A couple days ago I asked my oldest kid for copy paper to copy some religious information and she gave me some paper to use. After copying my information and sorting it out, I scanned the other side and it had copies of a "diary" of intimate, crudely gross things that she had done with her boyfriend. I nearly dropped the papers in disgust and now I can't even look at her, let known deal with her without those words coming back to me. I wish that there was a way I could forget even seeing one word of the filth that she had written but I can't. I even broached her gently by letting her know that some of the paper that she had given to me had a diary written on it and she did not even care! How do I continue to deal with her?(She is 26 years old and still relies on my financial help because she does not work.)
2007-11-03 19:43:33 · 8 answers · asked by phyllis_gene_levy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am sorry if I wasn't clear but I did not intentionally go looking for private anything; I am a BIG believer in privacy and I would never go through any of my kids' things when they were younger because I did not want to know anything. I am a BIG believer in "ignorance is bliss" and at my age I realize that I do NOT want to know everything. I was just sorting out the papers and I thought that it was information that I had copied but it turned out regrettably not to be...
2007-11-03 20:02:24 · update #1
Remember that she is your daughter and that she is part of you. As such, I'm sure she has some of your characteristics. Might you not have had the same thoughts as she did when you were that age, but you repressed them? Twenty six is an acceptable age to be sexually active; I'm sure you probably were by then.
I sense that your resentment is stemming from the fact that she's still relying on your financial support. Have you encouraged her to get a job? Give her positive feedback and praise her when she does something well. If she's suffering from low motivation and self-esteem, this will give her the boost she needs to get out into the job market. After she gets a job, you will probably feel a little less resentful and critical of her.
Above all, remember that your daughter is human. She will not be perect, even if you want her to be. She's still the same person you always knew, even if there's another side to her personality (after all, everyone has a sexual dimension, whether or not it's acknowledged by others). I'm sure she didn't intend for you to read those things. She probably acted nonchalant because she was afraid to show embarrassment. Just tell her that you respect her privacy and you don't want to infringe on it by reading her personal papers, so tell her to keep those in a private place. Approach her with the same respect you would like to receive. You are her mother, and I'm sure you realize that this doesn't mean we can stop loving our kids when they displease us. Just give yourself space from her for a little while and then talk to her.
2007-11-05 06:06:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your 'kid' daughter is not a kid anymore, she is an adult now. What ever you saw in those papers is by accident and you will never forget what was written on them. However, you need to have not brought it up with her because it is really none of your business.
You just need to move on and try not to think about it. Don't let this ruin your relationship with your daughter. This has nothing to do with you!
The way you deal with her is by telling her that she needs to get a job and give her 30 days to find a job or she will have to move out. That is called tough love. Because right now she isn't working and she should be working if she is staying with you. You as a parent need to stop treating her like if she is still your little 'kid' daughter. She is an adult now. She should be able to look for work and keep a job. No wonder she relies on you because you haven't gotten this far yet by telling her that she needs to get a job or move out!! Later, she will thank you for that. But since she is living with you, you need to stay out of her diary and help her to help herself.
2007-11-04 02:12:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that she is 26 years old, I think you are going to have to accept it. I am sure you are embarrassed and probably she is too even though she may not show it. I hope she will be more careful about where she writes her personal private thoughts. Maybe you ought to buy her a locking diary.
I know that won't help you erase the memory of what you read. She is an adult and whatever you read (however unintentional) was personal info. If she was a 13 year old, my answer would be completely different though.
2007-11-04 01:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by emptynester49 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all she is old enough to feel and write anything she wants to.you have to accept that she is a grown up and has her own life now.she is not a baby. she should say she was sorry that you seen the diary because you don't have an open mind.i guess you were raised like that.im so happy that my mom and i were close enough that we could talk about anything with out her judgeing me.you are acting like she done something wrong and she didn't.so if you keep having those bad feelings toward her you will let it ruin your relationship with your daughter and thats a sad thing. what happen to forgive and forget? if god can why can't you? think about it and please open your heart and think what if it had been you and your mom wouldn't you want to have a mother daughter relationship with her sorry but honey this is 2007 so get with the program and don't be left behind alone good luck
2007-11-04 02:07:43 · answer #4 · answered by babe 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't have any clear idea wether you can forget that or not. What I can tell you is, at the age of 26 your daughter can write and do as she pleases; that being said, at 26 she can also provide for herself.
You can't force her to engage in perverse activity, and she can't force you to support her.
2007-11-04 16:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by Sim - plicimus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's 26 years old, it's normal that she be
sexually active.
That she's that age, not working, and still looking
to you for support is more of a problem.
it may be time for a little tough love.
2007-11-04 04:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by Irv S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a normal reaction for a mother.i'm sure my mother will be shocked if she read my secrets.but she is an adult though a lazy adult because she's jobless still she is an individual with different views and personality.if you are uncomfortable try to tell her that you accidentaly read her diary.that as her mother your bothered but it doesn't mean your controlling her,just tell her to be careful next time.
2007-11-04 02:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by honey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you do anything "Dirty" when you were young? If so then how would you feel if your mother is doing that to you. If not then i think that you should respect your daughters actions and choices
2007-11-04 01:54:08 · answer #8 · answered by sakaton 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋