i'm sick of always being compared to my sister?

Question

everyone whenever i meet them and people i already know the first thing they say to me is "oh you're Ashley's sister aren't you?" and i always get referred to as "Ashley's little sister" and not my name except my best best friends and teachers. Everyone's always like "why aren't you like your older sister?"
I'm quiet and shy and my older sister is loud and flashy and everyone likes her and not me (i know i sound jealous i can't help it) and all i hear is "oh how come you're not like her. you're sisters" and i get compared with her all the time.
my parents don't directly compare us but whenever i do something their always like "ashley did this...but ashley did that?"
i'm getting so depressed i feel like nobody wants me but only wants me to be a copy of my older sister...how come no one likes me?

*sometimes i get so down i think about suicide (seriously) and what would be the coolest way to go because i feel no one cares*

seriously. i have hardly any friends

people always flock to my sister and its a small school of 30 so i don't have much friend-options and if i talked to the same people she does she'd freak out at me

EVERYONE does it all the time

i don't have any friends cuz no one seems to like the quiet type

i already have absolutely no self-esteem or confidence thanks to the last community i lived in and my family

Answer 1

You are a special person with your own identity. God made you the way you are.

I was shy and introverted growing up and got picked on for many different reasons. I got called 4 eyes because of my glasses, Fido because it is similar to my last name, etc. . .

I know it is hard to do, but try to let it roll off your back. When they say why are you not like Ashley, then tell them because you are not Ashley, you are................

When your parents say Ashley did this and that, tell them that you feel like they are comparing you to your sister and that you feel like no one thinks you are good enough when told those things. Tell them you want them to love you for you...

When the teachers say those things, say politely that they should know of all people that everyone is different and most sisters are not the same. Please don't make me feel like I am not good enough like my sister.

Taking your own life because of this is not worth it. There is so much waiting for you around the corner that you would really miss out on if you tried.

I bet if you truly talked to them, they wouldn't know that you were hurting so bad by the things they said. I am sure they love you and don't realize what they are doing.

What are you good at? Art, math, photography? Focus on something you are good at and excell at it.

Please don't stop trying to communicate your true feelings with your family. Talk to your counselor at school. Some people may have good intentions and not realize that you feel that way.

Now that I am older and don't live near my family, I am actually honored when they say, are you so and so sister? I am proud of them and who they are and what they have accomplished. I actually hear about things my siblings have done and I never knew.

Try smiling and say Yes, she is my sister and I love her. I am a totally different person and I am a good sister. Why don't you try to get to know me a little better. Try to make new friends and get to know your old friends better.

I will pray for you. Here is a big hug just for you. I pray you feel the love you need and really didn't know was there just for you.

Answer 2

Oh please don't harm yourself over something like this!! I was quiet in school too, but didn't have an older sister to be compared too, it's just a phase!! You want to be yourself, being flashy doesn't mean everyone likes your sister, they just know who, to others she may just be loud and obnoxious. Some people don't like it when people are the flashy type, even some guys hate that. I remember being told that when I had your problem. Being quiet is good, bc people aren't always in your business, and they have less 'mean' things to say about you. You should try telling your parents or other people how you feel, be straight forward, don't let your quietness take over, you can be yourself , but at the same time when something like this gets to you, tell people how you feel.

Answer 3

It is really hard to go through school in the shadow of a popular sibling.

Whenever anyone asks you why you are not more like Ashley, just say very sweetly "because I'm me!".
I am sure people appreciate you for the wonderful girl you are.

It may seem like they like Ashley better, but they don't really. They are just more familiar with her.

Your parents say that because they are familiar with what Ashley did, and they kind of learned what girls do from her.
The next time they compare you, ask them to stop comparing you. I'll bet they don't even realize they are doing it.

Most of all, appreciate yourself. You are every bit as good as Ashley.

About suicide- there is nothing you could ever do to hurt your parents more. It would ruin their lives. They would never recover from it. I know that is not what you want.

Answer 4

I was like you ( i am in my 50's now) I was the oldest but my sister looked older and everyone compared me to her and called my W___ 's little sister. She matured sooner and I even got her hand me downs. Grrrrr. I hated it. She didn't help either, I would wear something and someone would compliment me. She would just say, oh really it is mine, like she looked better in it.
She was outgoing and I was shy.
Another thing, she was wild sexually and boys would say why cant you be more like your sister and I would say I am not my sister and tell them goodbye. I found nice guys who liked me for me,
What I did was learn to ignore it( I know it is hard) and tried to be myself and do things I liked to do and accomplish. I even took a Speech class to help me gain some skills with people and it helped. She had her own friends and I had mine in high school
She landed up being always in trouble and as we got older she showed her age more and people seemed to like me better.
After you get out of high school. you wont notice it so much ,so hang in there and just work on being the best you can be and ignore those thoughtless people for now.
Many years later(now) she and I get along a lot better. it was just a matter of maturing out.

As far as suicde, pleae dont whoever said before me that it could ruin your parents lives. i lost my daughter in a carwreck (4 years ago) when she was 20. It does change and hurt your(parents and everyone who knows you) lives. It wasnt suicide and I could imagine that would even hurt worse.

Answer 5

Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to? If not your parents, then a friend's parent, a teacher, priest -- anyone? If so, please speak to them about how you're feeling. Your mention of suicidal thoughts scares me. If there's no one you know that you can talk to about it, do a search on suicide hotlines or suicide prevention and call them. They'll be able to help you. I wish you the best.
(And I'm not dismissing your question about being compared with your sister. I'm one of 6 sisters, so I definitely know what it's like to be compared to a sister. This is all part of a bigger problem, though, which needs to be addressed first.)

Answer 6

http://www.bensbrother.com/

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/family/birthorder/article3.html
Sometimes middle children have to try a little harder to "be heard" or get noticed, so remember: if you feel like you're being treated unfairly or not getting the attention you need, talk to a parent about it. They might not even realize what's been going on.

http://www.emotionalwellness.com/birthorder.htm
Hints for......Middle Children

* You may find yourself comparing yourself against other people too much of the time. Just rejoice in being yourself. Like yourself for who you are and what you have in life.
* While you may not have talked much about yourself growing up, there is never a better time than now to begin. Explore feeling comfortable in sharing your thoughts and feelings with other people.
* While you may value your freedom and independence more than most, that doesn’t mean that you’ll never be successful. Find ways to express your freedom responsibly in your work and relationships.
* You don’t have to be a friend to everyone. Select a few people who deserve your time and true friendship. When everyone is a friend, nobody is a true friend.

Answer 7

Well I for one think you are great and I don't like the winners anyhow. I would suggest that you think about ways to become like a spy in your life. People are able to hide all the fun things from you. Search those sunglasses in Spanish countries where they have a mirror in the glasses. LOL Be happy girl. Lots of good things will come your way .

Answer 8

OMG OMG OMG I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!! my sister is a supposed "popular rebel" and everyone referrs to me as her little sister..

i actually made a load of friends at this party and then my sister came along and randomly started flirting with them and now even though i met them first they refer to me as her sister. ..

it makes it hard to make friends when everyone considers you as a younger sister...

dont give up yet i have just gotten over and is still going through an extreme depression about that but what i suggest you do and what i am trying to do is make a huuge gang of friends and get really close before they meet your sister so that they know you more and therefore feel closer to you

I have actually just gotten over an anorexic stage that was caused by my sister...she was known as the skinny one and i stopped eating for a week....i passed out during a science test...i still dont eat lunch and have bigger breasts than her and i feel unconfident

Find your own unique style but dont distance yourself with your sister. You could even attempt to get some of her friends to get closer to you in order for them to realise you as an individual

DONT GIVE UP!!

Answer 9

make a name for your self step out of your comfort zone help the less fortunate. and if people say why aren't you like your sister tell them that you aren't like your sister because you aren't your sister your you.

Answer 10

i kno how u feel my sister so popular and people think im weird just tell them my name is not ashleys sister and its yournamehere i no its really suxs being referreed like that just hang in there and try to make a name 4 ur self yea wen i tak to my "friends" (they left me 4 her) she givs me this weird look and tells me to go away...ur not aloneTvT