How do you forgive someone, who doesn't acknowledge they did you wrong??

Question

I grew up in a very abusive home, and to this day, my mother still doesn't acknowledge there was any problem.. for example.. when I was 17 I was raped, and my mother's response when I asked for help, was .. You'll get over it, and she walked away. That's just one of many examples of the crap I dealt with growing up.... anyway.. I'm 36 and to this day, my mother still doesn't acknowledge that she ever did anything wrong. I still feel really betrayed and hurt by her, and honestly I want to have a relationship with her, and I want to forgive her, but when she acts like she's done nothing wrong.. well how can I forgive her?? and how can I get closure on some really painful abusive events, caused by her??

Answer 1

Hello My Darling,
You cannot really forgive someone who refuses to acknowledge their mistakes no matter what situation it is. If you want to forgive someone and then have to tell them that they are wrong it kind of detours from the whole purpose. Im sorry I can't say I have an answer for this question. Good luck anyways babe.

Answer 2

There are really people even they have done wrong to others, they would not admit. In your case, your mother! Giving forgiveness to someone who doesn't recognize her mistakes could still be very possible. Actually forgiving is releasing the hurts or hatred we have inside our hearts to someone who have done wrong to us. You can forgive your Mother by ermptying and releasing your hurts and hatred so that you will feel relieved. If your Mother won't recognize her mistakes, it doesn't matter. What is important is for us to be free and relieved from hurt feelings we have., so that we can move on.

I know that your Mother will realize in due time what she did to you, I am sure with that. Her not recognizing her mistakes would bring her some guilt in her that would hunt her soul someday. The attitude of your Mother is actually very opposite of the attitude of a good Mother, because a good one always protect the honor and dignity of her daughter, anyone who did wrong to her daughter should face the consequence.

But don't loss hope God loves you so much, he will touch the heart of your mother so that she will realize the true role of a good mother to her children. God will restore your family relationship into something that everyone is happy and protected.

God loves you my dear, believe in him, and pray to him fervently and persistently.

Answer 3

With toxic family relationships such as yours you will just have to "let go and let God" handle this one.
If I were you, I would probably sit down and write out a long letter to her and with great thought I would detail how her past reactions and dealings with you have affected your life. Don't say things like "YOU did this or YOU did that". Instead tell her "when such and such happened...*I* felt this way". In a lot of ways it is easier to forgive than to forget.
With a letter, you can think out thoughtfully what you want to say and have no interruptions from her. After you write the letter, don't give it to her right away. Wait a few days and then give it to her.

Answer 4

It seems there is some problems with your mother
However you can't blame her, becease she gave birth to you.
Although she doesn't help you during difficult times, she at least supports you to some degree. Its not really entirely her fault that these dreadful events have to occur, its just she seems unphased by it. Well shes at an age where she has to realize herself that shes not as helpful in the past, however you cant do anything about it. So just move on with your life. Maybe have someone else take care of her and you go away for a while.

Answer 5

There is a movie in Korea that dealt with same issue you have. In it, a girl was raped by her cousin at age 16-17, and she told this unto her mother immediately, but her mother blamed her instead and told her never to speak about this 'shame' again.

Somehow in the movie, she finds in her heart to forgive her, after making friends with a young men who is facing execution.

I never understood the reason how she forgave her, but you might be able to make some sense of it... I hope this helps.
The name of the movie in rough translation is: "Our happy time." or in korean, "oori dul eh hang bok hahn shi ghan."

Answer 6

Just forgive her like jesus has and try to have as much as a relationship possible. That's all you can do. You can't have a relationship if you keep dwelling on the past.

Answer 7

Forgive her because if you hold onto it it hurts you more every day you keep it. Give it to God. She doesn't have to know you forgive her. What if a retarded person broke something of yours and they didn't realize it. Would you stay angry at them?

Some people are like infants when it comes to realizing the effects they've had on the people around them. It shouldn't be your problem. Let go of it.

Answer 8

Forgiveness is your key to healing, it doesn't matter what the other person does. It will help you to tell her when you forgive her and what you are forgiving her for. It may even help her to see the truth? I've had a simular issue with my mom; just not so drastic.

Answer 9

she doesn't have to acknowledge her mistakes for you to forgive her.sometimes people ask for our forgiveness without us knowing why?in the case of your mother,you know why you have to forgive her.it will ease your burden and you will learn to love wholeheartedly.

Answer 10

She's not going to change.
If you want to forgive her, you will have to forgive
her as she is, not as you want her to be.
if you can't, then it's time to move on.