He is very loving and gives great hugs and helps around the house. There are times when he just ignores what I say or what my hudband says and he doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He has hit me in the face with a shoe, told me he wished that I would go back to Iraq and die, and now I just had a miscarriage and he is being mean and then when he feels like he is not in a bad mood anymore he wants to make up so he can ask for things like toys, snacks, etc...I always get up every morning with him and make his lunch for school and make sure I help him with his homework. He is 6 years old and acts like he is 14. I am at my wits end, I have PTSD and am trying to hang on but I am not doign too well. I do not hit him or cuss at him I put him in timeout and give him attention when needed I don't know what to do if anyone has any suggestions it would greatly appreciated.
2007-11-03 08:06:12 · 9 answers · asked by adorableitalian 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You need to have your husband step in to help in disciplining the wild child. He is totally in control. You need to start being the parent and in his case, you may need to do more than putting him in time out. Does he see the same type of behavior from your husband towards you? You all need to get some heavy duty counseling. If your son is only six now and acts this way, what will he be like at 14. Sounds like someone I wouldn't want be around. This child is only loving and sweet when he wants something. He is manipulative. You could use Super Nanny.
2007-11-03 08:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by Diane B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is your son's negative behavior only directed at you?
You said he says he wishes you would go back to Iraq and die. Have you considered that he may have been extremely fearful when you were in Iraq and now he is acting out because you "abandoned" him?
Honestly, Therapy with the right therapist can do wonders for both you and your son.
You have recently had a miscarriage and your hormones are flying all over the place (been there, done that). I am very sorry for your loss.
You have been in Iraq and have PTSD. Your little manipulative son is in control; maybe this happened while you were in Iraq.
What matters is that you intervene now, before he is 14.
You have a lot going on:
manipulative and violent 6 year-old
miscarriage
Iraq
PTSD
There is nothing wrong with asking for help! It does not mean you are crazy, getting help shows that you take your family seriously and you are a good mom who is trying to regain the control you once had.
Best of luck to you hon. Ignore the boobs that tell you to whip your child but take SWIFT action when he misbehaves. Get him off-guard with pre-planned action when he misbehaves.
2007-11-03 08:34:15 · answer #2 · answered by jwright2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not acting like he's 14, he's acting OUT. He's only 6 an needs to be treated as such. Making breakfast and lunches is a parent's responsibility, not a 'treat' for the children.
His behavior, on top of your PTSD, is picking away at what nerves you have left since coming home from Iraq... you are a survivor and will win this battle with your son.
If he misbehaves, don't spank or hit him, as others have suggested... today's 'time-outs' are the 21st century's equivalent to being 'grounded' to your room. Send him in there when he isn't behaving... and be sure to disconnect whatever electronic 'fun' stuff is in there....he needs to know what punishment is and that you are in charge and not him.
I do wonder where your husband stands on this? Does he support and agree with you? Hopefully he'll stand beside you on this one....
Best of luck to you, and I'm happy you're back home safe!
:)
2007-11-03 08:52:14 · answer #3 · answered by CDA~NY 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand up for yourself and say HEY that is not how to behave. Him hitting you with a shoe is not ok, then wishing you went back to Iraq to DIE? He is manipulating you and you need to see that. When he is good he wants things. You know what my kid is a pretty good kid and he still doesn't always get what he wants. You need to say Hitting is NOT nice and not what we do. I would definitely set boundaries, and tell him rules. And that HE cannot ALWAYS get what he wants in life. Life doesn't happen that way.
You don't have to be submissive mom. He is 6 years old not 16 not 26. You need to take control of this NOW before he becomes a controlling man later in life. That goes for you AND your Husband. Why isn't his father disciplining him? or how is he disciplining him?
2007-11-03 08:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you've been through a lot, and that is effecting him, too. This is understandable. How could he not be effected by traumas his mother experiences?
It might be a good idea to get counseling -- either for yourself, or for both of you.
Make sure that you aren't giving in to him when he goes all nicey-nicey in order to get things.
Be consistent and firm about him not hitting you, or saying mean things to you. It's OK for him to be angry, but NOT OK to hit, or to verbally abuse you.
He gets timeouts or loss of privaledges EVERY time. And make sure you aren't rewarding the whole pattern of his being mean and then making it up. If he gets what he wants using this method, he'll never give it up.
Get some support and help. You need it for yourself, AND for him.
2007-11-03 10:34:46 · answer #5 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Screw that!
If mine ever tried that they would get the crap beat out of them(a light spanking I like to call "wake up calls") I would never hurt enough to leave marks on my children. and they wouldn't / don't get what they want. but that's just me.
Keep in mind the law doesn't say you have to buy toys and give out fun snacks for them being nice for a minute.
I showed this to my 13 year old - I asked him what he thought. So he picked up a shoe to see what I would do. All I had to do is stand up and he put it down. (living proof, now we can continue our fun for the day)
Once he suggested reporting me I told him not only would I deny everything, I reminded him where he would end up..that is not only would he miss me for a long time but everyone else who caters to him. He's not going to get an ipod, a new play station and a new drum set in a foster home. I'm sure he considers himself luckier than some
He doesn't want his loving family ruled and having to answer to some bureaucracy
2007-11-03 08:36:05 · answer #6 · answered by MamaJupe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not spank this child; please please please get all of the assistance you can through your military connection (either VA or active duty, whichever); and get your treatment team on your side with this issue. These professionals should be able to steer you toward the family services that will can help your family find peace and a new sense of normal now that mom is home again. Enlist the assistance of your school to find the professional help you need; then write to your congressman and senator regarding the sorry state of services available to our returning troops.
On behalf of everyone who seems to have forgotten about our men and women in the military, thank you for your service to our nation. As a taxpayer, I am outraged that you need to come to Yahoo for help with these problems that have been created by the so-called war on terror.
2007-11-03 08:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by swamp woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children do not hit parents in the face with a shoe unless they have serious behavior problems. Your son and the rest of the family needs counseling.
2007-11-03 08:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by Diane M 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to know that ur the mother and he's the child, give him a good whippin maybe he'll see the light. But b4 u do that try to talk 2 him and find out whats going on. Also try to get dad involved in the discipline.
2007-11-03 08:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by Test 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋