Stay at home and Moms who work outside the homes, can we settle our differences and find common ground?

Question

It seems like we have a lot of moms who feel the need to defend their choice to either work or to stay at home. Many of us do this for different reasons.

Why can't we accept that neither situation is 100% the right thing in all circumstances instead of criticizing those who either are stay at home moms or work outside the home moms.

Can't there be a way to support and encourage each other instead of having to criticize or get defensive over our choices?

Answer 1

I agree, why shouldn't there be unity, we are all Mothers and that club in itself demands our undivided attention so any animosity between the two is so irrational until it doesn't even sound like we are talking about Mothers, but adversaries at each other's throats. I worked (because I had to) all the years while my children were growing up, they attended daycare from 3 months again because I worked (had to). Now, they are grown, no grandchildren, but they are hard working young women with careers on their minds, they know how to get up at say 5:00 or 6:00 a.m., and they have a daily routine, which consists of being independent. (I believe this is the conditioning my girls received from when they were younger, because I had to work and we had to get up at that time to get our day going.) Due to a back injury, I am now a stay at home Mother with no children, they are grown, ironic isn't it. I guess I said all of this to say, whether working or stay at home, a Mother is a Mother and she will always be a Mother, with her children and yours, no matter what, so lets put the differences aside and become one 'CLUB". No defense and no offense just togetherness. God Bless.

Answer 2

I have been both. My first husband and I divorced when my daughter was 2 and I was a single mom and worked. Now I am a stay at home mom and I can tell you that being a single mom and working was by far the hardest thing I have ever done.. for me staying at home is a cake walk..I have 3 a home right now ages 14, 8 and 4 and although at times it is kind of crazy it is by far easier than when I had 1 and worked. I have all the sympathy for working moms and single moms it's not easy as a matter of fact it is damn hard. My hats are off to you..keep up the good work and rest assured it will get easier .

Answer 3

I personally think it all comes down to the words that are being said from each side. You hear stay at home moms say "I don't know how you could leave your baby" or "We sacrificed so I could stay home" and a whole bunch of variations of things. And then you have working mothers who feel guilty for working when realistically, some mothers do HAVE to work and yet because people try to make them feel guilty for it, so they say things like "I'm helping to support my family, what do you do?" and "A full time mom isn't a job, try having a real job." It's a no-win situation and it will never be fixed until everyone realizes that each family situation is different.

I am a working mother but I work from home 3 days a week so I can be at home with my daughter. Now would I prefer to be a full time stay at home mom?? Absolutely, but unfortunately because my husband is going back to school to get a better career, I don't have a choice since I am taking home more income than he does at this point. I have had stay at home moms say to me "how can you leave your baby?" and "if you really wanted to stay home, you could make it work" and unfortunately, my response was "I'm helping to support my family, what do you do." There will never be common ground between the two until everyone can learn to mind their own business and realize that there is a different way of life for everyone.

Great question!

Answer 4

I think a lot of the aggression in the debate about staying at home with your kids or going back to work has to do with guilt. (unnecessary guilt in my opinion)
Nowadays a woman who has kids can't do it right.
If she stays at home she will be labeled by some people as taking the easy route. Also if she had a good and lengthy education (college then university and so on)and a good job and then decides to quit to stay home at least for some time, quite a few people will not understand and will say that she is wasting her education. I was asked 3 weeks after delivery when I would get a job again....I have a university degree, and the asker couldn't understand that I chose to stay home for at least a year or two.
On the other hand women who choose to, or simply have to go back to work again are labeled as bad mothers for leaving their children with strangers at a daycare center.
No matter what decision a mother makes nowadays she is always wrong. She will be either labled as an unproductive member of the family that doesn't contribute to the income and is wasting her education, or as the career hungry workaholic who is willing to give away her children for the sake of her career.
Therefore a lot of women think that the have to defend their way of life so aggressively by attacking anyone who chooses to do it different than themselves.

Answer 5

That is a nice wish and I hope it comes true.
Unfortunately it probably will not. People always seem to want to compare themselves to others. There is probably jealousy on both sides therefore causing judgmental ways of thinking.
I have been on all sides of the situation. Right now I do not work but am a college student.
I know sometimes stay at home moms crave the day to day adult interaction that working mothers have. While working mothers want more time with their children.
My mom and my sister do this to me sometimes. One time my dad jokingly said to my sister (to get her to shut up- he hates it when they start on me) "She has a job-she's a trophy wife."
Maybe if more people remember what it was like to be on the other side (if they have). Or maybe if people actually tried to put themselves in someone else's shoes <--live that way for awhile
It is a mothers choice what she wants to do and many factors can play into that decision, No one has the right to put someone down because of it.

Answer 6

I think if everyone could keep their opinions to themselves then we wouldn't have problems with this sort of issue. Its the same with breast vs bottle.
I considered myself "a working stay at home mum"! I just started paid work 2 days a week after a 3 year break with my kids and spend the other 5 days at home. So what do I call that? I'm still here for the kids but I have a paid job too?

Until all humans can accept each other for what they are (which will never happen) then these types of issues will always occur. I don't have a problem with full working, part working or 'non' working mums.

Answer 7

I am fine with being a stay at home mom and wife. I have nothing against other stay at home moms or working moms.

Some people on here thinks that they are better because they work or don't work. I don't see why people really care cause it is not them so why worry?
People have to do what they have to do.

Another thing that bothers me is "some" stay at home moms put other stay at home moms down because they say they have degrees and that you don't. They are no better than someone who did not even go to college.

Answer 8

I think every mother should decide for their own. I personally couldn't leave my child,but some have to because of financial issues or whatever it may be. I don't think we have to tell our reasons or anything. I don't look down on any mother. A mom is a mom regardless of the job she has or doesn't have!!! I agree with you =)

Answer 9

I agree i went back to work when my little 1 was 7 months but i found it hard i felt like i was missing out on him growing up and i wanted to be with him so i gave up work to be with and it was the best decision i ever made mind you its the hardest job I've ever had lol

Answer 10

i say it's a personal choice and should be treated as such, the same with breastfed versus formula. whatever works out best for you and your family.