My son wants to be a Mormon. What should I do?

Question

I have been Catholic for my whole life since my parents were. However, my son is interested in Mormonism. Last time he got Book of Mormon from the missionaries and I let him buy some scriptures from the Mormon Church on-line. And today he asked me if he could buy "Mormonism for Dummies" and I refused. I'm afraid that he's getting into it. Although I don't know much about Mormonism, I know that it has negative reputation and I want my son to be in the majority. For now, he's rational since he asks me to attend (Catholic) Church regularly as I used to do and enjoys learning other religions as well. But he clearly identifies him as a Mormon-although not a member-and I'm afraid that he might eventually become irrational. Also, when I yelled at him as he asked me for permission to buy the book, he was dissapointed and quietly said "I live in America but have no freedom of religion".
What should I do? I somewhat understand what my son said but don't want him to be a Mormon. Please help.

By the way, my son is 18.

Answer 1

I usually am not this mean, but here goes:

QUIT BEING SO OVER-PROTECTIVE!

It's your son's life. He should be able to decide what religion he wants to follow (as long as it isnt some creepy human-sacrificing cult). Just let him choose his own path. I understand that you may not want your son to be mormon, but he will be much happier if he chooses what religion he wants to follow.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Your son is an adult, and has every right to choose his religion. You could try being a good father and allowing him to make his own choices. What is particularly disturbing to me is this, "Although I don't know much about Mormonism, I know that it has negative reputation and I want my son to be in the majority." That is the most ignorant thing I have heard. Maybe you should learn more about the Mormon church before you freak out about it. And who are you to refuse to "allow" him to buy anything. He's an adult! You don't get to tell him what to do anymore. I'm an ex-mormon, and as much as I hate the fact that some Mormons think I'm irrational for leaving the church, I also think it is ignorant to assume your son will become irrational when he joins the church. You sound very closed minded, which btw is one of the "negative" things people say about the Mormon church. Sounds like you aren't any better.

Answer 4

You may feel that the LDS church has a bad reputation, and I admit- there are things that are poorly understood by non-Mormons that can sound pretty awful.

At the same time, few non-Mormons are willing to learn about us with an open mind, trying to truly understand. They hear a little, misunderstand and instantly throw up an emotional wall that has "Mormons are evil" spraypainted on it.

I'm guessing that you haven't been sitting in on the visits he's been having with the missionaries. I suggest you do so, and listen with your heart to what they say. You may learn something. If nothing else, your son will respect you for your willingess to listen and he'll give more weight to what you say. Give your son a chance to learn about the church, what it teaches and why. Maybe study with him, and point out the differences between Catholicism and Mormonism, why Catholicism teaches what it does. I find that for me, understanding the why behind the what often helps me be kinder and more tolerant of the other side of the issue.



There's two things that are of great importance in this church--
1) Choices. I can understand how you feel about your son- you love him and feel that Mormonism is a huge mistake for him. But it's HIS choice. As much as you disagree with him, he will be the one to reap the results of his choice. If it is wrong, he'll pay. If it is right, then he will be blessed.

2) Family. Being a Mormon won't make your son a worser son- in fact, I suspect that it will help him be a kinder, more loving member of your family... if you don't ostracize him.



I think the important thing here is the relationship between you and your son. Please keep that in mind when you talk with your son about his religious feelings. Forbidding your son from learning about Mormonism isn't going to improve the relationship between the two of you. If anything, it will drive him away from you. If you really want to continue to have any kind of influence over him, try being loving, understanding, and patient.

Ultimately, your choices are yours, and his choices are his. Those choices have consequences, some good, some bad. You both need to decide what consequences you're willing to accept.




Edit--
Note on Future Mrs Dave's answer...
Lol... I've been a member for over 30 years (I'm 32), and I still don't have horns!... What gives? Where're my horns?.. Oh, and they have human sacrifice in the temple? Musta missed that one!

Joking asside-
For someone to have horns, a)they'd have to be a separate species or b) they'd have to have had some kind of nifty transplant surgery.
Human sacrifice isn't what God wants- We teach that He wants "a broken heart and a contrite spirit"... a humility and willingnes to obey His word.

Answer 5

I was raised mormon, I have left the mormon church. Hopefully that gives you some reassurance that I know what the mormon thing is about, without being biased in their favor.

The more you discourage your son or get angry at him, the more attractive you are making the mormon church to him. All kids are more interested in things which are forbidden. This is especially dangerous with religion, because, his conscience will tell him to stay away from "bad" stuff that you forbid, however with religion, a force for "good", if you forbid it he will find it very easy to justify defying you, if it's in the name of God!

Have faith that truth will prevail. Allow him to learn and explore everything. Encourage him to learn more about the mormon church, but, from both sides. Let him go to church, talk to missionaries, read the book of mormon. BUT, also encourage him to read the very many resources out there about mormons from the other side of the fence.

He is probably wondering, why is mom so afraid of what I might learn if I read about the mormon church? After all, if the mormon church is ridiculous, then you have nothing to fear. You only need fear if it's TRUE and he's actually going to join.

The best thing you can do, is to show an interest in the things that interest him. Make this a bonding opportunity. Show him that you care about the things he cares about, and study the mormon church together. Not only will this prove to him that you love him enough to pay attention to things he is interested in, but, it will also give you control over what is going on. It will keep the dialogue between you open, so that you can point out other viewpoints if the church's rhetoric seems to overwhelm logic.

The mormon missionaries use a very emotional approach to get converts. They focus on "praying to know if it's true". They give lessons, and ask potential converts how they feel. If the converts report any positive emotions, the missionaries tell them that this is the Spirit of God confirming the truth of the message to them. Perhaps you could counter this by emphasizing logic. One great way to do this is by researching the origins of the mormon church. The mormon church started as the brainchild of an eccentric, bizarre man with delusions of grandeur. He came up with all kinds of crazy ideas. But his followers after him tempered things, toned it down, and molded what he had created into something much more moderate and mainstream. The modern Mormon church does everything it can to obscure it's crazy past (polygamy, racism, temple ceremonies straight up ripped off from Masonry rituals, etc). Study the origins of the mormon church. Watch the mormon South Park episode together - it does a great job of explaining everything, believe it or not, it exaggerates nothing.

The mormon church today really is nothing to be overly worried about, even if he goes to an extreme and becomes mormon. It's a christian church, albeit a slightly more intense christian church than most. I suspect that once your son learns everything he's expected to give up (sex, drugs, alcohol, coffee, R rated movies, his entire Sunday every week, 10% of everything he earns, etc etc) he will probably lose interest quickly.

Answer 6

This is the best thing that could happen to your son. Really.

We had a 14 year old girl recently convert in our ward and her mother was really upset about it. I pointed out to the mother that, since her daughter believed in the high standards we live, she would never drink alcohol, do drugs, smoke, get VD, get cervical cancer, or get pregnant outside marriage. Instead she would seek to get the best possible education, and if she married a fellow Mormon the chances of her getting divorced would be just 5%. She would learn valuable leadership skills, and would always have the support and service of a loving community. The mother was a little happier after that!

Why would you want your son to be in the majority? There are 13 million Mormons, and in Tonga, Utah and several other places they are the majority. And why might your son become irrational? It looks as though he is already irrational if he is 18 and has to ask his mother for permission to buy a book.

Look into the religion yourself. It may have a negative reputation, but so does the Catholic church and that's the one you belong to. Many religions are persecuted, but those who know Mormons personally will tell you they're wonderful, clean living, family orientated people.

Answer 7

Don't take the short term view of this. If he's only 18 and you've taught him to see things for himself, even if he DOES join the church 15 years down the road when the sparkle of it has worn off he will find his way back to his roots.

I can easily see that your reactions will serve to work against you as from within the church, his peers are probably telling him that you are simply being influenced by satan who seeks to destroy the true religion and keep him from finding happiness.

The only real concern would be that at 18 he would eventually find a good mormon girl to marry, have children, and by the time he figures out that he's been duped they only way out of the church would include a divorce and the destruction of a family. It is sad, but common.

It's a hard thing as a parent, but true freedom of choice allows for people to make mistakes, not just always choosing the right. Some of the best lessons come from screwing up.

Answer 8

The Mormonism for Dummies book does a pretty good job at spelling out what the teachings of Mormonism are.

My advice: You're not going to be able to stop him from becoming a Mormon if, in fact, that is what he wants to do. Putting your foot down and refusing to allow it, or threatening to end the relationship if he doesn't abandon it, is only going to serve to drive a wedge between the two of you.

Treat him as you would anyone else (not related to you) that said they were looking into and exploring Mormonism. Ask questions. Be respectful.

I've read the "Dummies" book that you spoke of. It's a very unbiased, factual book. It doesn't try to do any conversion. In fact, it appears the book was written for non-Mormons. I don't see any harm in him reading it, and it might benefit YOU to read it as well, so that you can articulate the things that you find are in contrast to your own beliefs.

When discussing religion and religious views, it's best to keep the discussion emotion-free. Focus on what the beliefs are, and where your differences are. Don't try to make him feel that he's wrong. Ask questions.

Answer 9

You are such a bigot!

You admit you know very little about the religion, but in the same breath are so confident to generalize all Mormons as "irrational"? Then you generalize all Catholics as being "rational". You judge a whole religion on it's "reputation" (which by the way, most "common" people I've spoken with know Mormons to be over-all good people).

You know, the Roman Catholic Church hasn't exactly had the best reputation with respect to child sexual abuse among clergy.

You're son is right. He is 18, a legal adult and can do what he wants. Quit being so domineering and loosen the apron strings, otherwise you will push him away and he will resent you.

Then to add insult to injury you say you want your son to be a part of the majority. So are you implying there is something wrong with everyone who isn't White, Anglo-Saxon, and Protestant? (Notice that Catholics are NOT the majority here in the US, so by your own desires your son shouldn't even be Catholic!).

Answer 10

I was in the same situation as your son.

"Mormonism has a negative reputation"....but so did the early church for almost 400 years. And if it weren't for Constantine, it wouldn't be here today.

You son is interested in the church...it doesn't mean he will join. I'm just wondering...you bought him scriptures....but you know you can get them for free from the missionaries....right? The ones online are for like gifts and stuff when people get baptized. You can get their name put on it, etc.

Anyway. I think it's rude and selfish of you to want him to be in a majority just because the minority he wants to join has a negative reputation. He will not change because he changes from the majority to a minority.

Get him the book.

I've been a member for 3 weeks and 2 days. Tomorrow I get the priesthood. I've been investigating the church for over 5 years(that's the point where you learn about it but don't accept it). There is a book you and him can also get from the church called "principles of the Gospel" it it covers like 50 topics giving you what the church believes on them and scriptural references.

I think it would be great for you to learn, not necessarily accept, about the church so you can decide for yourself whether it is a negative organization or not.

If you have any questions do not hesitate to email me!

Answer 11

Try to understand him.

Invite the missionaries over for dinner and have them teach you the first couple of discussions. Go to church with them and your son. Read parts of the Book of Mormon and get a feel for what it is and what it isn't. You may or may not know this, but Mormons believe that the Book of Mormon compliments and works hand in hand with the Bible to teach truth. The difference was that it was written by Gods prophets in the Americas rather than the old world.

Did you know that Mormons are highly respected and sought out for for the FBI, CIA, and military ROTC programs? There are MANY very well respected Mormons in business, entertainment, sports, and politics. Ronald Reagan appointed a ton of Mormons while he was in the White House.

It may be that you have some misconceptions of what Mormons are and what Mormons are not. Did you know that the LDS church is the 4th largest in America?

Additionally Mormons teach the importance of family. Avoiding controlling substances. They promote sexual morality. They sponsor great activities as well as scouting. They believe it's important to be a good husband and father. Believe that it's good to obey the laws of the land and be a good citizen. Education is also strongly encouraged.

You might be interested to browse this page and learn of some famous mormons, but to name a few:

http://www.famousmormons.net/

Steven Covey
Founder of Jet Blue
Mitt Romney
Steve Young (NFL)
Shawn Bradly (NBA)
Gladys Knight (Singer)
Lead singer of "The Killers"
Donny and Marie Osmond

Often people give people a tiny bit of slack at first, but really respect them for their way of life and their beliefs.

It seems to me that you should find out what a Mormon is and what a Mormon isn't.