My daughter wrote this for a beginning page of a story, I think it's good, do you think it's good?

Question

She's twelve.
Here it is:

Dulcie Ann Laurels walked down her street with a smile on her face. She was meeting her best friend, Cara, at the park in five minutes and together they would go to school from there.

They met at the park every morning because it was an equal distance from each of their houses and only ten minutes away from the school.

Today, Dulcie was in such high spirits because it was the first rehearsal for the play Annie that her school was putting on, and Dulcie had found out yesterday that she had won the role of Annie, and Cara would be Pepper. She was ecstatic, and couldn’t wait for the first rehearsal, which was for an hour before school today. And it was such a lovely day, too, with the bright sunshine above beating down on her, but it gave off such a pleasant warmth that Dulcie didn’t mind the heat.

She skipped along, moving as fast as her short legs could carry her, such was her exhilaration.

(cont.)
Then, suddenly, she shivered. She felt a shadow looming over her for some reason, although the sun was still giving off a good deal of heat. She had an uncomfortable feeling, but had no idea what was causing it. Quickening her pace, she took her sweater off from around her waist and put it around her. But the feeling didn’t go away. It stayed with her like a dark cloud on this lovely, bright day.

The character is actually supposed to be ten.

The story isn't actually done yet; it's going to be long, maybe 100 pages, and this is all she has. She wants to try and get it published!

Abby Paige, I care because I want to know if other people like it too, and if she's going to be published other people have to like it, right?

Answer 1

She has good character and plot development. That's quite exceptional for someone her age. I found it enjoyable to read because she has a good writing style that flows well. Encourage her. She is already has great storytelling skills and will be a promising author if she keeps it up. (Don't pressure her. Encourage her. Be relaxed about it.)

Practice is where it's at. She knows what she likes to read, therefore she instinctively knows what others like to read. Don't force her to go through any organized training. Sometimes, depending on the instructor, that can sap a budding author's will to write. I have seen this happen and it's a very sad thing.

Make sure she has the materials available to her, such as favorite reading, books on writing (such as the Writer's Guide, giving real world advice from published authors to new writers) and the ability to research her topics.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't know what to say without sounding harsh. It is good for a child, but not really something good enough to be published. It needs a lot more, the opening to a story is everything, it draw the reader and keeps them going. Two children going to school is not going to do that.

The third paragraph down is repetitive, mentioning that she is in high spirits, means she is excited/can't wait, so no need to say it twice. It also just jumps to the day being nice which has nothing to do with the rehearsal.

I would hold off on getting it published or even really encouraging the idea. Getting published is a tough and often demoralizing thing. Publishers only take the best and will not hesitate to pick apart the story and reject it. Most writers go through tons of rejections before getting anything published. I suggest getting her into creative writing classes, ect. This way she can learn and practice the art of writing. She needs to learn technique, sentence structure, plot/charater development, etc. She is young so there is plenty of time for publishing her work, children rarely get published, as there is more to writing than just knowing the story, life experience and knowledge play a large part. Most children are great writers in their parents eyes. I read some of the "books" I wrote at 10,11,12, ect and remember thinking they were great at the time, I can now see that I as just beginning to learn the art and looking at them now, they are no where near as good as I thought(don't get me wrong they were not bad, but only 12 year old good.)

Encourage you daughter to write, but also get her lessons, classes, etc, just like you would any other creative craft. You wouldn't expect your child to one day be a professional baseball player just because they played ball in the backyard. Again I don't mean to be harsh or critical, it would just be ashame if she sent this into a editor and they told it like it was and crushed her spirits so she never wanted to write anything again. She is obviously creative, so give her the skills to be even better.

Answer 3

I like it. I wanna read more =[
haha
For some reason though this dosent really look good to me."And it was such a lovely day, too, with the bright sunshine above beating down on her, but it gave off such a pleasant warmth that Dulcie didn’t mind the heat."
Too many commas and you cant start a sentence with "and"
Maybe somthing like this
It also was such a lovely day. With the bright sunshine above beating down on her, but it gave off such a pleasant warmth that Dulcie didn’t mind the heat.

Answer 4

It's excellent for a 12 year old. I would suggest that she male a reference as to how old the main character is. She refers to her skipping and her short legs which might indicate to readers that she's under 10.

Answer 5

I give it a 7 out of 10.

Answer 6

She should be a writer I could never come up with something like that but i'm only in 6th grade lol tell her I say good job a 5 star begining

Answer 7

It skips in between the subjects too much because first the characters are going to school it should add more details of what goes on like what do they see on their way to school Ex: On the way to school Cara and Dulcie enjoy the wonderful scenery of their hometown.

Answer 8

That is very well written for a 12 yr old congrtas and good luck to your daughter

Answer 9

Beautifully done. I salute you for having an intelligent daughter. She has the potential to become a writer someday. I have no doubt about it!

Answer 10

Wow- this sounds pretty good!! email me the rest of the story pls ([e-mail])

Lilu XOX