Christians & Atheists - your perspective?

Question

My family is die-hard Christian. They've been decans, Sunday school teachers, church programmers, evangelists, camp counselors, team leaders, play directors, puppeteers, etc. As a family we used read the bible (the whole thing, not just the good bits) once a year. I was involved in every youth activity you could imagine as a kid, read every C.S. Lewis book out there and, naturally, went onto bible college & seminary. Two years later I was kicked out for three violations of my "commitment of faith." I guess bible college isn't the ideal place to begin questioning the existence of god. But just the same...

The problem now is that I'm an adult atheist and very comfortable living this way. I've never been happier. But when my parent's visit it's difficult. I don't want them to feel like failures because their child isn't "saved." They were good parents and I love them. How can I maintain the good relationship I have with my family without having to play Christian?

Really anyone can answer, not just christians and atheists... anyone who's had experience dealing this type of thing would be great!

This is VERY important to me so please serious, mature answers only. I respect my parents' beliefs.

Answer 1

I was once in the same position as you. My family aren't as involved as yours, but are Christian all the same. I did the only thing I really know how to do: Approached it bluntly and honestly. While I certainly didn't anounce it over the dinner table ("Mom? Dad? I'm Atheist!"), I did approach it. The cat really came out of the bag when my first grandfather died, and my mother made a comment about how he was "in a better place now." My response is that he's dead, but at least that meant he no longer suffered. Mom later pulled me aside and asked if I still believed in God, and I told her honestly that I hadn't believed in quite some time, and found it impossible to believe now.

There were a few attempts made by family members to re-convert me, and each one was swatted aside with various approaches, depending on just how aggressive they were being. Eventually the attempts stopped.

I still continue to be accomidating to them. At funerals, I don't preach about there not being a God... my remarks tend to follow along the lines of, "You were honored to have known them. Remember them well." Or perhaps won't be words at all: When someone dies there are always affairs to help put into order or errands to run--being there is often better than finding the right things to say. At my wedding, my wife and I scheduled a moment of prayer for believers, while we both stood silent out of respect. (My wife is not an Atheist, yet doesn't pray in the conventional sense, being a Wiccan.) It's made things a great deal easier in that I've shown that my Atheism is by no means an act of rebelion, nor is it a "phase" I'll "grow out of."

You know your family better than any of us here. I'm sure with a little thought you'll come up with some ways of letting it be known that you no longer carry the Christian torch.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

It is tough. I remember when my 1st wife became a Christian, it opened a great chasm in our relationship. I went to church and Bible study , sharing in her new activity ... but when she got baptised it was like saying to me ‘ You are no longer important in my life ‘.

I am guessing your parents might be feeling the same way , that somehow you no longer care for them now that you are an Atheist . You can avoid talking about religion altogether but ...

If I was in your place I would turn the situation around . Rather than your parents seeing you as a failure for not being ‘ saved ‘. I would try to make them see your Atheism as a success. You might need to bone-up on the issues involved so you can answers all their doubts. For example , if they are worried about your morality , then show them the study that indicates belief in and worship of God are not only unnecessary for a healthy society but may actually contribute to social problems ( Gregory Paul )

If they ask you to be ‘ saved ‘ then turn the tables , give them a big hug and a big smile and say ‘ I’ll know one day you’ll be blessed with Atheism too , don’t worry , I still love you ... even if you are a Christian for now. ‘ Be careful not to rubbish their belief system , rather comment positively on your own life and how Atheism has had a positive influence on you.

You might even want go on the offensive and leave a copy of Richard Dawkins’ ‘ The God Delusion’ lying around where your parents can see it when they come to visit. When the subject comes up ask them what they thought of the book , then appear disappointed that they have not read it – which they probably would not have done – give them your copy as a special gift , to show them you care , Sign it ‘ With love ‘.

What happens when you sit down with your family for a meal ? Do they imposing saying grace upon you ? Try objecting to having your food blessed and say you want to eat food that has not been blessed . Watch their reaction !

To be homest , I envy your position I would have a wonderful time baiting members of my family with scripture, attending church functions with some pro-athiest slogan on my T-shirt.

Sometimes the only way to help people is by teasing them out of their delusion.

PS: Thank the YA Lord for a Troll-less and Basher-less set of answers :)

Answer 3

This is hard. You accept your parents for what they are and what they believe. You honor them for who they are and what they believe. As long as you are living an honorable and moral life, it shouldn't matter what your belief system is to them. You are their child and they raised you to be a good, caring adult, right?

Unfortunately, their belief system says that since you are not saved, they will not see you in heaven when you die and this bothers them. There really isn't any way around that. You can only try to convince them that the best of the situation is to love and care for each other while you are all alive.

Answer 4

I think for anyone to become an atheist there is always a reason Many individuals who say that they do not believe in God would appreciate knowing if there is a solution to the problems of poor health, family discord, injustice, and so forth. They are sincerely interested in finding answers to such questions as: ‘Why does evil exist?’ ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ and ‘What is the meaning of life?’ Many churches offer the counsel of " well its Gods will" which really doesnt cut it does it. For you to have any basis in religion it has to have a foundation, you cant be a christian just because your family is, you have to search for the truth yourself.

As for being saved, the bible does not say once saved always saved, jesus said those that endure to the end are the ones that will be saved, so it is an ongoing thing.

WHO are without excuse? Let Scripture answer: “What can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. Ever since the creation of the world his invisible [essence], namely, his eternal power and deity, has been clearly perceived in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” (Rom. 1:19, 20, RS)

Answer 5

Well Just Say Thanks To Your Parents && Say At This Time In You're Life You Dont Know 100% What You Belive In.
Say You Want To Figure It Out You're Way && Not There (Hopefully They Think You Are Being Mature && Want To Figur Out You Faith Your Way)

Answer 6

Hmmm. Hardly any trolls have noticed Your question. Whew!

For some reason, i totally know where You are coming from, and i'm not even atheist! Our parents grew up in a different world from ours. We know this, and they don't. What little they DO understand is what makes them worry so much about us. Our love for them prompts us to protect them. We don't want to be part of the hurt and the fear.

Whatever You decide, let it be for the sake of love.

Answer 7

Well, being that they are Christian parents, express that they are good parents by doing good works. Since you don't believe in God, ignore the first half of Jesus' advice, and simply follow the latter, to love thy neighbor as thyself.

I'm sure that being as open as you are, that the source of sound wisdom shouldn't hinder you from following it. It's the vast amount of hypocrisy amidst believers that pushes people away. Jesus never asked us to have religion, he asked us to have a relationship of love with him and our fellow men.

If leading by example doesn't resolve matters, then accept this, they are not Christians either, but you, in so practicing the teachings of Christ, are more like their Messiah than them. With loving expression you may be able to repay them for their kindness in upbringing by leading them back to the heart of a Christ-like attitude.

Just remember in all of this, that nobody ever said it would be easy.

Answer 8

I think you and your parents need to sit down and have a long talk. Get everything out on the table. Make sure you assure them that it had nothing to do with them but a decision you made on your own.

And...we read C.S. Lewis in my church too. ; )

Good luck in your decision. And just make sure this is the life you want for yourself.

Answer 9

Well, first off, let me say that I am sorry that you chose that path. That being said, it is also your right TO choose that path. As your parents, they shouldn't feel like failures. They did their best and you made an adult decision that had nothing to do with your love and respect for them. They should keep loving you anyway and pray that maybe you will come back to God. But if you don't, then they should know they did their best.

Answer 10

I can't tell you what you should do, but here's how I handle it.

If Mom wants to talk about religion, I let her. I just don't offer opinions. Generally, that's enough. But sometimes she wants me to go to church with her, and I do, as a gift to her. It's not hurting me, and it makes her feel better, so I don't have a problem with it.