My 12 year old daughter absolutely hates getting showers, it takes hours of yelling to get her to do it.?

Question

What should i do?

Answer 1

id just let her go and stink, i would also start grounding her from other things she likes to do, im sure once kids caught on that she smells and started making comments it might make it easier.

Answer 2

It's a typical phase that every child goes through. Each child is different, so the only person to decide on how you should handle it would be you.

1. You could let her go, but if she's reaching out to you to prove you care. By you letting her go you're reinforcing you don't care.

2. You could set up a reward system. If you can take showers at least everyother day for a whole month without arguing with me then you can get a new cd; ect.

3. You can continue to argue with her for hours, exhausting yourself and her. Only leaving negative feelings.

4. Explain to her that you've decided a new approach. Everytime she argues with you about showering then she is grounded for a day. NO computer, NO phone, NO leaving the house. Think about it from a her perspective...one day doing nothing or twenty minutes in a shower...

5. Explain to her that she needs to shower for not only health reasons but to prove she's responsible to handle babysitting for neighbors, friends and such. If she can't even handle taking care of herself how is she going to be able to take care of other people's children?

6. You might want to let her choose...We can sit and discuss this like adults. "Why do you not like to shower? Do you want to get yourself a shower scrubbie, or bathgel? What can we do as a team to help you become more acceptable to taking showers?" Or we can do this the child way. "You will take a shower at least everyother day or I'll bath you like you were a child. I realize that you are almost a teenager and having me bath you would be most embarassing for you. Or you will be grounded each day you argue with me. This includes school dances, going out with friends ect."

Hope this helps you out. Every child goes through this phase. It's normally harmless. However, Mersa has had a huge break out throughout the United States. It's a staph infection that is immune to antibiotics. You should encourage washing as much as possible. You love her too much for you to lose her because she didn't want to shower.
"I'd rather have a mad child but not have an alive child".

Again you are the only one that knows your daughter and how she will best accept which approach.

Answer 3

my son is 12 and did the same thing. personally i feel being dirty and smelly is NOT an option. When my son digs his heels in and refuses to hop in the shower/tub i send him to his room WITHOUT his tv and games and thats where he stays.
There is no yelling or threats. no arguing or compromising. He can have everything back when he's done showering. (or bathing)
At first that ment 2 or 3 days of who's more stubborn... now at most it's a half hour or so before he's bored but usually just knowing i'm serious does the trick.
we also stick to a ten minute shower rule, and showering every 3 days...unless urgently needed sooner (yes i cut a lil slack here lol)

Answer 4

Everyone seems to be rigt on, on this one; don't try to force her. Is she not okay with showers, or does it include sitting in a tub of water as well? If it is bathing in general, it is not an uncommon phase. You may want to sit her down and see if you can't get her to tell you why she doesn't like bathing. If you can't get an answer from her, tell her that you will not force her to bathe , but explain to her the pros and cons of bathing. Smelly versus non-smelly, greasy hair, versus non greasy hair, rashes, versus no rashes, etc. If she decides to still not take a bath, then tell her that every choice has a consequence, and that if she is to accompany YOU in public, say for a family fun night, or something like that, she will haveto go to a relatives house for the evening or you will get a sitter for her, and when that time comes, follow through! Do not let her say, okayI'll shower at the last minute! If she was preparing at the same time everyone else prepared, then she can go, but otherwise, don't give in. Kids catch on to empty threats very easily I believe she will see reason soon. Blessings......

Answer 5

Be as strict and firm as you can. It's pretty bad to be 12 and not take showers. Ground her for every time she makes a protest towards you, if it gets to a worse point then flat out spank her. You may be against violence or whatever but I slap across the mouth should do it. If she still doesn't care take her to a therapist. She's obviously going through some kind of drama or situation were she needs the help. The pre-teen years predict what the teen years will be like, and would you want her like that for the next 7 years?! Hope this helps and God bless you and your daughter.

Answer 6

12 years old is middle school. It's a very personable age. People start to be judgmental at this age. Are her peers/ friends clean? Maybe she has low self esteem. I think most 12 year olds (at least the ones I know) want to fit in and dress nice and be clean. I think something is going on. At about 10 or 11 she should realize it's not just about laziness but also about what your peers think. Does she have trouble with peers or school work? I would say this is odd.
Let her buy her own bath products and do her hair nicely after showers. Show her the difference in a clean presentable little girl verses the dirty one.

Answer 7

Deprive her of something that she likes to do or make her do something she hates to do...lol Make it good like cleaning the toilet! This is a stage. Is she into baths instead? If so, let her do that instead. I would make it a must that she take a shower or bath every other day. Daily is not mandatory for anything unless she digs ditches or is a mechanic. She will get over it soon. don't stay freaked but don't allow her to go on this way. Just refuse to allow her to go with you or to let her on the computer or whatever it is that will make her the most motivated. Good luck.

Answer 8

she'll come around, when i was about ten, i hated taking showers. She'll realize how sick greasy hair is, like i did.

But for now, you can try a reward system, like my mom used to do, or you can make her showers more fun.

try using that soap that comes in a spray can, and you can shape it. You can buy it in drygstores or in wal-mart. If you were planning on doing something fun with her the next day, you can tell her how nice she'll look with clean hair, or use that against her. She might like baths more than showers too. You can put a boombox in the washroom for her, and buy her a new cd or something. turn out the lights and light some candles. If shes twelve, she will most likely think these ideas are fun and grown up.

Answer 9

why are you yelling? give her an option. shower or bath or... what ever is reasonable in your case. Grounding? other consequences. No need to get into a power struggle. she needs to take responsibility for her personal hygiene. may be a loving mother to daughter discussion about the importance of keeping clean. Issues like, being more attractive, no nasty odours, no infections, etc.
Lots of options available.

Answer 10

Does she have a water phobia or phobia of doing it wrong? What about her self-esteem? Some people, not just kids, don't want to shower due to the fact that it takes effort and they feel that it won't change their appearance anyway so why do it. Get her excited about it....take her to a Bath and Body store and pick out some GREAT smelling bath products, a loofa sponge, maybe a nice robe, etc. I'm not saying go out and spend a fortune, but maybe something to get her a little more motivated to shower. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Dont force her, I would tell her you have thought alot about it and you have decided it should be for her to decide. Society, not you, will make her realize she needs to bathe on a regular basis. And be a good example by letting her see that you shower every day. I liked what someone else suggested -- go to Bath & Body Works and get some stuff that smells great. It may not help, but it certainly cant hurt.

Good luck!