How should I feel about my mom?

Question

As a junior in college, I plan to move states next year. My mom and I have had a close bond and now that I am leaving, it's very clear that it's hard on her. She says she supports me, but unconsciously, she's making it hard for me to leave (i.e guilt trips).

Just recently, she told me that if I go, my papa (grandfather) might get sick and I won't have the money to come and see him. When I told her I already set aside money to fly home, she said that if I come home, I won't be able to afford/make it for the funeral.

I was really hurt by this, but a friend told me that it definitely is possible and I should accept it and go. But I don't feel like I can 'just accept it'.

My mom's guilt trips are common these days but this one really stung, because it is a possibility. Talking with my mom hasn't worked, she just becomes more threatening. What should I do? How should I be feeling?

Answer 1

Just accept that your mother is selfish and is putting her needs above yours.

But in return you are going to have to be selfish. I assume you need to move to improve your education and your future career path. You need to do what is best for you, and ignore the guilt trips.

If she keeps doing it, I would tell her straight that if she keeps deliberately trying to put you on a guilt trip, she is simply pushing you further away.

Answer 2

You say that your mum is playing the guilt trip on you.Sit your mom down and tell her that you will always love her and you will keep intouch.Make a promise that if your grandpa becomes ill you will do every thing possible to return home.Your mom has had a life now it is your turn to live life.Follow your head and do what you feel to be the best decision for you.Your mom should be happy for you and wish you all the best.Good luck.

Answer 3

No-one can, or should, tell you how to feel.
Guilt trips are a manipulative trick, and a low one
at that. You know the motive. She doesn't want
to loose you. That's normal.
You should do what is best for you.
As to any obligations, if you can fly home to visit
'Papa` if he gets sick you will have done what's
owed. It may sound harsh, but he won't care if
you can't make the funeral, that's for others, not for him.

Answer 4

I've heard the airlines do give bereavement discounts when you have to fly to a funeral - you might look into that.

Write to her each week (it's a one way conversation so she can't make you feel as guilty). Tell her to come and visit you. Ask her not to ruin the time you have left together and do save up for trips home - travel can be expensive.

Joy to you!

Answer 5

With a close bond as you say, just hug her and say: I know its hard for you because its hard for me, too. But, it will be ok, we can work things out and I'll find a way to call you everyday.

And, everytime she begins to do a guilt trip on you, again, hug her, and say, My poor mom, you love me so much and I love you too. (Then, change the subject and make her laugh again!)