What do I do now? She doesn't want me to marry my fiance because he doesn't have a good enough job. So She says she won't pay for the wedding yet I know she has the money for me to have my dream wedding because when my dad died she got a lot of money from his insurance policy and put some in a savings bond a long time ago and said it was for my wedding one day. I know it still exists because I've seen it but she won't let me use it. And I know legally I can't get it because my name is nowhere on it. But I was really depending on her to pay for the wedding because I really can't afford a big wedding since I'm a senior in college and I graduate in May and I was planning on getting married in June or July. I offered to let her pay for it and I'll pay her back but she said no because she doesn't want me marrying him and thinks I should consider someone more well off! What am I going to do? Right now, I can't even afford to buy a dress!
2007-11-03 07:02:40 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm thinking that maybe you should continue dating him for at least another year. She needs to know that you're serious about him and she really needs to get over how much money he makes. What's important here is that you and he love each other and want to get married, but also that you want to be MARRIED, not just thinking about the wedding.
My parents are pretty well off, but they want me to be self-sufficient before I get married, and one way to do that is to make me pay for my own wedding.
If you graduate in May and then work for a year and save money for a wedding, you are going to prove it to your mom that you are A. ready to get married B. willing to pay for it by yourself and C. that you don't care how much he makes.
I think she's probably scared that he's not going to make enough money to support you. I had a conversation about this with my mom the other day, and she said very specifically that she didn't care how much my husband made, all that mattered is that I'm happy.
I would say that if she doesn't want to pay for you to marry him, then there isn't anything you can do about it. I would sit her down and tell her that you're very very serious about marrying this guy, and that if you have to pay for it yourself, you will.
If you're not willing to pay for it yourself, then I don't know that you're ready to get married.
Good luck!!!
2007-11-03 07:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by Freke 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When a daughter decides to marry outside of the parental blessing, you are on your own. Now that does not mean you are stuck with a rotten wedding. I do weddings for a living, and you are not alone! If there is true love between you two, you will get by with a small garden wedding, or even getting married by a judge. Then when you are able, you can have a vow-renewal ceremony, similar to a wedding....just with out the license, you already have one. If by then, you have proven to your mom that this is a marriage that will last, she might offer to help you with this ceremony.
2007-11-03 16:27:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move your wedding to next fall and earn some money to have a simple, but beautiful service. Do it yourself without $ from your mom. Maybe when she sees that you are serious, she will help.
Maybe your fiance could pick up some extra work and pay for some of the wedding.
A lavish wedding doesn't make you any more married. Save your money to buy a house and travel.
Good Luck.
2007-11-03 07:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by ruby 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but you are just going to have to get over it. It's your mom's money and she can put whatever strings she wants to on it. If she decides that she doesn't approve of this wedding and doesn't want to help you marry this deadbeat (according to her) she doesn't have to. I'm sure she is hoping that by not being able to play at being more financially well off by having the dream wedding you will realize the reality of this guy and be absolutely sure that you want to marry someone with his income.
Have a courthouse wedding or call the whole thing off and hope your mom comes around but you certianly can't force her. I agree with your mom. There is no reason why she should hand over a few grand for you to have a "dream wedding" for a guy she doesn't approve of.
2007-11-03 08:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There are much bigger things to worry about than your wedding day. You have a lifetime of marriage to be thinking about. You really need to start worrying more about you and your future husband and what you two can do for each other rather than what your Mom can do for the two of you. As an adult you need to learn to depend on yourself first. You have a lot of thinking to do if you are more worried about your big wedding than your Mother not liking your fiance. How does your fiance feel about your mothers feelings toward him? I am a firm believer that when two people marry it isn't just two people, you mary the others persons family as well. That will come into play in the future. You are an adult, you don't need Mom's permission to marry and you shouldn't need Mom's money if the marriage is more important to you than the wedding.
2007-11-03 07:14:20 · answer #5 · answered by hkabteni1980 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is right and wrong on this one. But so aren't you. If this guy really loves you he will wait until you 2 can afford to pay for everything. What does your mom consider a good enough job. Does your boyfriend have a job? What does he do?
To me is sounds like you only want to marry this guy. To get the money from your mom. If that is the fact. Then the only one losing here is you. Because he is going to figure it out. Leave you for someone who really loves him. Your mother will resent you.
WHAT EVER frek said ignore it. She has no idea about love
2007-11-03 12:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by pandazoogurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your mom's responsibility to pay. If you want her to pay you are going to have to go with her guidelines, so he would have to probably get a better job. You could do one of a couple things: Work and save up some money, take out a loan to pay for the wedding, have your fiance's parents pay, have a very simple wedding, or just wait until your mom is ready.
2007-11-03 07:47:31 · answer #7 · answered by Rose 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get over yourself. If your marriage is not going to work unless you have some big wedding bash then you aren't ready to get married. If you really want to marry this guy then go to the courthouse. It'll cost anywhere between $30 and $100 between the marriage license and to have someone perform the ceremony. Save up for a wedding that you want and have it later. A lot of people do that. Are you looking to have a wedding or get married? Your mom might have a point if she doesn't want you to marry this guy. And if not having the big wedding is going to keep you from marrying him then you need to rethink this relationship. I'm a senior in college too. My fiance and I are getting married at the courthouse and then going out to dinner with our closest family and friends. That's plenty big enough for me and I'm so happy! Your mom's money from your dad's death isn't necessarily to pay for what you want. It was left to your mom and she can do with it what she wants. The money is in an account for your wedding but you can't seem to get past the fact that a big wedding doesn't buy happiness or a long marriage. Either consider what your mom is trying to say to you by withholding the money or run off and marry this guy without a big wedding. If you love each other and have a strong relationship, in the end it won't matter what kind of ceremony you had. Too many people focus on having the perfect ceremony and plan the whole day down to the last second but they forget to plan for what is really important: the marriage.
2007-11-03 07:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by Rockit 6 · 7⤊ 4⤋
I would say then have a private ceremony without all the glitz. You can then renew your vows down the line and do the reception you wanted when you are more financially secure.
I think this is terrible that your mother is judging the guy based on his job. What does that have to do with a loving relationship?
She needs therapy.
Remember that a wedding is just the first day of your marriage. The amount people spend is borderline ridiculous anyway.
2007-11-03 07:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by Hammer 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its time to be an adult. How she spends that money is her decision. By the way, most couples now pay for weddings themselves...you can't just expect mom to shell out the dough. Get a job to pay for the wedding of your dreams, or settle for a small wedding or courthouse ceremony.
2007-11-03 12:16:37 · answer #10 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋