He Never Talks About Our Future?

Question

We've been together for 3 years and he never brings up the future (i.e. marriage, moving in together, engagement, etc)

I never pushed the issue b/c I didn't want to rush something. But, we are past 3 years and still nothing. I try to bring up things like, "So and So, is getting married in 2009", etc. To see if it will spark any conversations or comments. Nothing.

He has an introverted personality and is very private. He internalize more of his thoughts then he does verbalize them.

I don't know what to do. I feel stuck in this situation. I can't read what's going on, in terms of the subject of marriage and future. I can read him elsewhere. I know what he'll say about something before he says it. I know what he'll order when we go out to eat. I know his quirks, his habits and his mannerisms.

But, what he's thinking for the future...............I'm Clueless.

What should I do?

Up until a few months ago, I was in school. I'm done and I work full-time now. He's been working in the same job for 2 1/2 years.

So, when I was in school, it was not something I was worried about. I assumed once I finished, it would become subject that we talked more about, b/c it was more likely to start forming.

Sorry, did realize that was so messed up above:

EDIT: While I was in school, this lack of communication on this subject did not bother me. It wasn't something that was going to happen soon, b/c I was in school and didn't have a stable career.

I assumed once I finished, we would start talking about the subject more. We haven't.

Answer 1

if he never talks about your future, then I would assume you don't have one.

Answer 2

The only way you'll know what he's thinking is to ask him. I don't like the idea of trying to drop hints - not everybody picks up on them. And it just makes you look like you're too scared to say what you're thinking. If you want to know what he's thinking, just ask him. Tell that you feel like you're at a point in the relationship at which you need to talk about whether or not you two have a future together.

You said you're finished with school...i'm assuming you mean college, right? So... you're abot 22 or 23 years old?That's still really young - Too young for marriage, for most people. Maybe he is still enjoying his transition to adulthood and independence and doesn't feel ready to give that up. He shouldn't have to give that up before he's ready.

Regardless of age, it does make sense that after 3 years some conversation about the future should take place. Why must he be the one to initiate it? Presumably, you're an equal partner in the relationship. If the conversation is going to happen, you need to initiate it.

good luck

Answer 3

Talk to the man. If you avoid the issue then it will NEVER be resolved. No one here can read his mind (at least as far as I know), so no one can tell you what he is thinking but him. Over dinner one day just some straight out and ask him where he sees the two of you in 3-5 years and see what he says. If he is against commitment, then perhaps you should both go your seperate ways, since your desires for the future are incompatible. Tell him what you honestly feel; that now you are out of school you want the relationship to go further. Hopefully he's thinking the same thing as you, but just has enver verbalized it to you yet. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sit him down and ask him point blank where he sees your relationship going. Tell him that you love him, but you dont want to spend the rest of your youth with someone that is not interested in starting a family. Tell him that this is where you see yourself in the near future and need to know if these are his plans too. There is nothing wrong with asking someone what they want out of a relationship. After 3 years, you have the right to know if someone wants to marry you or not. If you dont ask now, it will continue to bother you and you will end up resenting him and worst, you will feel like you have wasted your time when you could have moved on...

Answer 5

What are you waiting for. Bring the subject up. After three years you obviously want him to commit to a more permanent and formal relationship so you need to tell him so. If he's not interested, then you have the option to break things off and go your own way. Quit guessing how he feels and avoiding the discussion. You are wasting time if he isnt going to be part of your future.

Answer 6

My dear, if you can't talk to him about this, then you have bigger problems than an unknown wedding date. You shouldn't be guessing what he's thinking, nor should you wait forever to find out. But, because you know he internalizes everything, maybe you have to be the one to bring it up. You need to know what he's thinking. If he doesn't want the same kind of future that you do, then you need to move on. If he does want the same kind of future, then you can decide how long you're willing to wait for it. He may be more ready than you think, just not talking about it.

Answer 7

Good lord, you got some issues. Ummmm, try leaving him and see what happens
2. Awwww, did some girl get upset at my answer Waaahhhh! I thought you might like to get the truth from a GUYS perspective. Why are you gonna listen to a bunch of girls about what a MAN is thinking. I Told you, leave him, don't call him, don't write him, and let him have what he thinks is fun. If he really loves you and wants to be with you he will come back to you.

Answer 8

If he internalizes more than verbalizes, maybe you need to just ask him straight out - what do you see for us in the future? What are your intentions? He may not even realize this is weighing so heavily on your mind. He's not a mind reader, so speak up girl!

Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 9

Ask him what he's thinking. If you can't ask him an important question like this, what makes you think you can have a happy marriage later? Successful marriages are built, in part, on solid communication and friendship.

Answer 10

hi, try to communicate wd him by asking how do u see urself 5 yrs after.

if he doesnt response to that question, so never expect yet he plans to settle down.

try asking for his plans in life, maybe he has something to achieve or something.

i think u need communication. do not expect on something so that i wont bother you.

Answer 11

chances are that he sees no future to discuss about. confront him and give deadline, otherwise you are getting late.