Am I a Shallow *****?

Question

I have been dating this guy for a while now, and he just asked me to be his girlfriend officially yesterday. I'm 21, he's 24 and he's very mature and everything I could ever ask for in a man.
I know it's incredibly shallow, but he's not very good looking. I feel like I should date someone "better" looking.... I know that sounds awful but it's true.
Is this a stupid reason to break up with someone? Am I a complete *****? He's even told me that he doesn't know what a girl like me is doing with him.
The final thing that's bothering me about this, is that I date to find a future husband. If I ever married him and had children, it scares me to think about what they may look like...

Answer 1

Doesn't sound all that shallow to me; however, what attracted you to him in the first place?

I find that generally appearance is the initial attracting force quickly followed by personality, intellect, whit and further continues to develop through experience.

So, if appearance is now only an issue, was there any other "shallow" things that attracted you to him in the first place?

Answer 2

I wouldn't use the "B" epithet, but I do think you're shallow.

However, I don't think it's your fault. A lot of it has to do with Hollywood films/television and Madison Avenue advertisers. Since only the most attractive people are hired, the public gets the idea that those people are somehow "better" than everyone else. Ergo, attractive facial features are deemed most desirable.

After 45 years, it's been my experience that most beautiful people are vapid and not very interesting, whereas plain and even homely people are terrific human beings who are engaging and have varied interests. And it bears noting that I work professionally in the arts, so I've encountered many multitudes of people.

But you're only 21. If looks are that important to you at the moment, then cut the gentleman loose and continue searching. But just remember that your future husband has to have more than good looks -- what are you going to do, just look at him all the time? Trust me, a benevolent nature and excellent conversational skills trump all other considerations in the long run.

Good luck to you, dear. And if anyone posts a hostile answer, just ignore them -- I just don't understand the wanton hostility to be found on YA.

Answer 3

You're making excuses because you aren't admitting to yourself that you actually are not attracted to him.

Would you want someone dating you just because?

I think that you need to take a break and decide what it is you want for yourself. You are dating to find a future husband. Why don't you just date to test the waters to see what you like in a man? Then, when you find the right one, "homely" or not, you will know and they will be attractive to you anyway.

I know that people may look at myself or my husband and think, well, they aren't that good looking, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think my husband is handsome and he thinks I'm pretty fine.

You're just stringing this guy along. And if he's a great catch, let him go for someone who deserves him.

You need to work on you for a while, first.

Oh, and I have to say, I've seen some of the best looking people have kids who weren't so good looking. And I've seen some who are hard on the eyes have gorgeous kids.

This may be humbling, but what makes you think that your features would make attractive kids?

Naughty, naughty.

Answer 4

Sure it comes off as shallow, but you're the one that has to be with him and if it's hard for you to see past it then you shouldn't lead him on. Plus, if you think about it, there's probably something else there that is putting you off.. for instance, if he's insecure then it can really have an effect on how you feel.. whereas if he were super confident you might find him more attractive. Don't ever stay with someone if you're constantly thinking you could do better bc either you're going to hurt him by leading him on or you're gonna meet someone else and that's never easy.

Follow your gut and don't worry about how "shallow" people may think it is.

Answer 5

Ok, I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but you're really shallow. Dumping him based on his looks!?! Is it really that bothering to you? If it is then tell the man the truth and let him go. If you don't see him in your future then let him go. Don't drag it out just because you want to be with someone. That is even worst. Oh yeah and one more thing later on in life you're not going to think looks are everything. Yeah, looks is what attracts you with another, but deep down once you fall in love you'll know that it's their heart and soul. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's obvious he's not the one for you if you don't see how good looking he is-inside and outside. Good luck and hope I helped.

Answer 6

Girl you got serious issues. At 21 you shouldn't be looking for a future husband. I guess no one ever told you don't look for something cause you won't find it. It will come to you when you least expect it. Your not shallow your just young. And if you were truly into him it wouldn't matter what he looks like.

Answer 7

People say that looks aren't everything but you know as well as I do that looks are important. You don't want to be with someone that you don't enjoy looking at, especially for the rest of you life. The first thing that you notice about someone is the way that they look, and if your not happy with that then it's only going to make it hard on you to keep the relationship moving forward. Good luck.

Answer 8

That does sound pretty shallow. But I also don't think you truly love him if you actually care what he looks like. When you love someone, their looks don't matter in the least. If you're going to be like that, I'd say break up with him because it's not fair on his part and he deserves someone who will love him no matter what.

Answer 9

i honestly don't think it's shallow. think about it, if you were ugly, would he be as attracted to you? why does he get to be the one who looks at a pretty face and you have to look at his unattractive face?

a person isn't just their personality, looks are part of the package and you can't just brush them off like they don't matter

also, if you were realy attracted to him, by now you would be thinking he is better looking than he is since you'd be kind of blinded by love

just listen to your instincts. you're also very young and should date more so you get more experience before yousettle down. i mean if you marry this guy you might end up resenting him because you feel like you missed out

Answer 10

If you guys are able to talk and have a great time. Then I don't see why not, when you both get older looks are going to go away, so all you have will each others' company. If you believe that he is dependable, treats you right, and things like that that matter, then go for it, :).