Will I ruin my relationship with my dad if we move out?

Question

When my mom passed away 3 years ago my dad begged my family to move in with him. I agreed(my husband no so much), but now he acts like we are the worst people ever. Hes always putting my kids and my parenting down. yea im not perfect but I try. But he lectures us 2 to 3 times a day now. And now its like he hates us. He blew all of my moms life insurance policy and now tells us he cant afford the mortgage payment by himself. every month hes threatning to raise our rent but we pay all of the other bills. Not to mention we have three kids and this place is just to small for all of us. We want to move out but I dont want to ruin my relationship with my dad. Hes all I have left. But if we move out and he loses everything I know he will blame me.But if we stay I risk my marriage. My husband is at the end of his rope. Anyone out there have any good advice?

Answer 1

You should move out to accommodate you and your family, the kids and your husband. you do not say how old your dad is, but i assume he is 65 plus... he could be depressed, and you should help him to see his family doctor... who may refer him, or put him on anti-depressants. can he take care of himself, ie) not in declining health... or does he need support, ... does your dad have enough to do... your dad does have options... would it be better if he was in an apartment... he could have better finances if he sold and moved. you need to do what you need to do to take care of your family and it is very damaging to subject the kids to verbal abuse, your dad is not all you have left, and you are not all he has left... as to your first question, it should not ruin your relationship if you move out if it is done in a thoughtful manner. you can assure him you are not cutting him out of your life. good luck

Answer 2

Your dad may be depressed. Do you think you can get him to a dr.?

My dad absolutely refuses to move in with us, because he says that's the best way to ruin a relationship. lol But I told him that if he's diagnosed with something serious, at the first sign he can't take care of himself, he's moving in.

Back to you & your dad. Dad does not have the right to lecture you because you are an adult and just because you live in his house, doesn't give him the right to tell you what to do.

I know that sounds a little disrespectful, but your dad is not respecting you, and you've got to put a stop to that.

If you want to stay, you need to inform your dad that all of this stuff is going to end or you'll be moving out. You'll help him sell all his stuff and find a nice retirement community where he can grouch all he wants.

Sorry, Dad, but you're making life miserable for all of us, and you have to shape up or we have to move out.

TX Mom
not an expert

My dad is in a little apartment -- $800/mo bills paid + telephone. He golfs every day and joins lots of tournaments. He's as happy as he can be away from Mom.

Answer 3

You've got to tell your father that you and your family need to move into a home of your own. That he's welcome to visit any time. If he can't afford to keep the house, help him sell it and move into an apartment, or help him find a room mate. His wife has been gone for three years now, and it's time for him to get involved in the outside world. You're worried about ruining your relationship with your dad. If you stay in that environment, where he's lecturing you, you'll ruin your relationship with you father anyway, AND your husband. Don't let your dad emotionally blackmail you into staying.

Answer 4

i would lean more toward the moving out option, especially when living with your father is putting so much strain on your relationship with your husband. i find that often relationships with parents improve after moving out because you are not around each other as much and there's not as many thing that can put strain on the relationship. you can still help your father out when you have moved out. perhaps try persuading your rather to move into a smaller place just for himself (emphasise the positives of him not having as big a house to take care of, and the fact is that morgage payments are just too mch). don't move too far away though, so in a way you'll still be there for him, but then you have your own place.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, and his wife, but you have to do now is what is right for you, your marriage, and your children. If that's moving into a place of your own, then that's what you need to do.
Your Dad will be upset, but that shouldn't be the deciding factor here. He can't make you responsible for him, for the rest of his life.
He's an adult, responsible for his own life, and if he blew all the insurance money, and now can't afford the mortgage, then that's a consequence of HIS OWN ACTIONS and not yours. Don't let him guilt you into staying. If you moving means that he has to make an adjustment to his lifestyle then so be it. He is an adult, and so should be supporting himself.

Answer 6

Your dad is depressed. I know because I lost someone that I loved very much. I know that it is hard to hear, but you are aiding him. Tell him immediately that you are looking for a place. Tell him that you expect to be out by Christmas. Help him to look for a place, a job, a roommate, etc.. Make sure that he understands that you will help him, but you will not stay.

The problem with this type of depression is that he isn't "required" to help anyone or do anything. This creates a selfish person who only thinks about themselves and their grief. I went through a stage when I didn't want to leave the house, but my daughter needed me. It will not get better unless he takes some responsibility.

You will have to push this, but you won't regret it!

Answer 7

The first thing to think is that, you have your own family right? Sionce you already have family why do you still stick with your dad? Actually, you have said that your husband did not agree for the first place about sticking with your father. In that case your husband was right. Why dont you like to live independently. If you will do that you can able to avoid the daily nags of your father to your family especially your kids. Will you still allow him to do that to your family? If you are not with your dad, you make him realize someday that you and your family is the indespensable part of his life.

Answer 8

You really need to move out. He sounds if he is using you guys as he spent all of your mother's money from the insurance. It's not worth ruining your marriage over and eventually your dad will come to realize that it is hurting you and your family to go through this.

Answer 9

have a hear to heart talk with your dad about the situation tell him that mabie liveing together wasnt the best answer, make sure that you dont lash out in anger wile he is giveng you one of his lectures talk to him when nothing is wrong

mabie he needs to sell that house and buy a little apartmen for himself

your family could vistit him acasiounaly
sometimes when people are together all the time they get sick of one another and they make each others lifes misreble

let him no that your maredge is at stake and that you dont want to risk that for your sake and your childrens sake

if he gets made about it well i dont no what to say hopefully he will get over it but you got married and now it is your obligation to make your marade work

best of luck to you :)

Answer 10

Get out.

You need to think about your family (husband and kid(s)) and what's best for them, and it doesn't sound like this situation is what's best.

Your relationship with your Father is only going to get worse if you stay. he may be upset at first when you leave, but in time he will (should) realize that it is what's best for all of you. You can always visit him (maybe every other day at first so he gets used to it) but you need to get out, and soon.