Should I be honest to my new fiance?

Question

My new fiancee and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. However, she periodically asks if I ever cheated on her during anythime since we've been together. Any advice on how we can make this better?

Answer 1

It isn't cheating until you make a commitment.

What would she say if you asked her the same question? I don't see that it is right of her to ask if she trusts you enough to get married.

Answer 2

Each one of us have the right to have some private area, including you and your fiancee. This is something should be kept untouchable, and no one should have the right to go there. It belongs to our past and should remain there as a privacy of our owns. From now on, I also believe that you should not cheat on her, built your life on a true behavior, be honest and gentle with her. About the past, if you love her, be inflexible, tell her there's nothing there would make any difference for your life together, try to focus on the present and on the future. If one of you begin to unveil all your possible mistakes of the past, you both will be crazy and will go nowhere. There's a saying that I strongly believe, "never confess a cheat to you mate, because in real she doesn't want to hear it". Probably she'll never forget the fact, even if she forgives.Good luck.

Answer 3

Of course be honest! Earlier this year, I actually cheated on my bf when I was at a friend's house and drank too much and a guy friend and I ended up making out. I couldn't keep it from him so I was upfront about it. It took awhile to get back to the way we were, but we did and we're still going strong. Point of the story: Tell her the truth and tell her now. The sooner ou tell her, the better. There's no reason to get married if you can't even tell her the truth and be honest with her now.
Another idea just occurred to me: maybe she cheated at some point and is now feeling guilty about it. Maybe she wants to see if you did it too so she can feel that you two are "even". Talk to her, good luck.

Answer 4

Be honest. Honesty is one of the foundation parts of relationships and marriage. I can't believe you have to ask this question. If you are honest and she breaks up with you then you need to realize that the relationship probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. You just need to come clean. My fiance and I have had to tell each other some things about our pasts that aren't the prettiest but as a result, we're much closer and more understanding of each other (there was no cheating in our case though). Come clean about it. She might even have a hint about it since she keeps asking. The best thing to do is tell the truth. If you love her she at least deserves that much. And if you cheated, consider what some people say about cheating... you only cheat when you're willing to lose the person you're already with. While this is sad, I think it's probably true. If you love her you'll be honest.

Answer 5

deny, deny, deny. now, this only applies if you are sure that you will NEVER cheat again and that you will be devoted and faithful to her. if, on the other hand, you fear that you will slip up again in the future, you should definitely tell her so she can move on.

i know i may get some thumbs down for telling you to deny cheating, but any marriage counselor would give you the same advice. don't hurt someone else to ease your own guilt. it is your responsibility to deal with the guilt and handle it on your own. again, this only applies if this was a one-time incident that you are DETERMINED to never repeat.

but, realize that her asking you repeatedly means that you have a consistent history of some shady behavior and she probably has some pretty concrete suspicions. she's not just asking for the fun of it.

Answer 6

If you have cheated, its important to be honest with her now. If it's been three years since you've cheated, she might get over it pretty quickly. Either way, you want to be honest. It would be horrible for her to find out right after you get married - she would be devastated. Just be honest and things will work out. Its never good to start a new marriage off with a lie.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Of course you should be honest. The one you love and want to be spend the rest of your life with deserves honesty and respect. If you're having trouble fessing up to past behavior, it will haunt you in the end - do it now and get it over with. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will become.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like she has some trust issues going on if that is the case then I suggest the both of you seeking counseling together... If you have cheated then be honest with her if you haven't then you need to tell her she is the only one you have been with for the 4 1/2 years. But seriously I would suggest the counseling before you get married. That would be awful if you got married and she didn't trust you fully...

Answer 9

What was your reply?

I'm assuming you HAVE cheated on SO.

Sounds like a doomed relationship, since you can't be honest with your SO.

Answer 10

Honesty is the best policy. If you keep lying to her you will loose her trust then what would be the point in getting married. If she asks you if you ever cheated she probably has a feeling that you have been. Don't forget the old saying....
"What goes around comes around." You should really watch the movie unfaithful.

Answer 11

If you cheated you need to tell her. I was in a similar situation but did not find out about the cheating until after I was pregnant with our first child. Needless to say I was very hurt and was depressed throughout my pregnancy and until I finally asked for a divorce after my daughters first birthday. She needs to know so that she can accept it before she feels stuck. The truth always catches up with you, but if you are honest maybe she will forgive you and you two can work it out and move forward.