is it right for others to discipline your kids?

Question

hear is the deal my sister inlaw has left her husband for verbal physicall abuse and he was really controlling like they have 2 cars but he wont let her get a drivers licences she cant go anywhere etc. it good that she left him but know she is staying at my house with her horrible kids who are both boy 5 and 3 who both still wheres diapers WTF. if you want more details about how bad they are look at my last 2 questions but she wont spank them or disipline then and im to a point to start doing it myself i dont want to there not my kids but she doesnt to sh-t about it. im about ready to put the smack down on these monsters

this is my house mind you and i urge u to look at my question to see what im talking about i normally would never think about touching someone else kid but enoughs is enough she wont do it

Answer 1

One should always draw a line between who should and shouldn't discipline children. For example, I work with children for a living currently; therefore, I am in a position to discipline other people's children--however, I'd be angry if a random stranger decided to yell at my children for doing something wrong.

However, you are dealing with family, I assume? First consider how close you are with her. Your sister-in-law's children are staying in your house for the time being, so you do have some say in their behavior, although you must be careful not to overstep the line in disciplining them. You must also consider that your sister-in-law recently stepped out of a verbally abusive relationship. I don't want to use the word "fragile" but you must try to understand that in situations like these, she needs a lot of support. So please try to be understanding (not that you aren't). With that being said, it is extremely difficult to be a single mother with children--if those children are behaving inappropriately, then yes, you do have a right to discipline them! I wouldn't recommend spanking them, however--that is a job reserved for the parent. Discipline can simply be reprimanding them or just sending them to their rooms, as long as it is enforced strongly to prevent future negative behavior.

What you can do to effectively discipline them is to sit down and have a talk with their mother. Lay it all out for her in a NONCONFRONTATIONAL manner. Instead of "Your children are behaving like beasts and I'm ready to 'put the smack down on' on them" you could say, "I just wanted to talk to you about your children's behavior recently--I know you might be having a tough time managing them alone and I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but I want to help you because I feel they need a bit more discipline."

After all, we can't automatically assume your sister-in-law is being an irresponsible mother by not disciplining her children--she could just be caught up by recent events, who knows? So have a long conversation with her, and I'm pretty certain things will look up from there.

Answer 2

It is your house. Lay down the rules for your house. Get everyone involved as well. Sit at the kitchen table and talk about it. The children are traumatized and anxious. They probably saw and heard your sister in law's husband abuse her verbally and physically. Maybe they are fearful. I would be more compassionate towards the kids. They have just moved into your house and not sure about it yet and maybe resorting to old behaviours of wanting to be babies again (wearing diapers) That happens when kids are anxious. Definately get the children counselling see a child psychologist. I would talk to your sister in law and tell her what you think of what to do with her kids. I am glad that she left him. That is the very first step of removing herself and her children away from an abusive relationship. It will take time and much patience. Tell her to apply for assisance for awhile and get into low income housing, for her and her children. Help them anyway that you can. That way she can get back on her feet and start living again, you can also suggest she take parenting courses. I don't believe ANY child is bad. EVER. it is bad Behaviour. The children need desprerate positive attention right now. Do not ridicule them, they are young still.

Don't abuse them yourself. Spend time with them with positive reinforcements. Like they really NEED to hear and see violence again.

EDIT: I have seen your other 2 question. They are deplorable in my opinion. You sure like to put her kids down don't you?

Answer 3

I worked at a daycare with thirty of those little monsters all to myself and the same situation, so I feel your pain. First, you need to sit down with her and talk about what she is doing wrong. NICELY. I'm sorry, but at three, a child needs to be undergoing potty-training, and at five, the child should be well-versed in the lore of the potty, so tell her that she really needs to get on the ball with this before that child goes to school and the teacher gets ticked off and (nicely tell her this) possibly calls child services. Also talk to her about how she would like her children to be disciplined when it is just you there. If she is completely against spanking, do time-outs. Buy her some parenting books. And have your husband join in the conversation too, because she will doubtless get offended throughout this and he might seem like less of a threat since he is family.

Answer 4

You have the right to take care of yourself & your stuff. It sounds like she is immature and doesn't know how to be an adult with her kids.
You have a real problem because kids can be very difficult.
You will have to be the "Dad" temporarily. You will have to become the leader of the house.
Tell your Sister-in-law that you feel uncomfortable being put into this situation.
Tell her what the kids are doing and that you need her cooperation or else you may have to ask her to leave.
Kids do well if they get plenty of time outside & lots of freedom & exercise. Make sure they get it if you are gonna let them live with you.

Answer 5

Yeah but the thing is, these aren't strangers at the park - this is your family, whom you're currently supporting. Ideally, an adult conversation with sis is in order, to let her know what you expect, and what actions you intend to take if she won't discipline them herself. But even if that's not possible, kids still need structure and discipline, and sometimes punishment. My guess is they haven't received any of that the past few years, in their previous environment.

This is your family, in your home. Yes, you have the right to keep things under control.

Answer 6

I don't think it's right for you to spank them, but discipline them yes. It's your house so if you don't want it all crazy you are entitled to say so. Yow should speak to your sister in law and ask her to discipline her kids more. I think she was probably used to being told what to do so she has gotten used to letting people run all over her and that has carried on to her kids running all over her. Tell her she needs to take control of her life and that starts with her kids.

Answer 7

This is your house so I do agree that you should be able to lay down the law...but more or less to your SISTER..then her kids to start with.
Have a heart to heart with your sister, tell her that you love her and her kids and only have THEIR best interest at heart. It is UNFAIR to THEM if they are not disciplined. She is CHEATING THEM, but not doing it. Tell her that she NEEDS to discipline them, you must see her effort (since they haven't been disciplined thus far it may get worse before it gets better). Tell her that if you love those kids too much to allow them to not grow up knowing boundaries. Tell her if you do not see her disciplining them at all...meaning you don't really see any effort...that you WILL start to start disciplining them yourself...as it is your home you do deserve to have peace in your own home. Tell her she has 3 choices, 1. To start to discipline them 2. To allow you to do it or 3. To move out!
Hey the LAST thing you want to do is spank someone elses child...ESPECIALLY without a fair warning.....Hey if you end up having to discipline and that involves any type of spanking remember...to spank in anger is abuse..even if it is only ONE swat! You must do it calmly. You must tell them why they are getting a spanking, and you must give them alternatives to their behavior so they don't earn another spanking...Spanking without instructions is just abuse as it is just getting them to temporarily stop behavior to put fear into them it serves no purpose then to let out your anger. So if you MUST spank make sure its a spanking out of LOVE and NOT frustration!


ALSO!! DO NOT PUT HER CHILDREN DOWN in your heart to heart....MAKE SURE YOU ARE HAVING THE TALK BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE CHILDREN AT HEART....DO NOT make it out make you look selfish...the talk is going to end before it starts!!

Answer 8

well. you could but it might not so much . you see her kids dont know how to mind because she never required them to. and no school will take her kids without being potty trained. its a big problem! i think that child protective services would see her has an unfit mother. its ad but she is not doing the right thing!

Answer 9

first of all i think she need to get her own apartment instead of staying with other people. second. you should talk to her about getting her kids straight. if that doesn't work then since it is your house you need to control what happen es and how it happen es..






also hitting her kids could get you in a lot of trouble so try doing things such as standing in the corner. it may sound stupid but little kids get tired of standing in the corner and looking at a wall for five minutes

Answer 10

Try talking to her about it, if she doesn't do anything about it...tell her they have to go, unless u can discpline those kids. It's ur house, not theirs. Y r they still wearing diapers???