when are tantrums no longer acceptable?

Question

when is it no longer acceptable for a child to throw a tantrum. i think once they can talk that tantrums are not acceptable, babies throw tantrums because they have no other way to communicate(i think its kind of cute when they do). i am just wondering what other parents think. i am a nanny and pregnant with my first.

Answer 1

Tantrums are thrown for a variety of reasons. The primary reason is that they are unable to verbalize how they feel, but they can also be a way of testing their boundaries (which all children do at various stages throughout their lives), or because the child is tired and not able to control themselves the way that they normally would.

My son is three years old, and most of the tantrums have ceased, but he still has his "days". The key is to try and understand the cause behind the tantrum as soon as possible, so that you can diffuse the situation before it gets out of control. Many times, it is simply a matter of them wanting to get your attention, and as soon as they have succeeded, they move on.

This is not to say, however, that you should allow them to always get what they want when they throw a tantrum, or you will have a problem on your hands. The rule we have in our home is that "Tantrums will NEVER get you what you want...instead they will usually get you the exact opposite." What this means is that, unless he is throwing a tantrum because he is tired or frustrated that we aren't understanding what he wants, we make it a point to not give him what he wants (even if that is actually what we want to do).

As a result, our son is very well-behaved, and only throws tantrums on rare occasions. Just my two cents' worth...

Answer 2

We've all heard of "The Terrible Twos" A lot of kids at that age will throw tantrums for no reason or if they dont get their way. At two though, punishment may be used because at that age, they should understand what they are being punished for. My daughter thankfully got over her "tantrum stage" a couple months ago, but when she would throw a tantrum, we would put her in time out until she calmed down. However, babies dont really have "tantrums", they just cry when they need something. I think of tantrums as throwing themselves on the floor, kicking their legs, and screaming. Two year olds may cry still when they need something because they dont have an extensive vocabulary and may not be able to communicate what they need or want effectively. But actual all-out tantrums are definitely not acceptable.

Answer 3

Tantrums are never "acceptable". However, 1,2,and 3 year olds will throw them. The key is to just ignore them and don't give in (or give a time out or whatever else if you wish.) I have seen 9 and 10 year olds throw tantrums, which is absolutely ridiculous. Something is wrong with the parents spoiling them when it's THAT bad.

Tantrums should be taught early as "the wrong way to get attention". If you want attention, just ask for it. If you want something that I said no to, then throwing a tantrum isn't going to get it. Tantrums get you in trouble.

A lot of parents say "no" about something, yet they give in, because they don't want their child to continue the tantrum. That just makes things worse. Don't say "no" if you aren't planning on keeping it as "no".

Answer 4

Tantrums are never acceptable. Don't let your child even start pulling tantrums. And there's not one thing cute about them. The reason a child pulls a tantrum is because he/she cannot get his/her own way about something. The parents in such a case have not taught the child that sometimes you have to accept "no" for an answer.

Answer 5

I don't think tantrums are ever acceptable. Obviously babies and young toddlers who can't verbalize their wants and needs tend to get upset easily, but it's the responsibility of the parent to learn to respond to their child's needs (ie don't go grocery shopping during nap or lunch time, etc).

My daughter is 11 months old and when she throws a fit, I tell her no, that it's not OK to act like that. She may not completely understand the entire sentence, but she knows what no means. As a parent you need to start correcting inappropriate behavior as soon as it starts, otherwise you run into the problem of WHEN to start correcting the behavior. Even if all you do is say no, at least the child is beginning to learn that some behavior is inappropriate.

Answer 6

Tantrums are NEVER acceptable. A child needs to learn that they will NOT be rewarded for bad behavior (tantrum) by getting their way. It is not only embarrasing for the parents, but it shows a lack of discipline/training. If your child is throwing a tantrum, tell them you are leaving and when they get finished throwing their fit you will come back; then turn and walk away....when no one is watching, begging them to stop(negative reinforcement), they will stop---it's no fun if there's no audience. You need to be the parent, not the sibling.

Answer 7

I agree once they can talk it is time to stop. Though mine were never big tantrum kids. I think I dealt with the couple they had well and they stopped. Nothing worse than seeing a 5 year old having a tantrum

Answer 8

I woudl think at the age when the child knows right from wrong and understands that poor behavior will result in punishment. I would say between age 4 and 6?

One thing that my parents did that was very effective was that they would use outings as a reward for good behavior. If I was taken to a restaurant and started acting up, they would ask for boxes for the food and the check and we'd immediately go home.

Answer 9

i never accepted my kids tantrums he still does it but not i just walk away and let him deal with it on his own (at home of course)

Answer 10

When they are no longer cute is when they are not acceptable..

Not as much when they can talk but when they can understand you and understand that you want them to stop..

Age depends on the child.