For atheists who do not believe in an afterlife...?

Question

how do you comfort a loved one? when a Christian loses a spouse they at least have something to look forward to (even if its false). They just have that comfort. My spouse knows that I'm atheist, but cannot accept or cope with "the end" whenever it may be. He says if I die first he can't think that he'll never see me again. Its so sad! I sometimes wish I were religious, but I can't pretend to believe something that I think is rubbish. I guess I sacrifice unfounded joy for my integrity.

Answer 1

Generally, I find that the truth, while bleak to some, is always better than a lie. Even if the lie is designed to bring someone comfort. There is nothing after death. Since this is my only go around, I try to live my life as fully as possible.

Answer 2

Ignorance is bliss in this instance.

I comfort loved ones by being there, what people say, whether it's "hes in a better place now" or "let me know what i can do for you", really isnt so much important as being there and being supportive. Either way losing someone is hard, but everyone's gotta go some time. I think accepting that early on is a great replacement for needing the religion crutch to get people thru. Bring flowers, take them shopping, watch their kids, drive them around, pick up their house, mostly i just think of all the crap i dont have the energy to do when im depressed and try to do it for them.

Answer 3

As painful as it may be, you just have to accept reality for what it is. Only then can you look for what good may be found in it. As long as you persist in wishful and magical thinking, you will always be afraid of the death and dying.

Look at what death is, biologically. It's nothing. It's not pain, happiness, boredom...it's the absence of being, exactly the way it was before you were born. All of your failures, your painful memories, your feelings of loss, your unsatisfiable desires to be reunited with loved ones, they all have a shelf life. When you are dead, they lose all power over you. When you see it this way, you see that all that stuff is just a paper tiger. You can dwell on it and let it spoil what time you have left, or you can learn to appreciate that this life is the only one you're going to have and that there are a lot of things you haven't done that, once you're dead, you'll never get another chance to do.

Answer 4

People grieve when someone they love dies.

If they didn't they wouldn't be human.

Even people who believe in afterlife grieve. Maybe they get SOME comfort from thinking they'll see their loved one again, but that doesn't make all the pain go away.

Too many people seem to think that all grief is a bad thing; although unpleasant, it's a part of life. It's wrong-headed to think that life should be never-ending joy. It's unrealistic.

Yes, it's sad that each of us will die.

But that shouldn't prevent anyone from enjoying their life and their loved ones while you're together.

Look at it this way: better to have loved and lost, or better still: Better to have lived and died, than never to have lived at all.

Answer 5

You're filled with joy now, just the real kind that comes from logic and integrity.

It's very similar to my situation. I'm atheist and when my mother finally dies, I'll be so sad and lost for a few days (she's in her 80s). But when my father died, nobody at his memorial confronted me over my atheism. The pastor even said my words from the pulpit about my father were the most stirring of the day, though I talked about him as a father, husband and citizen.

I also know an atheist who pretended to believe so he could marry his wife. He attended church, allows his kids to go to Christian aftercare and since he admitted he was atheist, there is constant turmoil in his home. I have to lay the blame on him, for if he had been honest with her beforehand, who's to know if she would not have married him anyway?

Answer 6

Well, I leave their ideas of an afterlife alone.

My mother says some of the most ridiculous things about my grandfather who died six years ago. For example, there's a star in the sky that she swears is him looking down on her. She also insists that when a certain flower in her garden blooms, it's him. Inside I'm screaming how silly that is, but on the outside I smile and nod, and let her have her comforting thoughts.

For me, I'm glad I was able to know such an amazing man. I will never see him again, and that's fine. I had him in my life for 29 years. None of us are guaranteed any amount of time, so I can't complain.

Answer 7

Not true at all. You aren't sacrificing joy at all... you just haven't placed it into perspective yet. Consider this: If life is with a definite limit, doesn't it stand to reason that each moment of life you spend with another is the ultimate gift? It is so precious, so fragile... the good times must be appreciated, and the hardships endured, because this is all we've got, kids.

The mourning must be reminded that they shared TIME with the deceased which brings them memories. The best way to honor one who has died is not to forget them. It's quite alright to mourn and to miss them.

Whenever someone dies, there are always affairs that need put into order. Errands to be run. Volunteer your time and help out. Once again, you're giving them the only thing of real value that any of us have.

Answer 8

I've lost people close to me, and the only thing that I've ever found I take comfort in, is remembering the amazing, funny, impactful things about that persons life, and how they affected me.

Memories are all we have left of people when they die, so that is what you tell people to focus on. Remember the things about the person that brought you happiness and joy. That makes a lot more sense to me then waiting, wishing and hoping for a day when you delude yourself into thinking you'll see them again.

Answer 9

That is a mega easy one.

Life and death is a natural part of the world. Everybody will die. and when one does die that is close to you, you must remember them, and be happy they lived the life they did.

You must embrace the quality of life they had and know that they enjoyed it, wouldn't you want the same from others around you after you Die?

remember that they loved you, and that they know you loved them because thats all you really have after they die. It was a good time and they wouldn't want you to live your life in sorrow for their death. so honor them by remembering them, yet going on to be a better person.

it's not cool to lie to yourself and say they are in heaven, because it's highly unlikely, I wish there was an afterlife, but everything in the universe isn't sunshine and rainbows :( we have to go away sometime.

Answer 10

I know what you mean...It's hard to comprehend there won't be anything left to care that a loved one is not there..b/c there is no part of you to care.
There is the argument that after death .2 something ounces is missing from the body and there is no explanation. With a world religion class, you could at least get different ideas that have hundreds of years of philosophy behind it. If the idea of an afterlife of some kind is wrong, it hardly matters since there won't be any deities to punish anything once you're gone.