how do I pull myself together so I can finish college?

Question

when the semester started, I was feeling very confident and really into studying. Now suddenly, I was hit by a severe case of PMS and prolonged back pains which may have been nothing but just all in my head. My grandfather died three weeks ago and I have a hard time helping my grandmother grieve. I've dealt with a baby shower, two birthdays in the last month, and this year hasn't been well for me. I'm working hard on a petition and do not feel successful, lost 3 grandfathers, several allergies and colds this year, quit my job I hated so I can go back to college and had to drop one class because I knew I would not be able to pass it. Now I have a doctor's appt I'm nervous about and just now finding out I need to make an appt for something personal. I wanted the house to myself but now my father doesn't want to go on vacation. I no longer have any motivation for college but I do not want to drop out which I did twice. How do I pull myself together so I can finish college?

I'm definitely headed for depression again and do not want to be that way around my grandmother who is already depressed over the loss of her husband. I'm worn out a lot and some nights I wake up then go back to sleep at least twice during the night and I eat more than I used to. I'm more like an emotional eater, I guess.

I also want to move out (I'm over 18) but do not have a job however I can't work and go to college at the same time. It's too much for me and I'm desperate to get out right now, not in five years after I get enough money.

I also want to move out (I'm over 18) but do not have a job however I can't work and go to college at the same time. It's too much for me and I'm desperate to get out right now, not in five years after I get enough money.

Answer 1

Elizabeth, you've definitely got a lot of stress in your life. A person can only deal with so much. Some of the things you mentioned don't seem so stressful on their own, but stress can be a cumulative thing and little things add up, especially when you're dealing with bigger issues to begin with. You've got to make some decisions. You don't have to finish college right away. You can take a break for a semester or a year. You can always go back and finish later. Go part-time. Take classes online.

You've got to prioritize what's most important to you and focus on those things (helping your grandmother, taking care of your own health, etc.), and leave the other things for another time. You don't have to do everything all at once. Taking a break from school isn't necessarily the same thing as "dropping out." Think of education as a lifelong process, not something you've got to finish within a certain time frame. You've got to start giving yourself some slack. Demanding more from your mind and body than they're ready to give can cause you more serious problems in the future.

Take care of yourself.

Answer 2

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm so sorry for you and the massive amount of negative things you are dealing with right now. It sounds like perhaps you should take a "mental health" break and withdraw from school for one semester. I would hate to see you try to take on any more and really go into a meltdown.

I am not suggegsting that you drop out of school by any means--I believe everyone should have a college education. BUT, it should not be under such strenuous circumstances. When I was a sophmore, I got very sick and had to drop out for the rest of the semester. When I went back, I was more determined than ever to finish (I was living on my own and supporting myself), and I did it.

You can speak to the financial aid office if you receive FA, and explain the circumstances to them. There are grace periods for illnesses and you certainly qualify. I would also suggest that you see a therapist, as another answerer did, as this can help you sort everything out.

Good luck to you and God bless. I hope all turns out well! I can tell you are a blessing to your grandmother and that's wonderful. Please remember to take of yourself as well.

Answer 3

Well, you cant move out with no money or job. So I recommend staying at home for as long as you can. Seriously. Its expensive living on your own. So much more than just a rent payment. The stuff you've been through, like the bdays and baby showers, are over, so stop thinking about those. they are done you dont have to deal with them again. Start taking care of yourself. Take time in the morning to stretch and go on a walk, or exercise if you arent. Just get out and do something for you. Take a bubble bath, or a pedicure, do something everyday for yourself to recharge and be still. Are you religious? Read your scripture, or pick up the Tao te Ching, read a bit every day, help you feel centered. PMS goes away, especially if you take care of yourself.
If you want to move forward, figure out what you need to do on a daily basis to get done what you need to. Chances are, its not too much. You need to
1 Get up and exercise/stretch/meditate
2 Go to school/classes
3 Do your assignments/homework
4 Make your Dr Appt
5 Scan ads for work/go on an interview 3xs a week
6 Let your grandma know you're thinking of her-a phone call, a card, a short conversation, etc

See? Thats like 6 things you need to do everyday, and if you get up and do that list and only that list, then before you know it, you'll have a job, you'll get through school, and all without neglecting yourself or your family. Dont try to be too much to everyone. Your grandma's going through a tough time, but she's a big girl and doesnt need you there 24/7. Say no to organizing parties if you dont have time or energy. Just focus on yourself and what you need to do. You'll be glad you did.

Answer 4

Perhaps college is not what you really need right now. Have you sought help from a professional? Grieving takes time and someone to talk to. If you tell your grandma that you need to grieve too, maybe she will be less demanding. I hear you having a bad relationship with dad. You've got to let him know exactly how you feel and if he does not relent, just move. With therapy and a job, you will be fine, but it takes time. Mindfulness at all times will help you maintain sanity.
good luck

Answer 5

pull yourself together! you can do anythign you put your mind to! i know it is hard for you and you have alot of stuff that has gotten in the way. put that to the side! you need to concentrate on you! I know you hav just lost a few of your family and are going thru a lot. but this is important and you need to concentrate on school, the family that you lost are gone and would not want you to give up your oppertunity to have a better life if they were still here, so do not drop out keep moving forward!!!