How do I make my lover love herself?

Question

I am in love with a wonderful perfect woman. Everything about her is so kind and understanding. I'm sure I could never find someone more perfect. There is only one problem: she does not love herself as I do. Every time I tell her she is beautiful she responds with "no" and she thinks she is not worthy of me. This really makes me sad - there are so many horrible, evil people out there who have such an inflated opinion of themselves, yet this perfect, wonderful woman thinks she is ugly and not worthy. The other night she tried to leave me because she thought I could do better than her and wanted me to try. I had to argue for ages before she would accept that only she could make me happy and that my life without her would be awful. Even if she did this every week, I would fight to stay with her because she is understanding, loving, wonderful, beautiful... and just perfect in every way. I want her to be happy with herself.

Is there anything I can do to make her realise that she is more than worthy and that she is absolutely gorgeous? I love her more than anything and it makes me so sad that she doesn't value herself.
They say you have to love yourself before someone will love you. They are idiots.

Answer 1

aww... you are a sweetheart and I am so glad that you have found someone that you love so sincerely.

Unfortunately, self-love can only come from one place... yourself. It is good for you to remind her how beautiful she is, how loving and kind and wonderful she is, but that will not take her all the way.

If her self esteem is so incredibly low, there has to be a reason for it. Was she abused as a child? Is there something difficult in her past that she has not dealt with? It might benefit her to go to some counseling to deal with those issues properly, so that she does not punish herself this way forever.

Just a thought. In the meantime keep loving on her and reminding her how great she is. And if you get the chance, maybe just be honest about how it makes you feel when she talks bad about herself. At the root of it, she's actually being a little irresponsible to be so negative about herself. She's not caring for herself and taking care of her health the way she should. Maybe reading a book on self-worth would help her? Anyway, best of luck to you!

Answer 2

no matter how much you tell her or other people tell her she will not take any notice unless she feels it herself, is there a reason she is like this??a bad relationship in the past maybe or bullying? you could try some kind of counselling alot of womens centres do this type and have courses for confidence etc, just be there for her and im sure everything wil be ok good luck and tell her shes not alone i feel that way sometimes too, but life is too short to worry what other people think init as long as you love her she has to learn to believe that herselfxx

Answer 3

Your question has two sides.
1) She doesn't think herself beautiful.
2) She doesn't count herself Worthy for you.

Regarding the first matter, its enough if she is beautiful in your eyes.
Regarding the second matter - if you really love her more than anything and you are true to yourself, the day will come when she will realise how much she is worthy to you.

Answer 4

Hi, had to respond cos I sound like the girl you are talking about. I have been put down by my family, friends, had a abusive marriage and just ended a friendship with a female as for the last 10 years she has made me feel like s**t, but i didnt realise it. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man, who loves me, makes me feel wonderful and for the 1st time in my life I am walking with my head held high and I have confidence and feel great (and look better as well). People cant believe the change in me ....... and its all because someone (like you) makes me feel worth something. So it will take a time for your lover to feel confident about herself, but time will tell and she will be a better person for you supporting her. Good luck to you both XX

Answer 5

She's lucky to have you! Continue to boost her ego, but not at the expense of your own. Make sure she's giving you something back too - it can be very difficult for people who don't love themselves to love others without inadvertently pushing them away. The bottom line is she wasn't born this way - her self confidence has been lowered by circumstance. She needs to discover what has caused it, and reprogram herself. You can help by supporting her, as you have been doing. Alternatively, you could suggest she consider counselling to her. I'm pleased there are men like you in the world, and I hope that I meet one some day too!

Answer 6

You sound like a great guy. People can have low self esteem for all sorts of reasons. I think the first thing to do would be to talk to her about it. Find out about her past, has she been in difficult relationships in the past? Is her family supportive of her? Is she happy with her career? I had low self esteem for a while after being treated badly by a guy. It took me a long time to accept compliments after that. My advice would be to be patient. Keep showing her how much she means to you, spend time with her and be there. Good luck x

Answer 7

It is strange how some people have an over inflated opinion of their self worth, and yet others completely undervalue themselves. Just part of the human condition I suppose. Be persistent, patient and loving.

Answer 8

Hi there, treat your women with as much love and respect as possible, make her feel important and loved, and when she does anything make her feel so appreciated, it takes time, but also she needs to let go of her past and the negative feelings she holds deep inside her emotions,
When someone loves you, but keeps wanting to leave you its because they have a fear that you will leave them eventually as they have probably felt lost or abandoned themselves, its, a feeling of loosing someone they care about, well the fear of it, let her know over and over again that you love her and you will always be there for her no matter what.

Answer 9

you need to get to the bottom of her thinkings, there could very well be something that happened to her when she was younger, or before she met you that has her thinking this way, work that through with her and in time you will help her get through things....i know this, i was there myself, i was the one that thought i was pretty or good enough for my partner, just be with her and tell her you love her everyday, pamper her, and be patient, you sound like a great guy for her so keep going

Answer 10

mayb u shud sit down with her and hav a sirious talk,take her hand and tell her dat she is da most beautiful woman uve ever seen,smthin like dat,and dat she is perfect da way she is =)then mayb take her out 2 see a movie!=D or shoppin,shoppin always makes ppl feel gd inside =]