris , my boyfriend, just called me from break and he was going to call my Uncle Chuck to see if he has any weed.And I got upset about it and told him I want him to quit smoking because I want the best for our son . And he got extremely upset about this. So like I told him it's either me or the weed.And he said he isn't going to quit smoking and then I told him that he might as well pack his bags. Than he threatened me about taking my son away

this tore me up inside . I want him to quit smoking badly for the sake of his own kid. Do you think he will and is there anything I can do to prevent the taking of my son .
This is the only bad thing he honestly does ..
Please any advice would help or

he said if I broke up with him he would stop smoking and fight for custody .
I can't let this happen.

Answer 1

Well first off, the fact that you're 16,means that having sex with you and getting you pregnant is against the law. Secondly, no matter what state you're in, the court views the best place for the baby as far as custody and residential custody is with the mother. But even if that were not the case, the fact that he does smoke weed would not look good and most definitely keep him from ever getting custody of your child. This is a fact. He is probably threatening you with this as a means of getting to back off about wanting him to quit smoking weed. That should tell you something about his addiction. Be careful with the choices that you make, because whether your married or not, if you reside in the same household and he should get arrested for possession, the state can and will take the child.

Answer 2

first, never but never, hand out an ultimatum, unless you feel so strongly, without question, that you will go through with it no matter what. Secondly, you must be well aware, he has not got a hope in hell of taking that baby. So lets work on the weed problem. As long as it is not smoked in the house, it will not affect the child, at this point. So this is between you and the boyfriend, unless you are willing to go through with your threat, then there could be time to work it out. But you could be right. I have never known many guys to give it up, especially if the don't drink, or have another way to, so called relax. I have seen cases, i know well and long term, where it caused only problems when finances were tight. Other's it caused none, but in both cases the smoker had a lot of self control and was of responsible character to start with. As for your mom and boyfriend i can not judge, and it's not fair to compare mom to boyfriend, unless weed was her only problem too, even if she went further, this is not to say your boyfriend will either. I do believe myself, that it would be better for all if he gave it up, but you must decide if it is worth it, but keep in mind it is very likely he will probably replace this habbit with another, relationships have broke up over many habits, hobbies....golf, sports, cars, fishing, shopping, believe it or not, peanut butter. So it might not save you in the long run, because you think other habits wouldn't bother or affect you, untill you live it, when he puts you and child sencond to the hobby at all times, believe me it will become a major problem. The way I've best heard it discribed is " If it's not one thing, it's another". But in the end you are ultimately the judge and jury! Just remember, there are 3 lives that will live by your the decision.

Answer 3

He will have a really hard time trying to take your son away from you. He would have to prove that you are a bad mother and at this point there are very few judges that would listen to him. You, on the other hand, have an ace up your sleeve. He does illegal drugs and so you can use that against him, if you had to. If he will not quit for the sake of you and your son then send him packing and stick to it. He is being selfish and immature by refusing to stop for the sake of your child. You will do just fine as a mom. Stick to your guns on this one and don't let him scare you. He hasn't got a chance.

Answer 4

Your boyfriend does not sound very supporting or mature. If you know you have a son, you are about half-way in the pregnany. It is best to carry the child to terms. Decide what you wish when YOUR son is born. Do you wish to raise him with the help of YOUR family? Or do you feel you should give the baby into a closed or open adoption? It is important that you understand your son is not at fault for his fathers behavior. If you feel the father is a "dud", be strong and be a great mother. You may find a better dad for him when the time comes. Heck, he may have a decent job and a decent vehicle and love you and your soin and be on time and be kind and funny and loving and and and....

Answer 5

Yeah....I'm sort of glad he told you that because it has the benefit of being honest and you're getting way ahead of yourself. All you could ever do is ask him to stop; you cannot and did not MAKE him quit (though you verbage states otherwise). I realize it's a small point but we guys are very sensitive to things of this nature, and it will cause an otherwise good guy to drop you like a bad habit (when you really need him most)....we DO NOT LIKE BOSSINESS! Sometimes this arises as a result of the "nesting instinct" pregnant women often experience, or sometimes it's only after we've gotten you pregnant that you fully realize how childish we are. Whatever the case, bossiness is gasoline on the fire of our demeanor. Try to relate to each other as partners, and good luck with your pending arrival.

Answer 6

Leave him and get a good lawyer, then move about 3 states (or provinces) in any direction (depending on where you live) and never let him take away your child. If he ever raises the issue in court then just say that he smokes weed and your clean, it's a pretty good defence.

Answer 7

He wont stand a chance of taking your son off you, the courts 9 times out of 10 favor the mother, if he is smoking drugs they most certainly wont give him sole custody. The only thing you can do is try and explain to him why you want him to come off the weed, mention your mother etc, and just say I dont want my son to be brought up around drugs, its up to you,me our son,or weed.

The thing is you cant make someone give up drugs, they have to want to, alls you can do is wait.

Singcount, it is legal to have sex in the Uk at 16

Answer 8

If he smokes weed then he smokes weed. Unless he lets it affect his life and how he does things in a bad way, then i think you are going a little over board. If he can still be himself and be there for you and your child then why would you want him to stop smokin. If he is a good father he will be able to smoke and be there every single time he is needed. I mean pushing him to try and make him do something aint going to work cause no one wants to be made to do something. I think you should give a little before throwing down an ultamatum like that because it only causes problems if you start demanding things before talking about it, becuase then he feels like your trying to boss him around instead of talking to him about it.

Answer 9

If your boyfriend is smoking weed there is no way he can take your son away. Stick to it. You don't want some ****** using all of the money you have to buy pot. If he cared about you or the baby he would of quit without you asking.

Answer 10

You need to think about you and your son. If he is a man of honesty and trust he would quit. To threaten you - not a good sign. If that was my situation. I would get out. He cannot take your child if he is doing drugs. He wanted to say that to scare you into staying.